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What do you do when your world falls apart?

(11 Posts)
skyebluesapphire Tue 20-Nov-12 17:07:16

you are both in very similar situations. My XH left me with 4yo DD rather than a baby but I do understand how you are both feeling.

The sense of shock and grief us immense and I would not wish if on anybody. I begged my XH to come back and threw my dignity out the window, against all advice on here. He messed me around for weeks.....

I am now expecting my decree absolute this week. My XH had formed an Emotional Affair with his mates wife but denies that is the reason for going.

It does get easier I promise but it does take time. I still have my down days but am 90% happy. I have had counselling to talk through the shock of it. I stopped eating , could eat sleep work.. All these feelings are normal. You will cycle between upset and angry. Bug try and stay strong, do not let him have that power over you....

Just look after yourselves and your children for the moment.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 20-Nov-12 16:52:38

Did his mother send him back OP?

The3Bears Tue 20-Nov-12 16:10:42

I really feel for you if you'd like to talk pm me. My partner has just left me v unexpectedly we have 2 children one 5 one 12 weeks, I have been a wreck! Havent hardly ate a thing I have days when I feel stronger like yesterday when I sorted things out, but today ive had a breakdown again and am going mad! It's just so hard I wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy x

skyebluesapphire Tue 20-Nov-12 13:05:28

sweetpea - so sorry for your situation...

surround yourself with friends and family that can help you and look after you... you will go through a rollercoaster of emotions....

My XH walked out earlier this year, right out of the blue, so I understand the grief and shock that you are feeling.

If you partner will talk to you, try and talk rationally, dont beg him to come back, just see what he says and think about what you want as well. If he wont talk to you, then you will need to sort out your future, things like tax credits...

stay strong

meditrina Tue 20-Nov-12 08:39:51

You must be kind to yourself.

And always remember, no matter how far fetched it seems right now, that you are stronger than you think.

You will get through the days by the mechanics of caring for your baby. Get support - do you have family nearby? A good friend? Also think about telling your GP or HV. I'm afraid it is real, and it won't go away by keeping silence about what you need.

do remember to eat. If you can't face food, have smoothies and a multivitamin. Take your baby out for a walk every day. Try to sleep, even if it's only naps when the baby sleeps.

Even the first shock can leave you numb, sick, enraged, desperate and tearful for several weeks. This is hell, but it is normal.

Try to make no big decisions about the future until you have regained some strength. But find out your practical options as soon as you can.

I am really sorry this has happened to you and its something that will take you a while to come to terms with. Everything in your scenario is important right down to the timing of it. At this early stage all you can do is allow others to emotionally support you, prepare for your children's christmas and detach from your partner for the purposes of the coming weeks.

My first husband left me with no warning on Halloween one year, 3 weeks before I gave birth to our daughter. That christmas was horrendous but I handled it all wrong believing I could fix it and make it all better in time for christmas. I made things more difficult for myself when I should have allowed my family to look after me physically (just given birth) and emotionally coming to terms with my marriage loss.

I like the terms that cogitoergosometimes uses, "be kind to yourself". We don't always take the time to do that but in this situation you need to surround yourself with love and protection in order to keep you strong whilst you come to terms with what has happened. Enquire as to your legal position, ensure financial assistance from him and take time to grieve with the support of your family.

You will move on from this day and situation. Just make sure you love yourself enough each day to accept support until you feel strong enough and ready to move on.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 20-Nov-12 08:08:27

Sorry your partner is such a thoughtless, selfish shit. It is mystifying when someone claims to have just switched off their feelings for no reason... I would hazard a guess that it's got nothing to do with you or his feelings for you and is more likely that a) he's finding fatherhood a bit too grown-up and restrictive for his liking or b) he's got his eye on someone else.

What to do? Do whatever makes you and your baby happy. Stay busy so that you don't have too much time to dwell on negative thoughts. Spend time with people you like and who like you. Be kind to yourself, get plenty of rest, keep your vitamins up and ask for help when you need it. Get RL support from friends and family for financial and practical matters... focusing on mundane practical stuff can be a source of calm when things are so emotional. You won't be able to forget about your ex, of course, but try to resist the temptation to get in touch. Treating him as dead is a pretty good tactic. Keep your distance and keep your dignity.

Time heals ultimately.... Until then, look after yourself.

joblot Mon 19-Nov-12 21:47:39

Talk to friends asap. Theres no quick fix but you need people who love you to know what's happened. Sorry this is happening to you

Teabagtights Mon 19-Nov-12 21:46:16

You take one day at a time, you have to go through the grieving process to get over him. Take care of you and the baby. Wake up every morning and remember you have a beautiful child that needs you. Talk to your friends, cry, let it out. As each day passes the pain will lessen, you will get over him but it will take time.

Make sure you are getting maintenance, put plans in place for him to see the child on a regular basis to maintain contact.

Look after yourself and remember it won't hurt forever.

SweetPea91 Mon 19-Nov-12 21:42:13

It's our anniversary in 8 days. Also Christmas in a few weeks. Someone tell me how to cope.

SweetPea91 Mon 19-Nov-12 21:39:12

What do you do when your world falls apart? When the man you’ve been in love with for 2 years, you have a baby with suddenly decides he no longer loves you nor wants to be with you? How do you cope? How do you stay strong and not collapse on your knees in complete despair?

I'm 21 with a 12 week old baby, my partner suddenly decided last night he no longer loves me nor wants to be with me. He's packed his bags and gone to his mother's house.

What on earth am I to do? I feel like he's died. I feel like a grieving widow

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