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My perfect DH has just

(59 Posts)
wavesandsneezes Fri 16-Nov-12 00:50:33

Totally freaked me out. Started necking bottles of wine and saying that he had disappeared and the whispering voices wanted him to drink more. I grabbed the bottles I could find and he tried to wrestle them off me. Finally he took himself to bed and I came to check on him. He said he was going to be sick so I grabbed the nearest thing which was the cats litter tray. All cleaned up now, but I am so very sad. I feel like I have just seen him become every man i was so pleased to escape, and that my perfect DH has a monster inside him.

Offred Fri 16-Nov-12 15:40:28

Waves - my dh is a bit like this. He thinks I'm great, I understand what has led him to think I'm so great and it isn't much to do with me - but that's a digression! My dh is like this, tries so hard to be everything to everyone, finds it very hard to cope with, doesn't want to burden me, doesn't know how to not do it, has times when he can't do it anymore and he has reacted in a self-protective way out of desperation that was horrible to me (and undeserved). I don't want to be idolised, I don't want him to be perfect, I want to be loved and I want him to let me love him, when he takes on too much of the burden and he tries to carry more than he can cope with the effect is to increase the burden on me because I'm having to guess what he feels and make up for the times it breaks him, for the sake of his love for me he needs to change this urge to be perfect (and he is). I don't know if you relate to any of that?

kittyandthegoldenfontanelles Fri 16-Nov-12 16:23:00

Hi waves phew that's a relief! Good that you are talking openly now. How are you feeling? Did you get some rest?

Orchidlady Fri 16-Nov-12 16:25:44

wave if I were you I would have made an appointment for DH, I pretty sure he will not. Sorry to sound harsh but I am talking from experience. Please don't let it slide, people do not hear voices just because they are drunk. Weirdly my DP is a perfectionist, he also lost his parents at a young age. This seems to bother him when life streses him out and then goes into a depression.

BigBoPeep Fri 16-Nov-12 18:42:02

hearing voices AFTER gettng drunk isnt too worrying to me - in the days when i used to get ratted, i'd hallucinate and have whole conversations with people that aren't there. my dad did it too.

hearing them BEFORE you get drunk - another matter!

SeymoreInOz Fri 16-Nov-12 21:16:34

I'm with Orchid I don't think you can just brush this under the carpet. He might have necked so much wine to mask the symptoms he was already having. If not then great, but you really need to find out because the worst thing you can do is just hope it will get better. Did you speak to him about the voices he heard etc? If you can, have a really open, honest chat about it, and let him know you won't be shocked, you just want to help.

Damash12 Sat 17-Nov-12 01:58:03

Hi really pleased you are ok but like others have said I think this is a stressed/over anxious mind issue that needs help sooner rather than later. I'd ask him to truthfully tell you how bad it's been/is etc and work from there, money, house repairs and anything else can take a back seat to both of your happiness and health. Good luck x

wavesandsneezes Wed 21-Nov-12 13:09:26

Thanks all for your support - and offred I can hugely relate to what you are saying. My DH wants to be wonderful for us, when I seem him as wonderful just for being him. I just want to love him, and for him to accept that I love him for who he is, not what he does/can do/will do.

We spent the weekend doing virtually nothing on the house, and just being together as a family which has helped. He hasn't touched a drop of alcohol since last Thursday and is quite determined to stay that way as we both recognise that alcohol can kind of trigger an intensity of emotion and the like. I think he is reluctant to see a GP as he is a typically "strong" man. However, I am keen to ensure that this doesn't get swept under the carpet - for his sake, my sake, and that of our DCs.

As a very basic starting point though, we have planned out exactly what we are going to do to the house rather than worrying that everything has to be done right away - which we have neither the time nor money to do in any case.

Anyway, everything has been much calmer and happier, but, having been through hell and back with my own and DMs mental health problems, I am aware of the need to get some help with this.

Offred Thu 22-Nov-12 09:31:20

I think it needs to come from him and not you. By all means help him with any effort he is making but he needs to sort this problem out himself. I do think it isn't really good enough that he won't go to the GP - that is weakness not strength.

TakingTheStairs Thu 22-Nov-12 16:54:29

Hi waves, I'm so glad you guys have been able to re-focus as a family over the weekend. I do think (If you don't mind me saying) that especially with any new people that will be coming into your life that you need to make sure he gets some support. And you make sure you're happy and feeling supported too. You shouldn't have to carry this on your own
xx

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