Hi all, wonder if you could give me some advice please.
I was with my ex for 9 years (1 year married), its only really over the past year or so I have realised how controlling the relationship was. I wasn't allowed to do anything without asking first, and would be ignored for days if I ever did anything that didn't please him. I was often called a terrible wife and mother as well as other insults. Most of it I learned to be normal, but am now realising that is not the case. I left him 3 months ago and he agreed to move out. Since then there have been endless games, everything is on his terms, he changes plans last minute so I never know what is happening. He is very manipulating, often I don't notice till after. For example it was our sons birthday the other week, he was 4. He didn't contribute to the party, organising or anything. He came to the party (more to spite me . He missed his other parties when we were together) he was rude and didn't speak to any of my family or guests. At the end of the party he convinced our son to stay with him. It was my weekend. I didn't want to upset him so let him go. He then dropped him home at 9pm that night, we had argued on the phone. He said I should take this as him trying to show he knows he did wrong. But after talking to a friend potentially he never intended on having him to stay, just wanted to prove his control. How do I deal with that manipulation??
We have set weekends but he often cancels his last minute, never for anything important, usually just his own social life, although I expect its more to try to stop me and control me having any kind of life.
I want to move on from this, accept that he will always be a part of my sons life, just wish he would put him first. He is convinced I am seeing someone. He has threatened to stop seeing his son 3 times and then got annoyed when I don't react, I still feel in his control, but he has told me he is dating, sleeping around (nice, I know) and now tells me he is in love. Despite the fact I don't believe him, I wish it were true so he would leave me alone and focus on his son. Why is he allowed to do what he wants, and move on, but I have to wait till he is ready to stop using our son as a weapon?? How can I deal with that, he knows that will always be my last weakness. Will it always be this way, can he just always use our son against me and any future happiness?
Sorry for such a long message just don't know what to do anymore
Thanks
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Controlling ex using son as weapon - help!
7 replies
Angelv · 19/11/2012 21:58
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