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Totally fed up(12 Posts)
Just that really, am totally fed up. Am 34, been with my husband for 7 years & got married after 3 years. We have a 3 year old DS & am currently 5 months pregnant. As time goes on the more I realise my DH & I have nothing in common, in fact we are polar opposites. We don't share same interests, sense of humour, outlook on life, we fight like cat & dog & genuinely bring out the worst in each other. Situation not helped by the fact he lost his job in April & has been trying since to get another one. He's been the stay at home dad while I've been out working (full time) whilst pregnant, this in itself makes me resent him. I get to spend no time with my son, work full time, our bills are so high that we're still skint. . And he gets to stay at home. Yes he tries his 'best' with housework but am still coming home to have to put Washington on etc. he is applying for jobs in his field, just haven't got any yet. Basically I just feel stuck in a rut, trapped, bored & totally fed up. My life revolves around working Mon - Fri & sitting in at weekend coz I'm both pregnant & skint. The thought of another baby is now making me want to to a mile. DH tells me to be grateful for all I have, stop moaning & comparing my life to my friends. Whilst I am grateful for my children, I can't help be envious of my friends for whom money is no issue, who are still childless & seem to go on endless nights out & holidays. Even if I wasn't pregnant, my DH is too 'sensible' for nights out, any night out we go on (or have been on) it's endedin an argument coz I'm too drunk (was tipsy - not drunk), or he wants to go home. Have now lost the point of whim posting, I just feel so miserable & worry that my life has gone down the total wrong path by marrying the wrong person. Is it normal to be this unhappy?
You sound really down, I remember being exhausted when 5 months pregnant and working, so that's normal. I think you need to take a step back. When you have young kids the house is never as tidy/organised as you'd like it to be. You're feeling resentful. The reality is that with the new baby things will temporarily get worse in this respect before they get better. BUT you are about to have a wonderful new baby and are lucky enough to already have a DS. Can you remember some of the reasons why you got together with your DH in the first place? This unhappiness will pass particularly if you are not combative with DH and try to find better way of telling him how you feel. Would a split family, life as a single parent be better? Please speak to your GP or health visitor and try to get some support for yourself. Try and fit in time with friends. I wish you the best of luck.
Thanks, I am really down. Think pressure of DH not working, money worries, being tired, working all just getting to me. All we seem to do is fight at a time that's supposed to be happy. I dont know if a single parent life would be better but that's a scary thought when I'm pregnant and hav e a toddler
The reason I said take a step back is that you have massive things going on in your life right now and maybe you are not seeing the whole picture. Being pregnant your hormones make you feel more emotional than usual, that is normal. Also your DH is unemployed and probably feeling really bad that he is not bringing in money (he is still looking for jobs you say) but both of your frustrations and anger about this situation are being turned against each other at the moment. It sounds like you need to be more kind to each other and recognise that both of you are having a hard time and are anxious about the future. Maybe the little annoyances would grow less then. I speak from experience as my first marriage didn't survive partly due to petty annoyances and arguments getting out of hand and eventually we didn't like each other any more. We split up when my kids were 9 and 7. Went through a difficult time. Now I'm remarried and happy but I now try not to sweat the small stuff and appreciate my DH for what he does. Only works if you both do it of course but you could try to break the pattern now on your own and see what happens. You sound like you have a lovely little family. He sounds like he is a good man. You are doing really well to hold it all together. All the best with this.
Thanks again sound, am beginning to see a bit of perspective. Your kind words really meant a lot to me when I read them. Sometimes when you see things written down you realise its what you know already. Thankyou xx
You are very welcome chubbychip. Don't know why no one else has posted btw! I am quite new to this website but I think it's great people can connect in this way. I'm a bit older than you but I do remember the exhaustion when my kids were small. You'll be taking maternity leave I assume so look forward to spending time with your DS then. And maybe your DH will get a job soon, fingers crossed for you. good luck xx
All i can say is hang in there. Do not make any life changing decisions while you are still pregnant. My DH lost his job when i was 2 months pregnant. I carried on working full time. MY DH used to be the main bread winner but was not able to provide anymore. It was hard at first but i realised I had to help provide for my family. I did the best I could. Ofcourse my DH was depressed and angry all the time, I was stressed with worry. I had my DD at 32 weeks as a result. However DH eventually found a much better paying job when newborn was 8 weeks and he is back to normal again. I am glad i did not leave him when i was pregnant.
Don't underestimate the stresses that are on your relationship - it's easier for people to see from the outside. Your DH must be feeling low about not working, it's a very tough job market atm and he maybe getting rejection letters on a regular basis or just no replies. It can be utterly disheartening.
Likewise being pregnant and working full time isn't ideal, especially when you yearn to be at home with your ds. Resentment can easily build in this situation and that's a sure fire way to kill off loving feelings.
Sometimes we struggle in life and it's unfair BUT it absolutely won't always be like this. I can sense that you just want to find a way to be more carefree, yearning for those single days but you are building a family which is hard work but so rewarding in the end.
I hope your DH gets a job soon, it's utterly miserable for families when there are work/money pressures.
Thank you all so much. It's encouraging to hear replies from people who know what am going through or have been it and are out the other side. None of my close friends have children or husbands out if work so it can be very frustrating when they moan at being skint, then are off out the very next weekend having just bought a whole new outfit! Wish that's what 'skinny' meant to me!! I just feel that the situation has been going on for so long now and there doesn't seem to be any light at the end if the tunnel. My mum is very much a 'get on with it' and stop moaning attitude. My MIL keeps offering the words of wisdom that 'it WILL get better' but it's hard to think that way when I feel as if I'm working everyday, earn quite a good wage but literally can't afford to buy anything for myself or DS as ALL our money goes on bills that are meant to be split in half. I don't mean to be resentful but it's very hard not to be. Feel as if I'm turning into a horrible friend too. . My best friend got married in April, is moving into a brand new 4 bed house next month (for 2 of them) has just got a new car, been on a weeks Caribbean holiday. . And moans that she's skint. I know she's prob trying to make me feel better and I am happy for her that her life is going so great but I just feel as if no nod understands. Sorry, went off on a rant!
Keep your chin up and try not to compare your life to others, the grass isn't always greener on the other side. I bet in many ways your friend aspires to have what you have (a growing loving family). I've been through a hard time in many ways too since having my dd 2 years ago so sympathise. It's good you have family to lean on, make the most of this, stick at it and things will get better in the future. Good luck x
money problems make everything seem 100x worse. but - with that being said - the fact he is still okay with you working whilst pregnant seems wrong.
can he not do the job you have or something? or is he too "skilled and important" to take just any job?
I certainly hope that he understands that sex is definitely off the table - you know, with you being so tired from having to work whilst pregnant and do housework?
resent him all you want. I do. and I've never met him.
Bit harsh CC? He can't do job I do without years of training. His field is restaurant manager & he has applied for literally every job going from nightshifts in Primark to managing restaurants. What would be the alternative if he told me to give up work? Not being able to pay our bills or buy food? I didn't say he doesn't do housework, he tried his best but as a man doesn't necessarily see what I see needs doing. Was just looking for a bit of encouragement & support that things will get better
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