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mumsnet widower poison

(135 Posts)
jm8997 Thu 11-Oct-12 00:19:42

I have no one else to talk to about my feelings. My wife has family and friends, but she also appears to spend a lot of time on mumsnet. I feel suicidal, lonely and always blamed for the bad things that happen in life. Some of the threads on this website are so intensely vitriolic and polarised that I believe my wife is being destroyed from the beautiful kind loving person I married. Her addiction to mumsnet is really scaring me, yet I fear I cannot raise it with her as she would get angry with me. Help?

LineRunner Thu 11-Oct-12 01:23:05

I saw your thread, Littleblue, and I know you've been here for a long time on MN.

Littleblue Thu 11-Oct-12 01:24:17

About seven years smile

jm8997 Thu 11-Oct-12 01:24:24

Ok, I've decided to leave this and end it all. The cat is downstairs with me, so I will leave the house. I hope my wife can forgive me, but I cannot face the inevitable recrminations and fighting, as to confront her on this clearly states that I think she is at fault. I don't care who is at fault, I just want it to end.

This is no solution.

Please call samaritans.

ThingsThatGoBumpInTheNight Thu 11-Oct-12 01:31:02

Maybe your DW spends a lot of her time on here to get support with her feelings. Admirably you have taken her lead and done the same.

Maybe you should ask her out on dates, be loving and romantic to each other. Do you have DC's? Get a babysitter, have some 'us time' and take the DC's out if you have them.

I second calling the samaritans or email them if you can not face calling?

springyhope Thu 11-Oct-12 01:36:56

I wouldn't recommend emailing them - the reply is slow and very short. Talk to them OP. 08457 90 90 90* (UK) 1850 60 90 90* (ROI)

izzyizin Thu 11-Oct-12 02:34:53

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

SaraBellumHertz Thu 11-Oct-12 05:14:31

Izzy I'd rather not take that chance hmm

Either the OP is genuinely distressed and upset and is now contemplating suicide more deeply than he previously was

Or

The OP is posting here to seek a reaction from his wife and posters have done a nice job in goading him into be sufficiently angry that he'll do who knows what.

So people aren't convinced by him? Ignore and let the post go or report. The vitriol achieves nothing but make those dishing it out look as poorly behaved as they believe him to be.

Offred Thu 11-Oct-12 06:45:24

My honest view is that you are very mentally ill and need some help with this before you do anything else. From your post on the other thread you are intensely paranoid as you read into that thread about one person who happened to be a man sexually abusing his partner who happened to be a woman that MN hates men. I take your impression of MN as "intensely vitriolic" with a pinch of salt therefore.

My concern is also that you were directed to the mental health rather than relationships board (and this would have been better if your aims of getting help are genuine) and yet here you are on the relationships board saying your wife use MN and you don't like it.

MN is not pushing your wife away from you. Your behaviour is if it is anything like what it has been on here; intense paranoia, manipulative suicide threats (and that's not to say you don't feel bad but you haven't killed your self or sought help on mental health you have come here instead) and intense and inalienable self defeating victim hood with a little attempt at controlling behaviour. No-one can live like that.

ThingsThatGoBumpInTheNight Thu 11-Oct-12 11:11:47

Well if its true and he does it, i will not feel responsible, and neither should his DW

I have tried to talk someone out of doing this before on FB, he was in another country, a lovely man, devastated by not being allowed to see his child.
He had taken an overdose and sat on the computer telling everyone, he was told to get help, call an ambulance, but didn't believe that he'd taken enough tablets to cause damage, so took himself off to bed, everyone trying to help him was going nuts, trying to find phone numbers in his country to find out where he was, trying to get someone who knew his real name as he had a made up one on his fb.

The following morning there was a message on his wall saying he had passed away in his sleep sad

I think if the OP came on to get his jollies he is a very bad person sad

Doubt he'll be back anyway, even if he DTD i would frankly be amazed as it takes a strong person, with guts, to end it, and that guts would have been better directed at fixing his relationship with DW. He'll leave the sensitive people who really are concerned, genuinely, worried about whether he's ok or not.

I'm with izzy. Manipulative people threaten suicide and then pout 'Then you'll be sowwy!'. Some of us have to deal with it regularly.

JustFabulous Thu 11-Oct-12 11:25:15

Littleblue - I think you have behaved appalingly in this thread. I understand you are pissed off because your ex attacked you on here but this poster is not your ex and clearly needs help. If you feel he isn't genuine then ignore but don't kick someone when they ask for help because you are bitter that your ex pissed you off.

OP - if you feel writing things down will help why not write to your wife privately rather than trying to reach her through MN as that rarely ends well. I advise you go to your GP as you might benefit from some individual and couples counselling.

