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How do I get over this?

(3 Posts)
OldCatLady Wed 14-Nov-12 11:29:00

I'll try and keep it simple. Basically I had a serious relationship, we were planning on moving in together, and suddenly he got offered a job in the USA and took it. He had worked there a lot, for up to a month at a time, and I visited him once ovr there. So he moved and I didn't see him again, for a few weeks we spoke, but I heard on the grapevine he was dating someone so stopped contact. But now, every time I see anything to do with where he lives on tv, or hear people talking about it, I fill up with resentment, upset and anger. It's been over two years now, and I'm in another serious relationship but I can't gt past this.

The thing is, I know deep down we were not right for each other, we were very different, we argued a lot etc, but I cared of him deeply. Any ideas on what I can do? I just can't seem to get over it.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 14-Nov-12 12:02:32

Would it help to get back in touch, ask (in as non-confrontational a manner as you can manage) whether the grapevine was correct and see if hearing the truth helps you draw a line under it? Usually the passage of time and starting a new relationship is enough to put out old flames but, if you've got unfinished business and unanswered questions, that might be what's causing the obsession. Is your new relationship happy or do you feel that you've 'settled' for second-best?

izzyizin Wed 14-Nov-12 14:14:30

I suggest you look at the overall map of your life and see the road you may have travelled with your ex as one that led nowhere; or one that may have some validity in a parallel life, presupposing that there is such a thing or things.

In other words it's a question of simply letting it go because it didn't go anywhere and, given what you've said about the relationship you had with him, that's most probably a blessing otherwise you could have found yourself, in the words of the song, stuck outside of Mobile with the Memphis blues again.

Don't allow anger and/or resentment to make you lose sight of what you've got on this side of the pond. What you had with the other guy wasn't to be and it's what you've got, and can continue to have, with your current squeeze that matters.

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