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Loosing bestfriend and probably lost dp because I am 'too moody'

(47 Posts)
MeriouslySessedUp Sat 13-Oct-12 19:59:37

For weeks now best friend has been asking me if I am ok as i'm 'off with her and seem different' I dont have a problem and didnt even realise I was ' being weird'

and today..dp said I'm always moody and its like walking on egg shells and asked me what was wrong, I assured him nothing was wrong and apologised but he said he still thinks there is a problem and went quiet...awkward silence and one word answers for rest of afternoon. We then went to shop, in silence, and after 20 mins or walking round in silence I snapped and walked away....out the shop and home.

What the frig is wrong with me? I love dp and where we are going and best friend is amazing too so why am I unknowingly acting like this?

I really need some help as we havnt spoken since and I dont know what to do...

garlicbutty Sun 14-Oct-12 02:32:35

I'd ask each of them to be specific. How does your friend feel you've changed? Examples? Things you would/wouldn't have done before you 'changed'? What have you said & done that she feels is off? Show your concern, ask for clarification. She owes it to you after saying all that. Same with DP: walking on eggshells? How come? Have you been flying off the handle, criticising him a lot more, putting him down, what??

It's just not okay to say, basically, "You used to be lovely now you're crap" without some specifics.

The fact that they did makes me think there's something else going on, too, I'm afraid. But let's not leap to conclusions - get the feedback, then see whether there's any sense in it!

CalamityKate Sun 14-Oct-12 02:35:41

They're shagging.

Mayisout Sun 14-Oct-12 07:01:28

I dont think I have ever felt so low in my life as I do right now though

Do you mean you are low due to DP not speaking or are you low all the time because if you are depressed then they might be noticing this and wondering what's wrong.

Are you envious of BF getting married?

Whatever the case your DP is being childish if he hasn't spoken all day.

chipsandmushypeas Sun 14-Oct-12 07:31:07

How are you this morning, op?

MeriouslySessedUp Sun 14-Oct-12 09:06:46

I still haven't heard from him, and haven't spoken to best friend either, partly because I dont want to bother her and partly because of what is being said.

I've got my brave face on as ds is here, but he's besotted with dp too so its really difficult.

I've decided, i'm going to ask to change my pill and run a few things past the doc as i've cried a lot lately for silly reasons which isnt like me, its a pathetic excuse but maybe its hormones. I've nothing going on in my life lately thats any different to anyone else so cant excuse it that way. Constantly exhausted, skint etc etc,

Thank you for all giving me your input, I'm starting to think maybe we should just go seperate ways as I'm obviously not making him happy being mself and I shouldnt have to fake it. I know I'm just saying that though and I dont want to. urghhh, my head hurts. and whats worse, i'll see him at work tomo!

differentnameforthis Sun 14-Oct-12 09:13:26

OP, you aren't pregnant are you? Hormones messing you up?

MeriouslySessedUp Sun 14-Oct-12 09:23:20

Oh god dont say that! I dont think I am,last time I 'just knew' and I dont have that feeling now.

MeriouslySessedUp Sun 14-Oct-12 09:48:32

OK, He's text me saying all he wants is for me to be happy and the last few weeks I dont seem to be and he feels like I'm pushing him away

YouMayLogOut Sun 14-Oct-12 09:56:37

Well if he thinks you're not happy why doesn't he support you?

HecateLarpo Sun 14-Oct-12 09:57:58

In your shoes, I would be asking for clarification.

Sit down with them (not together, obviously) say that you have heard what they are saying and it's not something you are aware that you are doing. Obviously you're upset to think that you're driving them away, so you want to understand exactly what it is they are talking about and you'd like examples of the behaviour and attitude they are referring to. What did you do, what did you say. In exactly what way are you being 'off'. Tell them that you need to know what it is they are seeing in order to understand it and see if there's a problem, but that vague references to being 'off' isn't helping you to understand. So you need to know what 'off' means. What did you say? What did you do? In what way are you different now? What change have they observed? What is it they expect you to be that is different from what they are observing?

tbh, OP, wishywashy 'you're off' is unhelpful. Doesn't tell you anything. You need to know what it is they're complaining about.

something tells me that something else is going on here and if you try to get specifics out of them, they'll struggle to give them to you.

