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Do you feel closer to your DP now you have DCs, or did you feel closer before?

(23 Posts)
Latinamommy Wed 14-Nov-12 15:43:10

Just that really.

I think we were closer before sad

wifey6 Wed 14-Nov-12 15:46:22

I feel closer to my DH now than I did before our DS..but it took a good 12+ months after a difficult adjustment time as being a parenting team to get there. smile
Sorry to hear you don't OP sad
Can you not get more couples time? Easier said than done I know

RedZombie Wed 14-Nov-12 15:46:53

Before

JoandMax Wed 14-Nov-12 15:49:56

I do now but not for a good while after they were born. Looking back I was so preoccupied with the DCs, especially poorly DS2, I didn't have the time or energy for anyone else.....

But we're much closer a couple of years down the line and I would say our relationship is the best it's ever been

How old are your DCs?

Latinamommy Wed 14-Nov-12 15:53:16

DCs are 1 and 4.

It is lack of us time I think. We try to make the effort, but it is SUCH an effort finding childcare, almost doesn't seem worth it. No family near enough to help out.

It will get better when they're older maybe. If we survive!

AnyFucker Wed 14-Nov-12 15:56:51

It gets better as they get older. I promise.

Latinamommy Wed 14-Nov-12 15:57:44

We were together a long time (7 years) before the (much wanted) DCs came along and had loads of us time. It's been an adjustment to say the least.

Latinamommy Wed 14-Nov-12 15:58:02

Thanks AnyFucker!

ShamyFarrahCooper Wed 14-Nov-12 15:59:24

for the first 3 months, further apart, but then it all settled down and as close as we were previously.

DameEnidsOrange Wed 14-Nov-12 15:59:37

I do now but mine are 14 and 8 so we are getting our lives back, but the early days it drove a wedge between us for a good long while.

This too shall pass

wifey6 Wed 14-Nov-12 15:59:50

Latinamommy...we often have to have date-night after DS has gone to bed. A nice meal & film. It's not as relaxing as a meal out being wined & dined but it cuts out the hassle of childcare. Just a thought.

Latinamommy Wed 14-Nov-12 16:03:43

That's a great idea wifey6.

wifey6 Wed 14-Nov-12 16:21:47

It's sometimes our only option as we don't always feel like going out..DH tired from work & me tired from running around after a toddler all day. And I like to test new recipes out on DH so a good excuse!
We set aside a day each week where we have a really nice meal & just spend time together. We look forward to it & always feel better for it. Definitely worth a try. smile

timeforroses Wed 14-Nov-12 16:34:31

With ExP I definitely felt closer before having dc, things got so busy and my focus changed after dc that we really lost something. We split up four years after birth of DS1, mainly due to drifting apart which I don't doubt was linked to the change in our relationship.

Have a new DH now and won't be having more dc together, I am enjoying the 'us' time as my dc are older now and wouldn't want to rock the boat.

IceNoSlice Wed 14-Nov-12 16:41:29

After. Sounds mushy but I honestly love him more the longer we've been together (10 yrs together, married 6 and DS is 3 months old). It helps that he is very encouraging and we feel like a team. Didn't mean that as a stealth boast, just that I think DCs can bring you closer so long as you take time to appreciate the effort made by each other.

Having said that, my answer could well be different after the next one when we have a toddler and a newborn...

AnyFucker Wed 14-Nov-12 16:43:16

Ice, I love my husband more the longer I am with him too.

Those early hellish young children years notwithstanding of course. smile

Latinamommy Wed 14-Nov-12 16:52:01

It's ok icenoslice, it didn't sound like a stealth boast. That's why I posted, to see what it's like for other people and get ideas of how it could be different.

We've been together over ten years and before the DCs, or even when DC1 first came along, I did find that I was falling more and more in love with him as time went by.

Ah well, what doesn't kill will make us stronger right?? In the long run...

AnyFucker Wed 14-Nov-12 16:55:43

Well, yes. If you treat each other kindly in the meantime. If one partner is having more than their fair share of hissy fits, getting more leisure time and not generally pulling their weight, the rose tinted spectacles should be removed sharply.

Latinamommy Wed 14-Nov-12 17:00:34

Neither of us are having hissy fits AnyFucker, it feels more like gradual drifting. We both pull our weight, i would say.

Probably about the same.

Like you, we have no family near by so we also tend to do 'date night' type things at home. The Spicery do lovely boxes with all the spices for a nice meal, sometimes we do dine in for £10 or, if we're feeling lazy, get a takeaway.

It's also been a lot easier since dd2 started nursery. Dd1 is at school full time and dd2 goes Weds afternoon, all day Thurs, all day Friday so I've been able to meet up with dh for lunch occasionally. Also means I can get stuff done during the day that used to have to wait until the kids were in bed (studying, etc.) so we have more evening time together generally.

Beanbagz Wed 14-Nov-12 17:10:52

DH and i are closer now.

Not only have we had 2 DCs, we've survived the loss of a business, debt, death of a close family member and life changing illness of another.

If you'd asked me when my DCs were 1 & 4, i would probaby have said we were closer before.

It does get better and just because you can't go out, it doesn't mean you can't make your evenings special. You just have to remember to not talk children.

ledkr Wed 14-Nov-12 17:11:39

This made me really think. I miss out weekends away, going out a lot and staying in bed all day but seeing how amazing he is as a dad and how supportive he is to me as a mum makes me very respectful of him so I guess we are closer after.
I still miss the sex and alcohol though grin

Latinamommy Wed 14-Nov-12 17:52:19

Those things are exactly what I miss ledkr, to a tee! Making space and time in our evenings to do date nights at home might be a step forward, instead of thinking wistfully about our past spontaneaity (sp?)

Bit of a depressing thought but better than just letting it get worse and driftinf further apart.

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