Littleblue Thu 11-Oct-12 11:29:58

Maybe , but I remain of the opinion he's sitting there laughing up his sleeve at the genuine compassion he's generated on here... and I waded in in retaliation for his antics on my thread. simple as that....

OxfordBags Thu 11-Oct-12 11:30:58

My take on this is that if my husband had such a sexist and patronising view of me that I was a silly little woman who could have my entirely personality changed so easily by going on a website, then I'd be pissed off with him too. I think the OP is either refusing, or is unable, to take responsibility for his part in the problems in his relationship and is looking for something - anything - to blame instead for making his wife unhappy.

That he has interpreted understandably negative reactions to domestic abuse as women hating men, and that he threatens suicide if people don't tell or give him exactly what he wants, points to someone who is deeply egotistical and manipulative. I do also think you are probably very depressed and need some urgent help, OP. I would suggest that MN has opened your wife's eyes as to how unacceptable your behaviour is, as opposed to just turning her into a man-hating harpy. If she is angry and upset with you, only YOU are responsible for that, not faceless strangers on the internet.

GoldShip Thu 11-Oct-12 11:31:56

Whether of you're of that opinion or not, when someone is stating that they feel suicidal you don't come out with some of the crap that you have. In cases like that you need to give the benefit of the doubt because you 'wading in in retaliation' could do damage if the case is true.

Littleblue Thu 11-Oct-12 11:34:37

Last words on this...He abused me on my thread , a thread I started because of my own distress and severe depression , I'll say nothing else.

HecateLarpo Thu 11-Oct-12 11:39:12

I hope that you don't choose to take your own life, because that's a very desperate thing to do and the devastation it leaves is horrendous and nothing you have posted about here is an insurmountable problem, it's just very hard to see that when your judgement is clouded by depression and extreme upset.

If you are still reading this, please phone the samaritans and talk about how you are feeling.

if the DW of the OP is reading - please get out! please don't be manipulated and controlled by this extremely abnormal behaviour. don't feel responsible. if you have children please, please, please leave with them and get them somewhere healthy and sane.

rest assured the vast majority of people reading this will see him for he is. i wish you luck in moving forward in your life.

OP - your wife is a woman: an adult female human being with her own mind, feelings, experience and opinions. to suggest she is such a weak, stupid little creature that her whole personality can be changed by chatting to some women on the internet is insulting, ridiculous and an act of jaw dropping denial and transference.

ThingsThatGoBumpInTheNight Thu 11-Oct-12 12:05:22

If the OP hadn't said that they were married and had a cat i would have thought he was mine grin i'm constantly on MN

CinnabarRed Thu 11-Oct-12 12:23:08

I have no idea whether the OP is genuine or not, and I'm not going to speculate.

I do, however, want to say that suicide threats can be genuine. My DF committed suicide when I was 16. I didn't take him seriously, but in fact he was deadly serious.

Of course suicide threats can be manipulative. But I always take them at face value because I wish I'd done exactly that 21 years ago.

AnEerieAirOfHorror Thu 11-Oct-12 12:23:10

This is the most icky thing.i have read on mn so far in two years.

DreadingWhatComesNext Thu 11-Oct-12 12:28:52

Like littleblue, I'm wary here reading this.... My x put a key logger on pc, and this is why I name change a lot. SO paranoid (still).

If the op has the savvy to post here, he can email the samaritans. jo@samaritans.org I think it is. There is a mental health board here. Look for support. Don't start off with blame and hate.

There is no vitriol here, not towards good men. There was a time when bad husbands could get away with beating cheating slapping and abusing their wives more easily, and yes, the internet has brought women toghether in a 'back slapping brigade' as my x would call it. Is that a bad thing? A good man would not think it was a bad thing.

ThingsThatGoBumpInTheNight Thu 11-Oct-12 12:30:54

Sorry to hear of your loss Cinnebar .. i know from my brothers who lost their DF to suicide (he was a horrible person but it was still sad and a shock) how hard it is to pick up the pieces afterwards.

DreadingWhatComesNext Thu 11-Oct-12 12:32:14

@ OP, strangers on the internet only gave me the confidence to draw a line. I always KNEW where the line was, even before I had the confidence to mark it.

Offred Thu 11-Oct-12 12:52:02

The thing that makes me really uncomfortable is that he's coming on here because he's trying to get at the place his wife goes for support. On littleblue's thread he was directed and linked to the mental health board yet he still managed to start a new thread here, where his wife is, rather than in there where he would get support. Suicide threats aside because plenty of people who manipulatively threaten do kill themselves, this shows the motives behind the post. He's here to get to his wife not get support otherwise why post here against the MNHQ advice and link?

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