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Husband had a lap dance....?!?

(595 Posts)
Hitchy83 Sat 01-Dec-12 01:55:08

Hi all, this is the first time I've posted on here but just needed some impartial opinions!!
Back in August me and my husband planned a weekend away in Leeds as a break before baby arrived, I was 7 months pregnant. While watching TV a few nights before we went I looked at his phone and the normally stupid messages between him and his best friend (I know stupid of me to do so, it's not that I don't trust him but I've often found him telling his best friend things e hasn't told me, nothing major but stuff I thought we would have talked about). Anyway his messages referred to my husbands stag do which was 3 years ago and joked if he would be going back to the strip club in leeds to get another lap dance, I was absolutely mortified. I trust my husband completely and we've always been very open with no secrets, I did joke to him no strip clubs before he went on his stag do but he assured me that wasn't his thing so I didn't think anything more of it. When I confronted my husband he started by saying he had forgotten all about it as he was drunk, but the more I probed the more he released information, his friend had 2, he had to have one as it was his stag do etc! I tried to laugh it off as I wanted us to enjoy our weekend away but when I came home I became obsessed with finding out about the club and looking at you tube videos of lap dances to see what happens, and became really upset by it all. We never had an proper argument about it as he kept laughing it off and telling me it was his stag do and that in being silly but I couldn't help but picture a girl girating all around him in her lingere and him getting off on it. I'd managed to push it to the back of my mind but since I had our son 6 weeks ago and I look at my stretch marks and wobbly belly all I can think of is that my husband will always have this image of the girl all over him on his stag do and now ill never compare to this :-( I've since looked at his messages to his friend and they keep sending half naked pictures of celebs to each other talking about how hot they are etc. I honestly had this halo over my husband, we've been together more than 11years and I thought I knew him inside out and never thought he was just like every other man oogling these images and going to strip clubs, it's broken my heart to find out about his lap dance :-(
I just don't know if I'm over reacting and being completely naive, is this to be expected on a stag do? I spoke to one of my friends who was just as shocked but she seemed to think it was his stag do so may have been pushed into it. I don't know what to do, I love him so much and I know we won't split up over this, but I'm so secretly hurting I don't know how to get over it?
Has anyone else been in a similar position or any ideas how I can get over this?
Thanks
H x

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Sun 09-Dec-12 23:59:39

Gimme "Object" over "PunterxxNet" any day

SabrinaMulhollandJjones Mon 10-Dec-12 00:14:48

Yes, I remember DadDancer having a major tantrum on another thread when asked about his dd. It was very telling.

Mmm, what was that thread about again? Oh, that's right, it was lap dancing as well, wasn't it? AF is right - Daddancer pops up on thread after thread defending the sex industry.

He calls himself a libertarian - pah - I call men like him, that use the sex industry, something else.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Mon 10-Dec-12 00:23:32

this was the thread in question

DD's comments deleted now, but the gist is there of course

it's not difficult to find it

DadDancer Mon 10-Dec-12 00:34:33

and back to the personal insults again. Very weak indeed.....

SabrinaMulhollandJjones Mon 10-Dec-12 00:44:14

Not weak, so much as true.

Daddancer became almost hysterical on that thread when asked about his daughter. It says a lot that he wants to separate his nasty little hobby of paying other women to be sexual toys from his own daughter. We mustn't bring his daughter into the discussion.

DadDancer Mon 10-Dec-12 01:54:18

and Sabrina please keep trying to twist that one around, i already said when my daughter is 18 she is free to do what she wants. It was the crude incestual joke that pissed me off and you know that.

I notice you haven't contributed anything to this thread, other than to have a dig at me and conveniently choose not to argue against any of the points i have made. Now that's what i call a 'nasty little hobby' wink

Amazoniancracker Mon 10-Dec-12 04:00:03

Can I just say I have run out of £1 choccy eclairs from Asda? This is a real pisser.

However, the implosion in Syria is even more worrying.

'Daddancer' is a very curious and silly name.

The end.

MadAboutHotChoc Mon 10-Dec-12 07:42:55

Hmm does not surprise me that DD had a tantrum when his daughter was mentioned - how typical of a sexist man who objectifies women, esp those he is paying to pretend to be interested in him sexually.

I also wonder what he was thinking of when he chose DadDancer - eewww!!

SomersetONeil Mon 10-Dec-12 08:14:27

I'm not cutting and pasting anything DadDancer - I've never even been onto Object's website.

These are my own thoughts and my own opinion. I'm able to rely own my own judgement, nous and ability to understand the world to form my arguments and viewpoints. Impressive, huh?

Even people who are pro-sex industry do not deny objectification. The very fact that you have to completely deny it reduces your credibility to zero; somone that cannot be taken the slightest bit seriously.

Of course, we all stopped taking you in anyway seriously when you showed your true colours on the other thread when questioned about your daughter potentially one day being a lap dancer.

These days, all you do is open your mouth wider and wider to fit even more of your feet into it.

runningforthebusinheels Mon 10-Dec-12 10:22:41

Hi Daddancer, how nice to see you on a thread about lap dancing again. hmm

On the last thread that you graced us with your 'sex-industry-positive' presence on I posted a quote from an article we were discussing, Daddancer. You never did respond to it, although, here you are again pontificating on your favourite subject - defending the sex industry.

