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I slapped dh...

(21 Posts)

Situations rarely resolve themselves. They need to be worked at.

We didn't get a lot of time to talk about it as we both had to get to work. We will definitely be talking about it later.

I think as well it has to do with the sex thing. We lost our flat a year ago due to money troubles and had to move in with my dad. My grandma and brother live there too. Its been almost impossible to maintain a sex life while living with them and dealing with our 2yo ds as well. Its been so hard in fact that we haven't done it in so long I've almost stopped seeing him in a sexual way IYSWIM? Its almost like, when he touched me today, I wanted to tell him not to, almost like you would tell a child not to touch something hot. We're moving into a new flat next week. Hoping and praying that this situation will resolve itself.

olgaga Tue 20-Nov-12 11:57:28

I think you will see from the initial responses that no-one was being automatically sympathetic to the OP. I just think it's misplaced and irrelevant to jump in with the "different responses" comment, whatever the circumstances.

Olgaga - sorry, I know we see a lot of "different responses" comments, but in this instance I think it's justified. If the OP said SHE had playfully grabbed at her husband in a come back to bed way and the man literally turned round and slapped her face really hard - all the OP's own words - I think people would be a lot more blunt about this.

I'm a man. If this had happened to me, I wouldn't be happy and I'd be treating this very seriously.

Vicky - I have been on Citalopram in the past and had some appalling, awful times. But I don't think your immediate thought about upping the amount you are on is necessarily an answer. How does your DH really feel? You say he is 'fine, just upset'. Have you actually properly talked about what happened?

olgaga Tue 20-Nov-12 11:23:07

OP you are doing the right thing seeing your GP again. It sometimes takes a while for Citalpram to work, but it might not be the right medication for you. Best to check.

Gigondas I don't think you can compare this with if OP had been a man or if it had happened to her. I do get tired of these "different responses" comments.

It's quite a different situation to one where a man is using abuse and escalating violence as a means of coercion and control.

I'm sure you can see how different it is.

ClippedPhoenix Tue 20-Nov-12 11:21:24

Well I'm one that's saying, yes you can slap on reflex.

I had a nose job a few years ago and went back to the surgeon for my 6 weeks review.

Without warning he "tugged" at my nose, I slapped him!

Thanks for your input everybody. I do know, believe me, that what I did was wrong. It wasn't me at all. I didn't used to be like this. But there has been so much awful stuff that has happened this year, to us, stresses at work and with ds etc that I don't know myself. I have already been put on Citalopram by the Dr, I am going to get the amount upped and ask about counselling at the same time.

Annie - the OP says they have had a rough year, are both unhappy and the sex has all but gone. I don't necessarily equate that as being 'not on good terms'. She herself admits that DH was doing so in a playful, come back to bed manner. Sounds to me as if he is making an effort to try and get back that 'thing' the OP says they have lost. Unfortunately, that effort was met with a violent, hard slap across the face.

Vicky - awful for you both. If your dad usd to hit you, then it sounds as if there could be unresolved issues (hate that phrase, but you know what I mean) and seeking a counsellor out asap is probably essential. I'm not surprised your husband is upset, I'd be mad as hell, I'm afraid.

Gigondas Tue 20-Nov-12 11:05:21

Definitely second seeing someone- you can't hit your dh like that no matter what the circumstances are.

Am a bit hmm as I doubt you would have had same responses if it had been the other way round but you do realise what you have done is not on.

My dad used to hit me a lot as a child. Thats the only thing I can think of. I am also a naturally jumpy person. That does make sense annie because I felt panicked, rather than angry with dh.

Anniegetyourgun Tue 20-Nov-12 10:48:30

Hmm... did somebody maybe pin you down and tickle you or something like that when you were small, so you have a tendency to panic when grabbed? Because it sounds like that sort of reaction, a fear of being trapped, rather than anger at DH specifically. Perhaps worth looking into with a counsellor if you can get one soon. You can't go around slapping spouses however much you're not getting on. (He'd got a bit of a cheek grabbing you to pull you back into bed, if you are not on good terms, but that's another matter and, as you realise, doesn't justify the hitting.)

He is fine. He's just upset that I did this. We've both been unhappy for a long time. I have never done this before and it wasn't premeditated, it just happened. I feel terrible about it.

Do you remember having really bad dreams last night? Could be you hadn't shaken them off? [clutches at straws]

Is your DH ok?

TheDreadedFoosa Tue 20-Nov-12 10:25:59

Who are the sad for? You or him?

I did apologise profusely, I was as shocked as he was.

I've never done it before. Never.

I honestly don't know why. I shouldn't react like that when my husband touches me should I sad

TheDreadedFoosa Tue 20-Nov-12 10:24:17

Bloody hell, slapping someone round the face is not a reflex.

Did you apologise? How was he?

olgaga Tue 20-Nov-12 10:23:49

What on earth did he say? Do you do this often?

Whether it is unresolved tension around him or not, what on earth made you react like that?

This morning, when I woke up, I got out of bed and went to leave the room. Dh grabbed at me as I was going, in a playful, come back to bed kind of way. I wasn't expecting it (thought he was asleep) and I slapped him round the face, really hard. It was a reflex, I didnt even know I was going to do it, I didnt mean to, it just happened. But now I feel awful. Why did I slap him? Does it mean I have unresolved tension about him? Its been a really tough year for our marriage, and the sex has all but gone. I still love him but somehow we have lost that thing which made us 'us'. I don't know how to fix it sad

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