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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Hes left me

76 replies

strugglin · 11/11/2012 20:06

We have had a massive row he grabbed my face and shoved me across the kitchen smashed and kicked his way through the house packed his stuff and went. Hes going for custody of our ds as he says ds is at risk with me hes ringing ss about my other 2 dc as they arnt his he says i need sectioning. He has just rung he wants all the babys clothes cot and anything else hes bought him by the 30th. Wtf happens now?! I havent got the strength to fight i cant loose my dcs i have no money my gas and electric are due to run out i dnt get paid until tuesday . Please help me someone

OP posts:

Report

ZigZagWanderer · 11/11/2012 20:09

He sounds unstable.
Contact the police and women's aid. Don't let him back in.
Are you hurt?

Witchety · 11/11/2012 20:09

Crisis loan tomorrow for some money? Friend and family? Lean on them

So sorry, but you will get through this.... And courts rarely separate siblings, dont worry about that

ZigZagWanderer · 11/11/2012 20:10

I have no experience, I just didn't want your post to go unanswered as you sound distressed. Do you have a friend who can sit with you.

kinkyfuckery · 11/11/2012 20:11

Did you report the assault to the police, it should be on record if he does decide to persue custody.

HappySunflower · 11/11/2012 20:12

It is vital that this incident is logged with the Police/Women's Aid- today.

Can you call a friend to come and stay with you?

strugglin · 11/11/2012 20:14

This is really sad but all i had was him not speakin to my family and i only say hello and other pleasantries to the mums at school.

My neck aching im devastated i just want to pack the kids in the car and go.

OP posts:

TeaTeaLotsOfTea · 11/11/2012 20:14

Oh that old chestnut "I'm going for custody".

I've heard it so many times before from friends and colleagues. Its a controlling threat.

Yes you should call the police and have the assault logged most definitely also be glad that the violent bully has gone.

Portofino · 11/11/2012 20:15

Yes, yes, ring the police and log this. Then phone women's aid for practical support.

strugglin · 11/11/2012 20:17

I cant ring the police im so ashamed i went through all this a few years ago with ex and now its happening again.

OP posts:

TeaTeaLotsOfTea · 11/11/2012 20:18

You have to ring the police. You have to. If you don't you're doing exactly what he wants.

Now is the time to stop him from controlling you.

He's the one that should be ashamed not you.

ZigZagWanderer · 11/11/2012 20:19

Pls ring them you have nothing to feel ashamed about.

Slainte · 11/11/2012 20:23

Please, please ring the police. If for no other reason than you'll have proof for SS that he is a violent man and can't have custody. So please do it for your DC if you feel you can't do it for yourself.

Then contact Women's Aid for more advice.

Sorry I don't live in UK so don't know anything about custody etc.

The only person who should feel shame here is him - he has assaulted you.

YuffieKisaragi · 11/11/2012 20:23

If he thinks he will get full custody of the children when he has viciously assaulted you he's both stupid and a billy. Ring the police so it is logged. My ex punched me in the face, by the time the police came there were no marks but he was arrested and charged with common assault.
I hope you're ok. You don't want or need a pathetic excuse for a man like that in your life.

strugglin · 11/11/2012 20:24

I cant stop crying im glad hes gone in a way he was a prick. But now its just me and my dcs i know what hes going to do hes going make my life shit hed done it before but i still took him back. (Sorry if this doesnt make sense i cant think straight)

OP posts:

GossipWitch · 11/11/2012 20:25

marking my place, please ring the police.

kinkyfuckery · 11/11/2012 20:26

Please, please try to contact one of those mothers at school you just say hello to. Please ask one of them in the morning school run if you can chat, and tell them you need help. They will want to help, really they will.
There are loads of mums I just talk to on the school run, but I'd hate any one of them to think they were alone when they needed someone.

NorbertDentressangle · 11/11/2012 20:27

Please phone Women's Aid now - 0808 2000 247

They will be able to help you and your children

Pochemuchka · 11/11/2012 20:27

As someone who's been through DV and eventually took it to court please, please, please report it to the police.
They take it very seriously. Call women's aid too.
Even if it means you have to go and stay in a B & B for a while with your DC to be safe it's worth it.

As far as you needing to be sectioned and him going for custody well, guess what - I heard the same things and I never ended up in a psychiatric hospital (except for when working!) and my DC never went anywhere without me.

MN gave me some amazing support and advice (under a different user name) and although it took me a while to get the confidence to do something about it (and a couple of false starts) I'm glad I did.

You and your DC are worth so much more and I guarantee any doubts you have about your sanity will vanish as soon as you have him out of your life. It's amazing how abuse changes you without you realising. I questioned myself constantly and thought I was the one who was mentally ill (I wasn't!)

Sorry for waffling on I just wanted you to know it will get better no matter how hard and scary it seems now, but you must report the incident to the police.

Wishing you and your DC all the best x

NorbertDentressangle · 11/11/2012 20:30

Here's the Women's Aid website too if you want to find out about their local services

FobblyWoof · 11/11/2012 20:30

I don't know much about these things but definitely get the assault on record with the police.

strugglin · 11/11/2012 20:34

I just want to hide under my quilt. I cant believe my dcs are going through this again.

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Asamumnonsense · 11/11/2012 20:43

If he's made your life miserable before, you know exactly what he will do and how far he can go. So be prepared and contact the police for the assault. How will he get custody if police records show that he is violent? As said, contact Women's aid also.
Do not hide please! you have nothing to feel ashamed at all. Think about being yours and your children's safety first...

strugglin · 11/11/2012 21:21

I have calmed down now and im glad hes gone and he will be staying gone this time. Im 28 with 3dcs we should be happy and settled and more importantly safe. Thanks for all the advice.

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auntpetunia · 11/11/2012 21:29

Did you phone the police?

foolonthehill · 11/11/2012 21:30

Glad you are calm but you still need to protect yourself and the DCs from this man. Please phone the police. please. You know you need to get this logged so you can keep him away from you and dc

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