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Feel cheap :-(

(187 Posts)
QuestionTime Thu 22-Nov-12 16:56:42

Hi ladies,
Well I did a silly thing and am feeling really down about it. Basically I've had a dreadful year with my mum dying and splitting up from my husband. I was just starting to get my equilibrium back - going out with friends and really beginning to enjoy life again.
Anyway on Friday it was my friends birthday and we went out as a big group. One of the guys in the group I got on really well with and we spent ages talking, dancing and just getting to know one another. He was so lovely - walking me to my cab and asking me to tact when I was home safe.
Anyway the next day he rung me and asked to take me out to lunch. We had a lovely time - talking, laughing and generally getting on like a house on fire. He was such a gentleman - always walking on the traffic side of the pavement etc. He dropped me home and we had a bit of a kiss.
Later that night he text me and after a few more texts and a phone call I agreed to go to his for dinner. Turned up and it was all candles and open fires. Put a cd on and it was my favourite song in the world. We both said it was like we had known each other forever.
Anyway one thing led to another and I stayed the night and we had sex. Only the third person I've slept with in my life.
Last night I went round to my friends who was also out on the Friday. I find out that after I left they pretty much did everything but sleep together.
Anyway I'd arranged to ring him that evening so told him that I had found out about Friday night. He point blank denied it and got really angry about it - saying she was stirring just because we had something potentially really good together - before practically putting the phone down on me.
I 100% believe her. Feel so cheap and used. Have never ever trusted someone enough to sleep with them that quickly. What a fool. Just really knocked my duck off.

QuestionTime Mon 26-Nov-12 20:04:55

Yes I'm thinking run for the hills before I get emotionally attached!

Tressy Mon 26-Nov-12 10:38:52

I would definitely put him firmly in fwb material, not boyfriend material. Let him spoil you etc, on your terms and continue seeing other male friends. Keep looking for someone nicer. You are worth more.

ToffeeCaramel Mon 26-Nov-12 09:58:24

Hope you don't get hurt OP. Maybe some women can shag without getting emotionally involved, i don't know. I know i've tried to without success in the past.

MiniTheMinx Mon 26-Nov-12 09:19:57

OP seems to infer that she would like some sort of commitment be it with this man or some other. (last post)

I don't think I would want to commit to a man who thought women were commodities to be "bought" in to pool parties.

Gay40 Mon 26-Nov-12 08:52:00

And why are people talking about commitment after two fucks and a coffee? FFS

Gay40 Mon 26-Nov-12 08:51:05

To be fair, if I had the money (and the space) I'd ship in a coach load of models every weekend. I like the place to look nice.

garlicbaguette Sun 25-Nov-12 23:24:39

What? He has to hire women to decorate his pool party?

I fear that makes him a tragic misogynist with insufficient friends. If I were you I'd decide how many times I wanted to be 'spoiled' - 3? 10? - and then knock it on the head.

I've no qualms about suggesting you use him, within reason, as you've just identified him as a user. He buys people.

But I would say be careful about overdoing it, or you WILL end up feeling cheap even if you're expensive, iyswim! Better to ditch him soonish, then keep him in your little black book for possible booty call later on.

He'll invite you to his pool party next summer, don't you worry!

Tressy Sun 25-Nov-12 22:55:10

He coached in a load of models? Run for the hills.

you shagged Hugh Heffner? grin

blueshoes Sun 25-Nov-12 22:10:38

So it is true about swinging then, solidgold. I never said there was anything wrong BTW.

MiniTheMinx Sun 25-Nov-12 22:06:49

I spent four years with a wealthy commitment phobe. I wouldn't have changed it for the world, four years of great fun and lots of holidays. I was only in my early twenties though and in the final analysis he wanted to commit when I decided to bolt. Depends if you want commitment? he might be fun for a while, just keep your options open and learn to not always be available, don't beg for the credit card and keep it fun. He might be used to women who cling, who are desperate and women who try to take him for a ride financially so if you don't do those things, who knows, at 50 he might come round to the idea of commitment wink

SolidGoldYESBROKEMYSPACEBAR Sun 25-Nov-12 22:00:46

There isn't actually anything wrong with being middle-aged and living in the suburbs. Sex is not only for the young, fashionable and beautiful.