This was my post to you on the last thread, DadDancer, perhaps you'll have a little think about it now:

And here's a quote from the article for Daddancer:

" Naively, she believed the dancing would be fun, glamorous and she would be able to pick her customers, which was not true. “Sometimes I was really repulsed because they had been drinking so heavily, but also it was age. When it was for someone 45 and above I would have in the back of my head ‘you probably have a daughter.’ I would make a moral judgement on them, but I would still dance for them. And I think this can be psychologically damaging because it becomes a question of what you will do for money.” "

(My emphasis)

Although I expect he'll just put his fingers in his ears and go la la la again."

AgathaHoHoHo Mon 10-Dec-12 10:53:00

I wonder if DD has a wife/partner, and if she is happy that he enjoys fairly regular return visits to gaze at women's genitals.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones Mon 10-Dec-12 12:17:56

Daddancer, nobody's twisting anything except you. You were asked a simple question about your reaction to seeing your own daughter dancing in a LDC.

And then you threw a wobbler about it. WHich speaks volumes.

It's a perfectly rational question to ask a father who admits and revels in paying young girls to dance for him, how he would feel about seeing his own daughter in one of these clubs.

I see you've reverted to the party line of 'oh, she can do what she likes when she's 18' though. Nice.

GetAllTheThings Mon 10-Dec-12 12:54:14

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SabrinaMulhollandJjones Mon 10-Dec-12 13:11:57

It's a standard question because all the girls are someone's daughter.

Men on these threads who frequent ldc's often take their argument to the logical conclusion that they 'wouldn't mind' their daughter doing it, as long as 'she was happy'. Because they know that to go to ldc's and use other peoples' daughters as sex toys would be hypocritical if they objected to the same thing for their daughter.

However men I know irl would have a breakdown if their daughter ended up a stripper - supported by the fact so that so many strippers are forced to hide their real profession from friends and family. (as cited in the Leeds study)

AgathaHoHoHo Mon 10-Dec-12 13:13:12

I find it incredibly sad that some young people have to resort to degrading themselves by stripping of for entitled punters in order to pay for their education.

GetAllTheThings Mon 10-Dec-12 13:22:21

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runningforthebusinheels Mon 10-Dec-12 13:25:26

GetAll - you really wouldn't mind your daughter having to resort to stripping to fund her education?? Really?

You'd honestly be fine with just any old man getting off at leering at your beloved daughter? With men, maybe, abusing her because her tits aren't big enough, laughing at her, trying to touch her even though they know it's against the rules?

I'm appalled. You should want more for your daughter than that. I know I want more for my beautiful daughter than that.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones Mon 10-Dec-12 13:30:13

Yes, GetAll - as you are well aware, I was referring to men like Daddancer.

But YY to running's post - totally agree.

Are you being honest there GetAll - you'd be fine with your dd working as a stripper as long as she wasn't a drug addict?

SabrinaMulhollandJjones Mon 10-Dec-12 13:33:15

I hope your daughter never reads this GetAll - I'd have been most upset to think that my dad didn't have the protective fatherly feelings towards me that most dads have about their daughters.

GetAllTheThings Mon 10-Dec-12 13:54:01

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SabrinaMulhollandJjones Mon 10-Dec-12 14:05:17

GetAll. How do you think people who aren't strippers fund their education? Men don't become lap dancers to fund their education, do they? It's never going to be a straight choice between 'no education' or 'take up stripping'!

If you have a degree, did you strip as a part time job at Uni?

Btw - sweet of you to answer the question that was directed at Daddancer, and men who visit ldc's. As you say you don't visit lapdancing clubs, I wonder why:

1. You bothered to answer a question not directed at you, and then say 'wah, but I don't visit ldc's Sabrina, so your question doesn't apply to me'

2. Why you choose to ally yourselves with posters like dadancer who regularly come on MN and gloat and revel in their use of the sex industry.

runningforthebusinheels Mon 10-Dec-12 14:09:42

GetAll, I love the way you call men who care about their daughter's welfare enough to NOT want them to become strippers, fragile. You are a very strange poster indeed.

Glad my husband and my dad are fragile in that case, GetAll.

GetAllTheThings Mon 10-Dec-12 14:27:47

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GetAllTheThings Mon 10-Dec-12 14:31:22

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runningforthebusinheels Mon 10-Dec-12 14:42:35

Many many people manage their education by working outside of the sex industry, GetAll. It's a ludicrous argument.

You ally yourself with Daddancer, whether you want to or not, by agreeing with him. Or are you saying now that you don't agree with him?

Do you know what? I'm very well aware that university funding has changed - and for the worse. However, to use that as an excuse for young girls to become strippers, especially when referring to your own daughter, is a horrific way of looking at it.

You seem to think it's ok for your daughter to strip to fund her way through Uni - I'm sorry, but I just don't believe you. I think you're 'point-scoring' against people like Somerset, Sabrina and me on here. I think if it actually became a reality you would think again.

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