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Does his behaviour mean something?

(20 Posts)
Ellington Thu 15-Nov-12 16:43:10

Don't know what this means. Physical relationship between myself & OH hasn't been that great & very infrequent for a long time but when it has happened it's usually been fine. But recently it's been different. We start to have sex, but then he always stops & finishes himself off. This has happened about the last 6 times. Obviously I'm frustrated but does it mean something?

peppapigpants Thu 15-Nov-12 16:44:11

Does he use porn, do you think?

Whatsmyproblem Thu 15-Nov-12 16:46:25

Have you ever asked him outright WTF he is doing?

Apart from anything else it's incredibly bad manners. What do you do? Do you finish yourself off too? Do you lie there staring at the ceiling while you wait for him? Does he bother about your pleasure at all?

He sounds like an utter pig.

Ellington Thu 15-Nov-12 16:46:38

Don't think so

Whatsmyproblem Thu 15-Nov-12 16:48:59

I think his behaviour means that he's shit in bed and doesn't care about your feelings.

Does that sound about right?

Ellington Thu 15-Nov-12 16:50:35

We've been together a long time & this is strange behaviour for him. I think he's either gone off me physically or is having an affair or both?

Whatsmyproblem Thu 15-Nov-12 16:54:50

Hard to say on the info you've given.

What's he like with his phone? Is it suddenly surgically attached to him? Does he take it everywhere?

Has he started deleting internet history or is there anything dodgy that pops up in the search bar?

Any unexplained nights out or overnighters? A new 'hobby' maybe that means he's out of the house a lot?

Has he given you the 'I love you but I'm not in love with you' speech?

All of the above are pretty strong indicators for an affair, coupled with emotional distance and withdrawal of intimacy.

Do you feel like telling us a bit more?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Thu 15-Nov-12 16:56:31

Sorry, sounds like a porn habit he's got himself or another partner.
Ask him about why he finishes himself off, tell him it makes you unhappy.
If he denies there's a problem start keeping an eye out for other new habits, ie glued-to-phone, secretive when on laptop, staying on pc long after you've gone to bed, sat outside in car talking on his phone for ages either after he's left the house or when you hear he's arrived home.

scarletforya Thu 15-Nov-12 17:01:48

Could he be afraid of getting you pregnant?

Or maybe he's got used to the 'death grip' of spanking his monkey?

Whatsmyproblem Thu 15-Nov-12 17:03:41

Rolling off of you and finishing himself off is shitty behaviour and you are allowed to tell him you think it's disrespectful and you don't like it.

How would he feel if half way through sex you pushed him off of you and told him not to worry, you'll take it from here.

Ellington Thu 15-Nov-12 17:03:57

He does use his lap top a lot, but doesn't seem to jump when I go in the room. Doesn't look like he's trying to hide anything. He doesn't go out a lot, but does work away quite a bit. He usually goes to bed before me. I have sometimes gone up and found him using his phone, but I wouldn't say he looked like he's trying to cover anything up.

CheeseandPickledOnion Thu 15-Nov-12 17:07:36

Why on earth haven't you just asked him? You can fuck him, but not ask him that?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Thu 15-Nov-12 17:11:35

Ellington to get a broader range of input would you like to link to your recent thread? Not being sarky I think it might help.

Ellington Thu 15-Nov-12 17:32:57

Don't know how to link!!

Ellington Thu 15-Nov-12 17:34:52

Might help, but I can say that what's happening for me on the other thread started way after this.

StuntGirl Fri 16-Nov-12 00:35:09

Here you go Ellington.

StuntGirl Fri 16-Nov-12 00:38:13

I think its obvious you and your husband have, for whatever reason, lost your connection with each other. You've distanced yourself emotionally (and physically?) and he's started this very odd behaviour. Time to talk to each other and try and get yourselves on an even keel again I think.

Ellington Sat 17-Nov-12 01:05:06

Right I'll try & explain the link with my other thread as I can't link them in here. My husband's strange behaviour has been going on for a few months now. We don't have sex very often so it's even more upsetting that this happens on the rare occasion we do.
About a month or so ago I was contacted by an old friend on a social network site. We were very close friends 20 yrs ago & I knew at the time he had a massive crush on me. We slept together once, I moved away from the city where we both lived & gradually we lost touch. We live 200 miles from each other now, but what started out as commenting on each others status etc has developed into messaging each other every day for hours.
He's told me he has feelings for me & has shared some things with me about his life that I know he wouldn't tell anyone he didn't genuinely trust.
I don't know what to do. I'm consumed by my "affair". I guess I'm just trying to justify my own behaviour, but if my husband's acting like he is I don't know whether to try & save my marriage or move my affair to the next level. Hope this explains things a bit more. Confused!!

Ellington Sat 17-Nov-12 01:34:44

& thanks StuntGirl for the link.

BOFingSanta Sat 17-Nov-12 02:52:04

I would guess that he's picking up on your lack of involvement, and losing his erection.

Are you going to talk to him?

It seems a bit pointless guessing here.

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