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Partner Videoing Women

(50 Posts)
NoVictim1 Thu 15-Nov-12 10:16:34

Im 32 my partner is 41. Been together 8 years and we have a 2 yr old daughter together.
My partner has cheated on me twice.... once when he said he needed space and I moved back to my mothers for a year. He started having a relationship with his ex... got her pregnant and took her on holiday. She had a termination and it ended...we finally got back together and tried to put it behind us.. Then when I thought everything was back on track we decided to try for a baby...which we were blessed with... a couple of weeks after the baby was born he started acting strange...I asked him if anything was wrong but he denyed it but kept acting odd...so I check his phone... He was having an emotional affair with another woman at his work and they had kissed... I blew up.... but because I had a newborn to look after she was my main priority...we worked it out. I still havent forgiven him but Im trying to work it through.

That was 2 yrs ago... he has started acting odd again... so I decided to look at his phone. I can only access his photos and videos so I took a look. (Yes I know its bad to look through his phone but he is hardly going to tell me the truth if he is up to something). Anyway... at first I found that he has started to take videos of women walking around outside of his office. He videos them walking around in their shoes... high heels only. I waited a week and I check them again...this time he has video'd up a womans skirt.
I dont know whats wrong with me, I know this is disgusting and wrong but something isnt letting me feel anything about it. I dont feel angry, I dont feel upset, I just feel irked out. Why am I feeling like this?
Also, Im currently 5 weeks pregnant. We have also suffered three pretty horrendous miscarriages this year.
Im really confused about myself and him.

NettleTea Thu 15-Nov-12 23:25:38

My ex used to video and photograph women's tits and crotches on the local beach. His then GF found the pics and disposed of them. He then beat her up. He runs prostitutes in clubs. He thinks women are pieces of dirty meat. He is a disgusting pervert who thinks its OK to show porn to 10 year old boys. his children are possessions, and both of them are protected from him by court orders. when he was with me I caught him working for a madam collecting money from girls locked in rooms all over north london. Another time he was beaten up because of a 'misunderstanding' in a club in soho.
These sorts of guys have no line to draw. They believe their filthy wants come above everything else, and they dont have any care about laws or morality or anyone elses feelings or rights. Its all about them and getting their nasty rocks off.
I wouldnt let my DD go to the end of the road with a man like that, and the older she gets the greater the risk IMO. I wouldnt want any girl to be exposed to filty scum like that, who has so little respect for women - even if he tries to hide it, it will rub off on her and have an impact upon her future relationships. He treats you with disrespect by his actions and the best you can do for your daughter is walk proudly out the door and show her that you, and she, are worth far far more than that.

FastLoris Thu 15-Nov-12 23:25:02

Urghh. I don't have a problem with whatever floats anyone's boat sexually, but that's just a disgusting invasion of privacy.

worklifedifficult Thu 15-Nov-12 23:18:15

I can't add anything of value that hasn't been said above other than it is criminal to video up skirts a man was recently sentenced here in London for doing just that on Tube Escalators.

I did have a mate who confessed to doing the same... he had a fairly disturbed personality... highly intelligent, full of blustering arrogance and a confused sexuality. When he confessed it to me in a pub, I was all for going to the cops about it, I was caught between a rock and a hard place, grassing on a mate versus an abusive behaviour. It's bloody difficult. I never saw the actual video's but I did tell him I was very seriously considering the police. A couple of years later he did thank me for giving him a wake up call to change some of his behaviours, not all of them but some of them.

Sorry I can't help further - I wish you everything for the day you have this sorted and its over and done with.

BOFingSanta Thu 15-Nov-12 23:13:46

Just what would be morally repugnant enough for you to leave, OP? Child porn? Fraud? Racial assault? Rape? Murder?

Where is the line past which you will no longer hold onto your financial security to support actions which you find revolting? At some point, you have an ethical choice of your own to make. And you are your daughter's main role model.

izzyizin Thu 15-Nov-12 23:03:06

amendment to end of first sentence (above): 'where or whether the offender will draw a line'.

izzyizin Thu 15-Nov-12 23:01:34

When minor offences committed by a sex offender begin to escalate into more serious cirimes, all bets are off as to where or whether will draw a draw a line.

In addition, once certain boundaries have been crossed it's probable they'll see no need or reason and/or have no desire to curtail their activities and may develop certain compulsions to offend.

Research appears to indicate that while certain offenders such as thieves, con-artists, scammers and even murderers, can be successfully rehabilitiated, it's a case of 'once a sex offender, always a sex offender' unless, of course, society redefines or revises its laws relating to sexual offences.

