Sex after baby!

[clarabella1980]

I just wondered if anyone has any advice, as this is a hard one to talk about with real life friends.

Myself and DH have always had a great sex life, but since being pregnant with DS (now 12 weeks) it's disappeared to almost nothing. During pregnancy, my sex drive disappeared completely in the 1st trimester (the constant puking may have had something to do with that), but then in the 2bd trimester I developed SPD and it was agony to open my legs! So during the whole pregnancy we only had sex a handful of times. But since DS was born, I seem to have zero sex drive. I just can't switch off - we've managed it twice and I spent the whole time worrying we were making too much noise & were going to wake him! TBH didn't enjoy it at all & I think it showed :-/ DH is fab, he's not pushing me at all, we're getting on great, he's a fab dad to DS and always affectionate & supportive towards me. But I know he's a bit frustrated (he's had several wet dreams, first time since his teens!) and I feel guilty. Plus I really miss sex - I used to love it, and would have always said I had a high sex drive. I don't know what's wrong with me at the moment.

Is this normal? I'm breastfeeding, so could the hormones be affecting me? I had a caesarian so not sore down below. And, what on earth do I do to get my mojo back?!

[SackGirl]

I'd say stop worrying about it right now, I have a 15 week old and have only done it 3 times since LO was born, at the moment I have the attitude of it still being a huge change in our lives, lots of stress and new worries, if he is frustrated for a few months it's not the end of the world. Focus on being a mum and being a happy family and it will come back naturally, I have no doubt. Stop giving yourself more to worry about, you'll only put more pressure on yourself and make it worse!

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

It's normal for lots of people, don't worry. The thing is to keep talking to your partner & tell him you love him but that your brain is doing the Hokey-Cokey because of all the fears, anxieties, hormones and good-old fatigue of new motherhood. Even if you can't contemplate actual PIV sex, make sure you're both as affectionate and normal with each other as possible to reinforce the point that this is a temporary hiatus that has no bearing on how you feel about each other. How do you get your mojo back? Once you feel less worried and a bit more relaxed about life in general you'll probably find it returns all by itself and your poor DH gets no peace for a fortnight. Good luck

[gwenniebee]

I'd second don't worry about it now. At least, that's what I'm doing. My dd is 20 weeks and we didn't dtd very often in pregnancy and only once since she was born, so you're doing better than I am! I assume it's hormones. Well, that and the fact that I find the idea of sex with my newly droopy and often drippy boobs around a bit of a turn off.

I'm assuming it'll come back one day...

[posyplum]

Completely normal, esp if you are breastfeeding.

[BunnyLebowski]

Jaysus I think it was about 5 or 6 months before we got round to it.

We were still incredibly tactile and affectionate and talked loads.

Breastfeeding and recovering from delivering a 9lb baby without pain relief were my only priorities!

[BigBoPeep]

i had a cs but was dry from bf and to be honest only just beginning to feel comfortable and normal during sex now 8mo later.....i found things greatly improved from 12wks and took another jump at 6mo, so you have plenty of time yet. i thought it was important not to get out of the habit, and make sure DH still knew i loved him, so if anything became more affectionate than ever. Also remembering that PIV is only part of the story ;)

[clarabella1980]

Thanks for the replies, it makes me feel better to know that it's normal! I think our relationship is still great, we still kiss and hug loads, and now DS is going to bed early (he's usually asleep upstairs by 7.30 ) it does free up our evenings to spend time together - well, until I go to bed at 9.30 anyway! Hopefully it will just come back given time.

Gwenniebee, I too have drippy droopy boobs, as well as a tummy so covered in stretchmarks that it's the texture of crepe paper, and so saggy that I could conceal an entire family of mice underneath. Am amazed DH actually still wants to dtd but he seems as enthusiastic as ever. Which is a good thing I guess!