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concerned family member may be a child molestor

(606 Posts)
fandomfanny Wed 07-Nov-12 15:37:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Greensleeves Sun 24-Feb-13 22:14:49

I think I can understand the anger, your dh has show that he can stand up for what is right, and after this your relationship with MIL and FIL will definitely never be the same again. You're in a safer and more powerful position. So maybe it safe to actually experience all the anger now without having to worry about how you will cope with having to deal with her at the same time? I felt like that when we finally cut the strings with my mother.

Well done thanks

mamadoc Mon 25-Feb-13 00:05:30

I've just spent far too long reading this thread!

I wanted to post because a few posts back you said that one reason for updating is to remind yourself of the seriousness. If some of your family are not supportive, DH and FIL are excusing her it must be easy to doubt yourself.

IMHO she IS a paedophile. OK it might not stand up in a court of law but I have dealings with them through my job and she exhibits many of the signs. Abnormal level of interest in young children, seeking out situations where she can be in contact with children, compulsive attempts to get them alone and into situations where she can act.

You are right to take this very, very seriously.
You are right to take all the steps you are doing.

The end game has to be to cut all contact even if that means emigrating.
I just worry about how all your efforts could go to waste if she somehow manages to get around you to groom them when they are older. These people are very, very clever and manipulative.

Some of the most affecting posts on the thread are from people who shared their personal stories of being abused by family members; how easily it can happen and how devastating the consequences.

Keep strong and keep pushing on towards a MIL free future for your girls- imagine what a relief it would be to not have to worry any more.

giraffesCantFlipPancakes Mon 25-Feb-13 00:37:41

Well done for staying strong o p

EldritchCleavage Mon 25-Feb-13 00:50:25

He is frightened of her, the best way I can describe it is he shuts down. He often has no recollection of anything that has happened when they visit

Yep, sounds very familiar. And to my mind, is in itself an indicator of some kind of abuse by her. The disassociation is a survival strategy, and often a deeply ingrained one. But the more help your DH gets and the longer he spends out of regular contact with his mother, the less he is likely to (need to) disassociate. And the less he does it, the more he is going to realise what she is truly like.

Thanks for updating and I wish you well with it all. Channel that rage: it will help you stay ruthlessly focussed on keeping the children safe.

BerylStreep Mon 25-Feb-13 09:03:27

Perhaps the anger is there because it is no longer being overshadowed by fear. Well done to you both for standing up to her (and the enabling FIL).

Good luck.

BonzoDooDah Fri 01-Mar-13 19:30:30

Thanks for updating. Sounds like great progress for you and dh.

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