Note: Mumsnetters don't necessarily have the qualifications or experience to offer relationships counselling or to provide help in cases of domestic violence. Mumsnet can't be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

mumsnet widower poison

(135 Posts)
jm8997 Thu 11-Oct-12 00:19:42

I have no one else to talk to about my feelings. My wife has family and friends, but she also appears to spend a lot of time on mumsnet. I feel suicidal, lonely and always blamed for the bad things that happen in life. Some of the threads on this website are so intensely vitriolic and polarised that I believe my wife is being destroyed from the beautiful kind loving person I married. Her addiction to mumsnet is really scaring me, yet I fear I cannot raise it with her as she would get angry with me. Help?

jm8997 Thu 11-Oct-12 00:58:23

I thought that by putting messages on here, its a place where I can express my feelings, and maybe she can see the effect its having in me indirectly. In my experience tonight I have been attacked for poor etiquette and mocked, so qed perhaps I can show some of you regulars that a pc separating you and the real world can make some people quite polar in their behaviour. I do appreciate the advice I're received so far, and will try to go down the suicide route or the painful counselling route. I am sure whichever I finally choose, my wife will continue to use this website as a place to share her ideas.

happyhazydaze Thu 11-Oct-12 00:58:25

Has something happened today that makes you feel like its all too much? Part of why your wife will be using mumsnet a lot is because there is an incredible amount of support and advice on here, but there's also a lot of home truths that get told as well. So if you want to talk and be honest, go for it and I know people will try to help you. But why not ring the Samaritans and have an actual, private chat with someone too?
And please, if your wife is using mumsnet, do not use this as a means of communicating with her. Make sure you respect each other privacy on here because otherwise I guarantee you will just make a bad situation much worse.

jm8997 Thu 11-Oct-12 00:58:55

I thought that by putting messages on here, its a place where I can express my feelings, and maybe she can see the effect its having in me indirectly. In my experience tonight I have been attacked for poor etiquette and mocked, so qed perhaps I can show some of you regulars that a pc separating you and the real world can make some people quite polar in their behaviour. I do appreciate the advice I're received so far, and will try to go down the suicide route or the painful counselling route. I am sure whichever I finally choose, my wife will continue to use this website as a place to share her ideas.

Littleblue Thu 11-Oct-12 00:59:37

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

jm8997 Thu 11-Oct-12 01:06:10

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

springyhope Thu 11-Oct-12 01:06:49

It can be a rough highway on here - try to tune out the negative posts (easier said than done I know). If you really are feeling beside yourself then try posting in mental health , though it is a slower board and people may not be around. Or stick it out on here and if you are sincere, that usually wins people round.

I'm not sure why those who are reporting feel compelled to post as such. Have you thought about writing a letter to your wife? Then you get the chance to say what you feel - though try not to attack or blame, just say how you feel using the 'when you/I feel' model eg 'when you are nasty to me, I feel I can't speak', 'when you are on MN I feel left out and lonely' etc.

Littleblue Thu 11-Oct-12 01:07:39

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Littleblue Thu 11-Oct-12 01:09:00

Now that would be creative... as you have no idea what I look like...

springyhope Thu 11-Oct-12 01:09:39

pack it in posters. This is relationships, home of the (supposedly) supportive posts. If you can't be supportive, report it do, but bugger off.

Take no notice OP. but please don't post threats of doing the deed and relishing hurting an anonymous poster. They are nothing to you, leave them there.

Littleblue Thu 11-Oct-12 01:11:26

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

LineRunner Thu 11-Oct-12 01:11:53

I agree that posting threats of doing the deed and relishing hurting an anonymous poster, who has also posted for help today, is not on.

jm8997 Thu 11-Oct-12 01:13:10

Your suggestion that I am a person who would hurt another is shocking! My pent up frustration and anger needs some form of release, and I thought I made it clear I know destruction is wrong, that is precisely why I feel so troubled.
I came here to seek help. I think it is people like you here who have bullied others and shown the darker side of humanity that have dragged participants down into the gutter.
If you are my wife, you are no longer the wonderful person i loved and married. You need to climb out of your hell and seek help to fix yourself!

happyhazydaze Thu 11-Oct-12 01:13:20

We don't know that for certain. This might actually be someone who needs support, if you don't believe it you don't really have to engage.
Op what could happen tonight that would help how you are feeling?

OldLadyKnowsNothing Thu 11-Oct-12 01:13:23

I was with Op until he suggested that his wife would be responsible if he topped himself.

OP, only you make that decision. You can blame as many others as you like, but at least be man enough to take responsibility for your own decisions.

Littleblue Thu 11-Oct-12 01:15:19

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

bitbewildered Thu 11-Oct-12 01:16:01

Op, I really do think you need to seek RL help. GP? Samaritans?

izzyizin Thu 11-Oct-12 01:16:02

Suicide is painful and has been known to lead to death after those who were sure it was the right choice for them changed their mind.

Counselling is considerably less painful and leads to improved quality of life for those who are prepared to change their mindset.

Maybe a little less melodrama and a little more willingness to work in partnership with your dw and others will go some way to resolving your problems?

As you are able to express yourself in writing I very much doubt that you lack the ability toarticulate your thoughts and feelings verbally but, if being open and honest with others is a problem for you, why not print off your thread(s) and use it/them as a starting point for the conversation you need to have with your dw?

akaemmafrost Thu 11-Oct-12 01:16:14

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

jm8997 Thu 11-Oct-12 01:17:38

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

missymoomoomee Thu 11-Oct-12 01:17:45

Little I think you might be better to hide this thread before it causes you any further upset, op if you genuinely want help then you are going entirely the wrong way about it, you need to calm down and stop with the threats.

springyhope Thu 11-Oct-12 01:17:54

OP, get off the 'puter and call the Samaritans where you can rant and be heard - they will stay with you until you calm down. 08457 90 90 90 (UK) 1850 60 90 90 (ROI)

LineRunner Thu 11-Oct-12 01:18:43

I think this is a very goading thread and I would ask MNHQ to close it down.

happyhazydaze Thu 11-Oct-12 01:18:47

Little blue I've seen your other thread and think you come across as a very smart and brave person, and I really wish you all the best with your situation. But I really don't understand why you are still posting on this thread, it seems like its winding you up and it's definitely not helping either you or the op.

Dryjuice25 Thu 11-Oct-12 01:18:55

Why is your wife to blame if you take your life ?

Littleblue Thu 11-Oct-12 01:20:34

Its not upsetting me in the slightest... he hijacked a very personal and painful thread I started , took the piss , and is manipulating the kindness and support available on here...and will undoubtedly make sure his wife knows about it in spades... I have nothing more to say , as its just feeding him.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now