What do I do about my cousin?

[WaitingForMe]

I've never been close to my dads side of the family. Dad was thrown out aged 16, grandparents pretty cold/strange etc; When my dad died 9 yrs ago one of his two sisters Aunt A pretty much decided my mum and I weren't real family any more (although the sun shines out of my brothers arse). Aunt B is nice enough but will always side with her sister IYSWIM.

Aunt B has two daughters. Cousin A is just like Aunt A - deeply unhappy women who bitch, backstab and lash out rather than fix their own lives. Cousin B is nice enough but like her mum sides with her sister.

Easy solution, I have nothing to do with any of them. Life is too short.

It might be a bit awkward next summer as my brother is getting married but frankly weddings are big events and I plan to just avoid them all. I get on well with brother's inlaws-to-be and his mates.

The problem: Cousin B keeps adding me on Facebook and has now sent a message. She's recently had her second child and my first is due soon. I don't want to ignore her but I don't feel I need her in my life and she's really close to Aunt A and Cousin A. Obviously I can't tell her I don't trust anyone who chooses to be close to such toxic vapid bitches but what is reasonable? Or do I just ignore her and be rude to someone who is mostly nice?

[Walkacrossthesand]

What is she messaging you about?

[StrawberryMojito]

She doesn't choose to be close to them, they are her mum and sister, she will see the good in them of course.

Don't be her friend on Facebook if you don't want her to see things about your life but send her a text wishing her well with the baby etc. No need to ignore a pleasant woman.

[OpheliaPayneAgain]

Don't add her on FB if you don't want a relationship with her. It's not compulsory to collect people, familiy or othersie.

[diddl]

Limited contact & don´t tell her anything that you don´t want anyone else to know?

[raskolnikov]

Hi WFM
I'd reply to the message in a friendly manner and see how the relationship develops. She could have very different views to her sister/aunt etc but not want to upset her relationships within her family. That doesn't mean she can't be friends with you. Just be honest and friendly and see how it goes. If it turns sour, you can call time on it. Re the wedding, stay with the friends and relatives who you get on with, hold your head high and enjoy the day. If others want to be bitchy let them get on with it - and steer clear.

[LaCiccolina]

Gosh I had similar with an ex friend recently. A mutual friend tried to get us all together, been 8yrs and I've not missed her so wasn't very keen. Then she fbd me! Argh! So I friended her for a month. I gave her time to snoop all photos, presuming this really wot she wanted, read hers and vapid updates (yum! Ham cheese sarnie in LA!) then changed my settings so I couldn't read them. Have it a few more weeks and then surreptitiously blocked her. I really doubt she's noticed.... U don't really do u if not one of closest group.

This is rather a long game, suggest u don't block her til after Xmas once she's snooped to hearts content. She won't notice in jan. if she does well fb cocked up! Refriend and start again.....

It's not worth a massive fight over. Save that for something bigger as there will b something nearer the actual wedding......!!!!!!

[OwedToAutumn]

Don't ignore her. Be polite and send a card.

There is really no need to tell her anything about you at all, though, except factual basics.

[WaitingForMe]

I quite like Strawberry's suggestion. I can reply to her messages without adding her (can I blame baby brain for not thinking that? )