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"Just leave me alone!!!!"(23 Posts)
I split with my ex-p after almost 3 years together about 6 months ago (give or take it's all a blur!) Looking back I now know there were things he did that were so psychologically abusive I truly cannot believe I didn't see it!!
He was quite manipulative but subtly and I think it crept up on me to the point that it was blatantly obvious and malicious.
We have barely spoken over the few months as we'd split and I didn't want anymore contact. He has text a few times about little things he'd left at my house (we didn't live together) and it's all been amicable. I know he's been seeing
sleeping with a few women after we split so assumed all was well and he'd moved on (he'd struggled with me saying it was over at the start). Now he's been in touch a few times via text message telling me about various problems in his life, I politely told him it wasn't what I wanted and maybe it would be better if he found a friend to talk to instead (he always used the sympathy card/guilt trip to "win me over"). He just hasn't got the message! He called me at 4am two nights ago (not drunk surprisingly) to tell me that he misses me and loves me and he's so so sorry for everything. I ended the call telling him it was out of order for him to be calling at that time. He carried on texting me to say he was getting a taxi to my house and he needed to see me. It was almost 5am!!! I went back to bed and don't think he turned up if he did, I didn't hear him lol He continued texting yesterday, all ignored, and has text me again today to tell me about some falling out with his family. I have lost it! I have sent 2 x 7 page text message too much? lol and have told him he has no right to text me anymore, he didn't take mine or my DS' feelings into consideration when he was calling and causing grief down the phone at 4am and I don't want to have any contact with him now (he's not DS' father and was just mummy's friend but obviously I was knackered yesterday which could have had a knock on effect for DS but didn't) he text me saying if he turns up he knows I'd let him in and how can he cope when he has no one else to talk to/i'm the only one, he's lonely. I'm changing my number that is a given but he is just dragging it all on! I have had enough, why is me saying "Go away. I don't want to be with you, leave me alone" just ignored? I'm just so bloody angry that I'm sat here thinking of it all again when it was put to bed and sorted as far as I was concerned.
Sorry for the long post
Abusive men do this. They want to regain control. You need to cut contact. Most phone companies (and they dont advertise this) will change the number on your sim if you call them and state that you have "fled DV" and your ex has your number. They will apply a new mob number to your sim within an hour for contracts and a few hours for PAYG phones. I strongly suggest you do this.
Every time you respond he will try harder. Even pressing the reject call button made my ex worse - at one time I was getting 100 missed calls an hour. There is no reason for you to pick up the phone to this man so dont. There is no need to answer texts. He is getting a rise out of the annoyance and reaction you are giving him.
And if he does turn up call the police. The police will come out to "prevent a breach of the peace" - he doesnt have to have done anything more than put his feet on your doorstep. You dont want anything to do with him and his ignoring that is harassment. The police will tell him this, its called "words of advice" I think.
You finished with this man so stop enabling him to "drag it on".
What Twinkle said.
Don't engage: long text messages etc can be misinterpreted and used against you.
Tell him no more contact, no uninvited visits. Change your number.
If you want him to leave you alone why on earth are you sending him 7 page text messages?
Send him one more message saying 'If you make contact with me again I will report you to the police for harassment' and follow through if you receive a reply.
agree, change numbers and dont engage. if he turns up dont let him in
< picks up twinkle and dusts her off >
That is good advice. OP...cut off all contact and mean it
Report him to the police for harassment if he takes no notice of you. You have given mixed messages so far which is like sweet honey for an abuser. Today, it stops.
I know, why did I even text?! Ridiculous! He laid the bait, I took it! I've changed my number before (unrelated) so know it's quite easy. Gonna get it done now.
He hasn't replied since the messages and to an extent I feel better for getting it all off my chest but can't believe I bit - grrrrr!
I've been in touch with the police before in regards to him (smashing my windows to humiliate me in front of my long time friend he'd just met and threatening behaviour).
I have always thought that he was just immature and selfish, nothing sinister really. But now I'm 'through the cloud' if you like, I can see just how damaging his behaviour was. I am a strong, independent, intelligent woman and was at a low point when I met him and I have allowed him to do this to me! I'm so angry at him and myself! Reading some of the other threads I am literally JUST NOW having my eyes opened to just how abusive it was....I didn't even know what he did had a name until I googled gaslighting ha! Sorry for rambling I'm just in shock that I just accepted all this shite for 3 years and never realised wtf was happening! When I called the police about the incident above I remember sobbing and thinking I cannot believe I am having to do this, and I still allowed him to manipulate his way back in! I am just glad (and lucky) that I am strong enough to walk away now and be perfectly fine on my own before it got worse. Thanks for all the replies!
I don't see any reason why you should be further inconvenienced by having to change your number because of this twunt.
The choice is yours: either immediately delete any texts and ignore any calls from him or simply report his harassment of you to the police and let them deal with him.
And turn off your phone (or at least put it on silent) at night.
Report him to the police for harassment - it's the only way he will get the message!
If you don't want much to do with him don't send him ten page text messages. If he is getting to be a real nuisance you will have to report him to the police. But warn him first. Make a decision and stick with it.
I won't be reporting him yet. He hasn't responded and I've changed my number. I doubt he'll turn up but who knows, that's when I'll call the police.
I said above that I shouldn't have text back but it is so hard to have 2/3 days of crap thrown at you and not respond. I ignored most messages I just snapped today when all was normal again. I was an ARGGGHHH moment, shouldn't have done it I get that was just frustrated.
I was going to add that if you have a smartphone you can download call blocker apps to block specific numbers including all withheld numbers if you choose, but you have changed your number now. Worth knowing though.
I've got a blackberry and downloaded an app to block his calls (and all those annoying PPI/accident calls grrrr) it calls once and hangs up but couldn't find one for texts. Either way it's done now, hopefully. I just needed to rant I think! Lol
Remember, stalking became a crime yesterday, don't hold back, go to the police every time, 101.
Don't be subtle, abusers don't do subtle.
And yes, what twinkle said.
A diary may be good, too, for any incidents that don't involve recordable stuff like texts, emails, etc.
Had this problem with a friend who had an ex bothering her too. She kept a diary and I was on tap at times to be the necessary witness to some things.
If only the new stalking law had been made law years ago, my friend would have been ale to get it all sorted sooner.
I don't think there will be a problem (although I didn't think there would be a week ago!) I'll see what happens and will do the diary if anymore contact. He messaged me on fb from another person's account last night asking if I'd changed my number yet and that he didn't believe I could do it, I need him, usual crap Just blocked it and changed my security settings (have done this before grrrrr). Think he's got the message, maybe a bit pissed off but he knows I mean it and WILL call the police if there is an issue, he knows I'm not bluffing.
Fry hope your friend is ok now and managed to get it all sorted!
It got sorted. Eventually.
Actually that sounded a bit rude to me, I was thinking about it with a big mental sigh, and it came out wrong.
Friend is fine now it's all sorted, just annoyed it took so long.
I think you need to call 101 and have a chat about this. Get the police to pass on the FTFO message.
Nip this in the bud. Don't ever engage with him again.
It didn't come across as rude, I heard the sigh glad she's ok now.
I definitely won't be again, Hissy. I vented my anger
stupidly through the texts and it's done now. I know his pattern, he won't be in touch for a few weeks now while he sleeps around and generally tries to make himself look/sound good to people and will probably try and make contact with me in a few weeks. Strangely, I had a call today from the PC who dealt with him last time and have told her what's been happening, she's logged it for me. He'd be very stupid to try again but I wouldn't put it past him.
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