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mumsnet widower poison

(135 Posts)
jm8997 Thu 11-Oct-12 00:19:42

I have no one else to talk to about my feelings. My wife has family and friends, but she also appears to spend a lot of time on mumsnet. I feel suicidal, lonely and always blamed for the bad things that happen in life. Some of the threads on this website are so intensely vitriolic and polarised that I believe my wife is being destroyed from the beautiful kind loving person I married. Her addiction to mumsnet is really scaring me, yet I fear I cannot raise it with her as she would get angry with me. Help?

BigBroomstickBIWI Thu 11-Oct-12 00:23:33

So you would rather post here, slagging MN off, instead of talking to your wife?

LineRunner Thu 11-Oct-12 00:23:38

Have you put the rubbish out yet?

feelokaboutit Thu 11-Oct-12 00:24:15

Are you my husband grin ??

Seriously though, I am sorry you feel suicidal and lonely sad. Can you give us more details of your situation?

I think I know what you mean, but if MN had changed your wife its likely that she feels empowered rather than vitriolic.

What else is going on?

BigBroomstickBIWI Thu 11-Oct-12 00:31:33

I have reported this post

GoldShip Thu 11-Oct-12 00:32:52

Why have you reported it confused

missymoomoomee Thu 11-Oct-12 00:32:59

I am sorry you are feeling so low op, but I can't understand why you want advice from the very people who are apparently turning your wife into such a horrible person.

BigBroomstickBIWI Thu 11-Oct-12 00:33:32

Because I believe all is not as it seems, given the OP's posts on a couple of other threads this evening.

springyhope Thu 11-Oct-12 00:36:29

It is very easy to get addicted to mumsnet (raises hand). Unfortunately you are not going to win many friends here by posting on her hallowed ground iyswim.

You have to raise it with her (if you haven't already by posting here, on 'her' site). LIving with someone who is addicted is a very lonely place - the body is there but no-one's in. So you have to talk to her and tell her how you feel - and listen to what she says, too. YOu may need a professional third party present to ensure you both have your say. eg who is blaming you for 'the bad things that happen in life'? What bad things, what life?

Some of the threads on MN are 'intensely vitiolic' (though it depends which board you're looking at - AIBU is often the aforementioned but best taken with a pinch of salt: we're all compelled to be 'good' the vast majority of the time, it's good to let off a bit of steam and be 'bad' - it's easy to be 'bad' from behind a screen). Otherwise there are some deeply caring threads, posts and posters on MN - I can think of so many where posters have supported someone through a very difficult time and been prepared to go the long haul. I wonder what you've been looking at to draw the 'vitriolic' and 'polarised' conclusions. Look closer - there's some fabulous stuff here.

anyway, I think the point is that you feel you've lost your wife to an internet site - you wouldn't be the first and it is very isolating to be outside in the cold if this is the case. If you are feeling suicidal, please get some professional support soonest - talk to your GP and get some good support in place.

I'm sorry you're having a bad time OP. xx

jm8997 Thu 11-Oct-12 00:40:33

Sory I am so weak and pathetic I cannot talk to my wife. I am not the most articulate man, and I often say the wrong thing, especially when I try to extend an olive branch to try to get back on speaking terms with her.
Without anyone else to talk to, I have resorted to this website. BigBroomstickBIWI to quote you from the other thrad im on, how (on earth!) do the flippant comments I got in response to my post help me in my situation! I am trying to show a little tolerance of your views, and trying to show how bad I feel about the loss of my wife, and how I feel the decline in her mood and the deterioration in our relationship have run in parallel with obsession with mumsnet.
As to the chauvinist stereotype of the man putting the bins out, yes, predictably, this is my role, and the criticism and passive agression, and constant feelings of being a disappointing failure are often overwhelming, but I have no time or place to cry. I do something wrong, she gets angry, i apologise, she gets angry with herself, or me, over and over.

GoldShip Thu 11-Oct-12 00:43:57

Oh no sad I have nothing to say coz I'm crap at giving relationship advice, but please don't do anything daft. You need to talk, in plain terms if you can.

X

GoldShip Thu 11-Oct-12 00:45:02

And I understand the obsession with mumsnet thing. I had to give myself a talking to because I was being so bad tempered with DP when I'm on it.

bitbewildered Thu 11-Oct-12 00:45:48

I'm not sure a thread about domestic sexual harassment was the best place for your first post though jm8997. I can see why BIWI was a bit hmm.

monsterchild Thu 11-Oct-12 00:50:48

Op, you need RL help, not mumsnet help. Please contact someone who can really help you, a counselor or religious leader?

Or at least post in MH, because suicidal thoughts are better dealt with there, they know how to refer to you RL assistance.

it sounds like you and your DW need counselling too. again, not going to get that here.

jm8997 Thu 11-Oct-12 00:50:49

At the moment I just want to break and destroy things and it is making me feel weak and angry and conflicted because I know it is wrong. The vicious comments I am receiving here are making me feel resentful and angry, as these are the comment that are poisoning my wife and hurting me.

missymoomoomee Thu 11-Oct-12 00:51:00

Op having read your other posts I think you should at least see and speak to a doctor, we all go through rough patches in our relationships, some worse than others, but to feel suicidal because of it is very worrying. Maybe getting your feelings out in the open to a 'real person' will help you to articulate what you want to say to your wife.

I don't think Mumsnet is the problem but I can see how its easier for you to have something to blame.

Hope things improve for you soon op.

Littleblue Thu 11-Oct-12 00:53:31

scuse me while I pmsl......my dv exe spammed my mn with crap like this...this person is best ignored , he's likely hacked his wifes account.

springyhope Thu 11-Oct-12 00:54:22

There definitely is a code here and it takes a while to get it... and now isn't the time to learn it if you are in extremis. As GoldShip says, don't do anything daft - it destroys the people left behind (they never get over it) - are you considering suicide seriously? If so, get help immediately . You really can't let it slide. Call the Samaritans, get an appt with your GP asap, for instance.

It sounds like things have got to a serious pitch. Do you have the means to pay for a therapist? Contact BACP - the British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy - look at the right side of the page to 'find a therapist' . A therapist will help you to 'find your voice' (this is important when you feel stuck and unable to speak) in a safe environment and will help you to release what you really feel and start making some sense of what is going on with you. If finances are a problem, ask the therapist if they offer reduced rates. Go with the therapist you like the sound of after you've called to talk to some on the list. There are male therapists around too if you would be more comfortable talking to a man. They've seen it all before btw so don't think you'll be saying/revealing anything new - though they do care.

GoldShip Thu 11-Oct-12 00:54:34

And that certainly helps! ^

LineRunner Thu 11-Oct-12 00:54:38

I've reported it too.

GoldShip Thu 11-Oct-12 00:54:51

Sorry cross posted, meant the poster before

LineRunner Thu 11-Oct-12 00:57:02

This is either real, a suicidal poster with a wife at home with whom he is unhappy, or someone who isn't. Best reported.

OliviaLMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 11-Oct-12 00:58:04

Hello OP
Just a reiteration of the other posters to seek RL help
here is our web guide
Hope that you can get some support so that you can turn this situation around.

Littleblue Thu 11-Oct-12 00:58:20

reported

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