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Best and worst ways to end a relationship?

(68 Posts)
Nonnus Thu 08-Nov-12 21:20:47

Just curious about other people's stories of best and worst ways to end things. My boyfriend of 3.5 years appears to have decided our relationship is over. We had a few cross words 3 weeks ago, and since then, nothing. I left it a few days then texted - nothing. Have rung a few times (withholding number) - no pick up.

For the past 3.5 years he has spent 3 nights a week in my home. My DCs love him. I haven't told them yet because they will be really upset and I can't face it while I still feel upset.

I find it amazing that a man of nearly 40 can behave in this way. Do other people have similar stories or am I just unlucky?

tryingsoonflying Thu 08-Nov-12 21:28:58

How horrible for you. It's very immature of him - presuming he's ok. I have no clever advice but hopefully wiser heads than mine will be along to provide suggestions shortly and meanwhile I couldn't just pass by without sending you support and sympathy.

shinyblackgrape Thu 08-Nov-12 21:31:13

Eh?! If DH had done that whilst we were going out I would honestly have presumed he had died. What an awful thing to do. Are you sure he is actually ok?

I had a major and justifiable row with an ex and left him to stew. After a week, a mutual acquaintance stopped me in the street and told me she was sorry to hear that we had broken up. Over the next few days, I had similar conversations with 3 other people.

Eventually he turned up at my house but he denied he'd said it!
I dumped him there and then. Twat.

He is the only one of my many exes that I blank if I happen to see him in the street.

Nonnus Thu 08-Nov-12 22:00:36

Terrible story marriednotdead, but I respect your strength of character!

I know he is ok because a mutual acquaintance through work told me she'd see him at a work event two days ago - I haven't told anyone we've parted yet because I haven't been told myself.

It's reached the point now where if I do have to speak to him, I want to tell him it's over anyway, because of his behaviour these past 3 weeks. But I will be upset when/if we do speak in either case because I love him and three weeks ago he was talking about moving in together(!)

I am also very angry with him. Selfish twat.

Punkatheart Fri 09-Nov-12 18:48:57

My OH of twenty years went to a party, came back and then said he wanted out. You are unlucky my love. Some men behave badly. I am so sorry this has happened. You deserve so much better....

OhEmGee25 Fri 09-Nov-12 18:51:51

Gosh youre a strong person. If more than 12 hours passes with no text or call from dp I go nuts with worry!

redtulip68 Fri 09-Nov-12 23:07:20

My STBXH ran off during the night when our Dc and I were in bed then when asked if he was sorry for how he had hurt us all said 'Well I could have handled it better.' Now theres a quote I have emblazened on my soul!!!

Punkatheart Sat 10-Nov-12 08:49:05

Ah....I had that quote too from my ex, redtulip. They really are stupid, aren't they! I hope that your life turned around and that you met someone who was less of a selfish coward.

WineGoggles Sat 10-Nov-12 11:29:29

Nonnus, sorry to hear you're going through this. I've had similar when an exBF went AWOL and once I'd tracked him down (2 weeks later) he said it was over. The bastard never even had the guts to tell me, just disappeared and left me to stew; it was a serious relationship too. I can handle being dumped much better than the not knowing what's happening and where I stand limbo situation. Another twat dumped me on my 21st birthday (after I asked him why he was 4 hours late picking me up to go out), an another one had one last shag then dumped me immediately afterwards (in the afterglow!), and another went AWOL after the first time we had sex (and that was on the 4th date). Sorry, I digressed, but I think you're just unlucky as in my experience it's not usual to be dumped like that.

Anniegetyourgun Sat 10-Nov-12 11:33:06

Being a bit nosy. what were the cross words about? Not that anything excuses a three-week blanking, mind you.

Can't you go round to his and find out what the fuck is going on? Don't allow him to treat you this way!

Confront him and YOU tell HIM you want out! Prick.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 10-Nov-12 11:38:37

I was dumped by my DH of six years by means of a note on the kitchen table and a follow-up answerphone message reminding me that someone was coming to fix the washing machine later that week... hmm Really don't recommend that.

Best way to end it, I think, is the short, sweet approach. 'It's not working and it's over' - said in person face to face, of course. Longer relationships might deserve a little more dialogue but I can't see the point stretching it out with great long explanations. The end result is the same, the hurt is no less really. Where there are children involved and contact retained, the best way is to be fair. Similarly with marital assets. But the actual 'it's over' conversation shouldn't be dragged out.

Did your 'cross words' OP result in any kind of 'I won't be back' type sentiments? He probably thinks that was implicit.

SirBoobAlot Sat 10-Nov-12 11:43:52

A boyfriend told me he was going to the pub, then.... Nothing. I was actually frantic with worry. I didn't hear anything from him for a week. And then I got a letter through the post telling me he couldn't deal with the fact I was now disabled.

Twat.

I'm sorry you are being treated like this, you really deserve better.

reasonstobecheerful Sat 10-Nov-12 11:53:17

Ex Husband of over 20 years did a runner in the middle of the night without a word, wouldn't tell anyone where he was, when we did finally speak he acted like he'd just nipped out for a pint of milk, I've never had a single word of explanation since, oh he did come round to talk once early on but literally sat and watched telly and said not a word. When the divorce was finalised he just said vaguely 'oh yeah I think my solicitor said something about that'. Twat.

SirBoob shock what an absolute bastard.

motherinferior Sat 10-Nov-12 12:05:24

I found the long list of why 'it's not me, it's you', complete with 'I do want to have children, I've realised, just not with you' and the extensive breakdown of everything I had done wrong over the past three years a little...devastating at the time. (I ended up with clinical depression after it.)

Being phoned (by a different tosser) on Christmas Eve, when I was halfway across the country visiting my sister and her new baby, to be told 'I'm going back to my soulmate, so you might want to rearrange your Boxing Day travel plans' was not fab either.

SoleSource Sat 10-Nov-12 12:11:48

A so called friend dumped me by text. An ex lover used me while his girfriend was overseas but he dumped me to my dace in a nice wsy even though he had proved to be an evil criminal. Anothet guy dupeed me to my face but was already cheating on me.

SoleSource Sat 10-Nov-12 12:12:54

Other friends just disappeared much to my relief but it is the cowards way out.

kingsriver Sat 10-Nov-12 12:35:40

I had a bf once who told me he wanted "someone to look good on his arm" This did wonders for my self esteem as you can imagine.
In fairness he apologised 20 years later for being such a prick.

SirBoobAlot Sat 10-Nov-12 13:09:31

Wow, looks like we've all met some right wankers.

<hands around wine>

EdgarAllanPond Sat 10-Nov-12 13:17:51

i think it is unwise to end a relationship face to face - if you really must do so, do it in a public space.

too many women get killed every week by partners they are trying to leave - some of whom had never been violent before.

Phone call i think i personal enough, though not risky.

SoleSource Sat 10-Nov-12 13:20:46

Not all relationships are violent. Sorry that has been your experience Edgar.

EdgarAllanPond Sat 10-Nov-12 13:22:11

it wasn't my experience because i have always used a phonecall - since a workmate was throttled to death by her previously non-violent OH i don't take chances.

SoleSource Sat 10-Nov-12 13:24:16

Not all relationships are violent and ending via a phonecall is the only option. confused

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