AnyFucker Thu 15-Nov-12 22:20:08

of course. A man with fucked up boundaries like this wouldn't stop at having a go at his daughter, surely ?

izzyizin Thu 15-Nov-12 22:18:00

Pregnant? I missed that. That changes everything. It'll be 2 dc at risk from a pervert.

<apologies, Large - should have typed MIAL not MAIL>

izzyizin Thu 15-Nov-12 22:15:11

The harsh reality is that the dd may come crying to the OP because her df has committed a more serious sexual offence with or without his camera than that described here. MAIL.

While you may believe you are not a victim, OP, you are condoning other women being victim to his perversions and are placing your dd at risk of abuse from him.

You've been warned and I sincerely hope these thoughts play on your conscience until you do the right thing for your dd as well as for others.

OP pregnant or not, housewife or not, do you really want to be the type of woman who will accept this because he's paying for you?

There are benefits you could live on. There are ways to survive. He's a criminal and a sexual predator not to mention a misogynistic, disrespectful cheat.

Why are you even contemplating putting up with this??

amoamasg Thu 15-Nov-12 22:07:52

Boys didnt your husband betray you and decieve you ? I seem to recall your threads,nine months ago I believe .....how old is your baby ?

MakeItALarge Thu 15-Nov-12 21:59:49

Cees, that is exactly what I thought when I read it.

Op how would you feel if in twenty years your dd came home from work crying because some creep had been videoing up her skirt? Would you want the sex offender to keep his job then?

This is far beyond, and imo far worse, than him being unfaithful.

cees Thu 15-Nov-12 21:53:47

What a bloody weirdo. One day someone could do the same to your adult daughter but hey ho it's security your after so who cares.

AnyFucker Thu 15-Nov-12 21:53:07

As long as he keeps buying your handbags, you could overlook this

Right ?

yeah, go for it

BoysBoysBoysAndMe Thu 15-Nov-12 21:50:26

How the hell has he videoed up someone's skirt?

Voyeurism is illegal op.

I think you should contact citizens advice maybe to see what help and support there is available if you leave.

How can you stay with him? He is betraying and deceiving you. Where do you draw a line at this behaviour?

How do you think he'll react if you confront him?

BelleDameSousMistletoe Thu 15-Nov-12 21:48:48

Erm, you don't want to tell your partner's work in case they sack him and it jeopardises your income? He's violating the privacy of those women. Would you like it if some pervert was getting off on secret films he had of you? Taken without your consent?

Aside from that, if you're not going to do anything about it then he'll know he can just do it again. And again.

ashesgirl Thu 15-Nov-12 21:43:59

God, he sounds very creepy and disturbing. At the least, can you tell his work what he's doing?

I feel so bad for you - you must be in turmoil right now.

ObscuredByClouds Thu 15-Nov-12 21:38:14

What he's doing (filming women without their consent) is wrong. You know it is wrong. I'm really sorry but this is probably just the tip of the iceberg.

Call the tax credit helpline and check out www. entitled to.co.uk to find out how to finance your next step.

Sorry this is happening to you.

AThingInYourLife Thu 15-Nov-12 19:09:23

Don't make your daughter grow up living with a sex offender.

janelikesjam Thu 15-Nov-12 19:00:25

"Men like your DH are never happy. They are thrill-seekers and risk-takers. They enjoy thinking that they are getting one over on you and that you don't know what's going on. They are completely untrustworthy because they get their jollies out of secretive, unsavoury behaviour. Furtively videoing women without their knowledge is part and parcel of someone that doesn't actually like having an honest and open relationship with women.... "

^ Yes, this.

JollyGolightly Thu 15-Nov-12 18:58:39

He's been an awful partner to you, and now he's a sex offender too. You and the kids deserve much better.

CindySherman Thu 15-Nov-12 17:17:46

Is he using his phone for this disgusting perversion?

joblot Thu 15-Nov-12 13:05:51

I would be seriously unhappy if a man at work took vids of me. So wrong and illegal. Sorry op but he sounds like a vile human being

Guiltypleasures001 Thu 15-Nov-12 10:58:53

Yep apologies op, would still hand the ohone to the police, because if he gets caught and it all comes out in the papers which it might, it will effect you even more if he is still in the house, yet alone your little girl.

I think its time to close ranks, and get him out.

BookFairy Thu 15-Nov-12 10:57:23

I'm very sad for you. I think you perhaps need to separate your marriage from the fact that your H has committed an offence. Imagine how those women would feel if they knew he'd filmed up their skirts? What if his behaviour escalates?

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