QuestionTime Sun 25-Nov-12 21:52:30

I'm still here - just fascinated by the other conversation going on.
Um so Friday night was lovely in that he is amazing in bed, we get on very well and the conversation flowed. What isn't so good is that he is clearly utterly commitment phobic (is 50 and never even lived with anyone!) and obviously lives this mad hedonistic lifestyle (according to his friend he shipped a coach load of models into his last pool party in the summer!)
So I can't imagine he is interested in me for anything other than a bit of weekend sex - I have to decide if I want to just treat it as a bit of fun or if I'm in danger of wanting more in which case I should run for the hills!

MiniTheMinx Sun 25-Nov-12 21:31:35

I always require possible partners to hand over proof of mensa membership first wink I don't think I would find someone dull to be appealing. I'm not certain you get much conversation going to a swingers party.....I might be wrong, never been to one. I wonder how OP got on????

Gay40 Sun 25-Nov-12 21:10:01

Not a dig at all. I'm not reallly into swinging but I've got no objections if others are - I can't see the problem with consenting adults doing what they want together. It's just not my thing.
Stupidity is just an instant turn-off so I couldn't ever have sex with someone I found so unappealing. That was all.

garlicbaguette Sun 25-Nov-12 20:54:53

I've enjoyed some sex with stupid people. I only need them to be smart enough to figure out what goes where.

Tressy Sun 25-Nov-12 20:48:24

Gay, how do you gauge if the swingers are stupid or not? Or was that a dig?

blueshoes Sun 25-Nov-12 19:35:24

Swinging has the image of middle aged suburban people going at it. Is that the case?

It would be nice to watch attractive bodies ...

cronullansw Sun 25-Nov-12 19:31:23

Mini - I was single at the time, no DP to worry about or cheat upon. And I didn't DP on that occasion, although my friend did smile

My DP is completely against the idea of sharing me, so until the next life, it's a memory only.

I actually felt very empowered and liberated after, I used them for my fun.

as for people watching, (the original question), yes, many people do attend purely to soak in the atmosphere, watch others, and stay faithful to their partners.

Gay40 Sun 25-Nov-12 17:44:58

I find the idea of sex with a stupid person more objectionable than swinging.

garlicbaguette Sun 25-Nov-12 13:31:21

Hell, I wasn't judging! I don't need love but do want some personal connection. I've had enough of being blatantly objectified in everyday life; never wanted it when I've got me bits out! I was curious as to whether swinging is as impersonal as I imagine it. Where's SGB when you need her? grin

Tressy Sun 25-Nov-12 13:06:00

I couldn't do swinging, I don't find many men sexually attractive, unless I was out of it on alcohol. This has happened in the past come to think of it and given me the creeps the next day. Now that was sex without feelings. Long time ago now and I would hate to feel like that again. blush

Or equally, liked the guy and didn't get the phone call!

I suppose an honest swinging thing would take all the out of the equation. I can understand that.

Gay40 Sun 25-Nov-12 12:45:24

Garlicbaguette...not everyone needs sex combined with love and emotions. Ultimately it is a physical need - nice if you have feelings for the person, nice if you don't particularly.
Swinging isn't my thing but neither is knitting. I don't have any judgements on people who do either (or both).

MiniTheMinx Sun 25-Nov-12 12:15:24

What a bunch of "baduns" you are grin I really couldn't be bothered, I would rather have nice glass of red or climb a mountain. I am sooooo boring.

cronullansw did your DP know?

garlicbaguette Sun 25-Nov-12 12:15:21

I imagine swingers clubs as very much reducing people to bodies, iyswim, so would be a million miles from my idea of sexy. I'm willing to be told I'm wrong, though?

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