TheLightPassenger Sun 14-Oct-12 10:09:21

I agree with Garlic and Hecate, they should be only too glad to provide further details, if their concern is genuine about your well-being/behaviour. Do you think you have bee more stressed/tired/skint than usual recently?

differentnameforthis Sun 14-Oct-12 10:15:43

Could be your pill then, perhaps! But if you don't see an issue with how you are, then I agree with hectate.

differentnameforthis Sun 14-Oct-12 10:17:27

Hmm, his text sounds like an excuse. Pushing him away = he has an excuse to be distant.

Sounds v odd.

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney Sun 14-Oct-12 10:27:30

HecateLarpo advice is excellent and sums up what I've been trying to clumsily say and deleting for the last few minutes.

OP you could be mildly depressed (as in clinical, rather than just "moody") there doesn't have to be a specific reason for depression to start! Yes, lots of people have it after a traumatic life event, PND etc but sometimes it just happens, if you've been under long term low level stress (money worries etc) that could be enough. Maybe they are seeing some behaviour in you that worries them but don't know how to express it properly. Do you have a friendly, sympathetic GP? Might be worth running your feelings by them. I just think if the 2 people closest to you see a change that you are not seeing yourself, it's worth investigating. Good luck, and no don't push partner away yet, he may turn out to be a source of support once you get talking properly.

Donkeysdontridebicycles Sun 14-Oct-12 10:52:38

Hello again Meriously before coming back to your thread this morning the idea of pregnancy occurred to me too.

The thing is, now they've put the idea in your head made the same kind of remark it's sort of self fulfilling isn't it. You may well be a bit on edge with them both now, trying hard not to be moody.

YouMayLogOut Sun 14-Oct-12 11:10:40

> Pushing him away = he has an excuse to be distant.

Agree.

garlicbutty Sun 14-Oct-12 11:50:40

i've cried a lot lately for silly reasons which isnt like me

Right, so you're saying you have changed lately. But this could be due to the two people you love telling you you're "off"! confused << you will be

Hecate's wording was good, imo. Please, before deciding you're some kind of emotional reject (!) get them to tell you just what they're on about.

A small observation: my twunt of an H kept saying he wanted me to be happy. He meant "be la-la happy for my convenience", not "how can I contribute to the happiness in your life, Garlic". It's very unwise to take 'unhappy' as a criticism, I now realise ...

As ever in relationships, Meriously, communication is the key to enlightenment.
Your nickname makes me giggle disproportionately, btw! So thanks for that smile

chipsandmushypeas Sun 14-Oct-12 12:05:07

I was a very angry, snappy, weepy person on a certain pill, me and my DP almost broke up over it because I never seemed happy either whereas on the inside I felt ok. Artificial hormones can really change people, worth looking into. Once I came off it I was my old, happier self.

Of course it could be nothing to do with it. Good luck op.

MeriouslySessedUp Sun 14-Oct-12 20:32:42

chips were you aware you were doing it?

dp is coming round tomorrow night, He's said it'll take more that this to get rid of him and when you love someone you work to sort things out and I need to tell him if i've got things on my mind.

MeriouslySessedUp Sun 14-Oct-12 20:37:26

I think I'll change my pill regardless, It cant do any harm can it even if its not the pill causing it. (though I do like the fact I can blame it on that a bit and its not totally me just not being nice)

I will be asking both of them to give me examples, I agree its not fair of them to just say this sort of thing and not back it up.

topknob Sun 14-Oct-12 22:29:23

These reasons are why I don't take the pill, I have tried about 4 and they all make me loose it and down sad I do hope they aren't shagging but tbh, it all sounds a but odd xx

topknob Sun 14-Oct-12 22:29:30

bit

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