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please help me dv.

(47 Posts)
helpmepleaseimdesprate Fri 23-Nov-12 20:27:24

i don't even know where to start my dp just dragged me up by my hair because he does'nt want to look after dcs as i have just got a temporary xmas job i knew what was gonna happen he promised me would help support me as he does'nt work when i came home from the interview today he went mad saying that he wouldhave to stay in the ouse looking after dcs five days a week and that it is unfair on him and i am not considering his feelings or what he has to do so we started arguing and was getting in my face so i walked out of the room he then came running at me pushed me up against the wall screaming at me and pulling my hair its not the first time has done this i am so stupid for letting him back butmy problem now is i know i need to get out but i start my new job tomorrow and really want to do it but i also want to leave just go he has gone out and said hewill be back later please help me i don't know what to do.

scurryfunge Fri 23-Nov-12 21:31:49

Please call the police.

helpmepleaseimdesprate Fri 23-Nov-12 21:32:02

i don't know whats stopping me i really don't i just can't pick up the phone

helpmepleaseimdesprate Fri 23-Nov-12 21:34:12

i've got nobody in rl to help my mums so far away

Leverette Fri 23-Nov-12 21:36:20

CALL THE POLICE.

Next time he attacks you might not be able to brush your own teeth ever again let alone get a job.

Please listen.

You do not live a middle eastern state where you are the property of your man.

You live in Britain where you have the right to freedom from any kind of abuse or attack.

No doubt he's conditioned to believe you don't really deserve better...you deserve SAFETY and NORMALITY.

Let the police help you. If you split from him without this being recorded you won't have a leg to stand on when it comes to arranging access visits for your DCs. What would you want for your daughter?

Leverette Fri 23-Nov-12 21:40:33

Is he their father?

do you realise that unless you act, you run the risk of a worried neighbour reporting shouting/violence to social services.

You MUST demonstrate responsibility for yours and their safety or you run the risk of all sorts happening.

There is so much support and help here with the emotional and practical stuff from women who have been through this. Make that call and lean on us as much as you need.

TisILeclerc Fri 23-Nov-12 21:43:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bekandboys Fri 23-Nov-12 21:44:54

If you have nobody in real life to help, then you have no choice but to call the police. Did your children see what happened? If they didn't, they may have heard, and if not they may do next time. Do it for them, even if you can't do it for yourself, you need to keep them safe. I know it feels scary, and I've been there and downplayed it in my mind, but if you want help, then you have to call the police. Please do.

seaofyou Fri 23-Nov-12 21:47:16

so what is happening tomorrow?

You can't go to that job and leave your children with that man who gets physically abusive at the thought of having to mind your dc?

Agree with poster re another job will come along your dc lives don't get a second chancesad

Now think if this was your dd and her partner did that to her what would you say to her to do? Same rule applies to you as you are those wee dc mum who they want to spend xmas with and many more.

Meglet Fri 23-Nov-12 21:51:51

The police were fanatastic when I had to call them.

XP never hit me but was flipping out and threatening to come back and beat the shit out of me. The police removed him from the house when he came back. It was also on record.

We haven't seen him in 3yrs, we're safe.

Just call the police please, they'll help you get it sorted and keep you safe.

YuffieKisaragi Fri 23-Nov-12 22:01:45

Call the police love. I did it when my ex did similar and they were there in minutes. He had stormed off to bed expecting me to sleep on the kitchen floor again, he didn't believe me when I told him I called them. He was arrested and I left the house in the early hours of the morning. Not advisable if you want to keep your house, but I didn't care I just needed to be away from him.
Please do this, you CAN do it, you're strong.

TisILeclerc Fri 23-Nov-12 22:02:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

helpmepleaseimdesprate Fri 23-Nov-12 22:19:24

Sorry for taking so long to reply have just been thinking what to say to you all i have decided that i am going to stay at my mums i'm gonna leave first thing when dcs get up as i know i wouldn't be able to do that drive tonight i'm drained.

tisleclerc thank you i know you have been trying to help as you have been here you understand that i just can't pick up the phone yet don't as me why as i could'nt tell you asfor the MARAC assesment the last time i scored 16 which was just under aswell! the association i have been to are really quite slow in helping me and so have i tbh not really following up on things but i know i need to do itnow i just can't take anymore of it.

TisILeclerc Fri 23-Nov-12 22:23:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Good luck and well done for putting your DCs and you first.

He doesnt deserve any of you.

Figgygal Fri 23-Nov-12 22:29:47

Please make sure you go and can keep yourself and dc's safe in the meantime!!

deste Fri 23-Nov-12 22:31:06

Start packing as much as you can and get important documents out of the house as well. Well done.

helpmepleaseimdesprate Fri 23-Nov-12 22:32:29

Thank you again tbh i don't even think he wil come back tonight and would have let me down for tomorrow anyway we don't live together anymore after the last time so he was only coming back to stay as i had to get an early start.

So i'm gonna pack a few things put them in the car tonight ready for tomorrow even if its just for a few days i need to get away.

seaofyou Fri 23-Nov-12 22:33:02

helpmeplease...you know you have to get you and dc out of their if this man does not leave. I guess he owns the house? If it is yours you should really get police to remove him. But for now you are doing the right thing for you and your babies well done!

Leverette Sat 24-Nov-12 08:57:02

I hope you are ok this morning thanks

searching4serenity Sat 24-Nov-12 09:09:35

Helpmeplease - hoping you've left... Please let us know when you're safely away if you can. Best of luck.

TisILeclerc Sat 24-Nov-12 09:22:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FobblyWoof Sat 24-Nov-12 10:42:54

OP I really feel for you. Good for you for getting the job, but in light of what has happened it's more important that you and DC's are safe. Please don't let this man back into your life. It won't get better and you and your DC's deserve far more

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