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He's obsessed with sex...

(417 Posts)
Littleblue Wed 10-Oct-12 11:27:22

We have been dating six months , and they have largely been the happiest ever for me , except for his obsession with sex.... he takes it as rejection if I turn him down , and mostly manages to get over it.... but I turned him down last night , I was tired and stressed and not in the mood , (and his expectation is a huge turn off anyway)We were snuggled up , and he kept groping me which I was fending off but gently , to me it should be clear by then?! so he turns my face to his and insists on proper tongue snogging , which I had been evading... I HATE snogging if i'm not in the mood for sex.. I'm not frigid , when were both in the right mood the sex is incredible....he seems to think that because thats the case , we should ALWAYS be at it... so pissed off ,he turned his back on me last night, he's clearly sulking today...angry

mrsfuzzy Wed 10-Oct-12 14:18:54

littleblue, well..... what a turn around! i think i could probably speak for everyone, well done! we've all had your best interests at heart but us women have to stand up and be counted and you have done just that, get your head together with some counselling, cognitive therapy if it helps and move on, hold your head up and look towards a happier future for you and your youngsters, i wish you the very best and hope you find yourself, mentally, in a happier place soon.

cannotseeaway Wed 10-Oct-12 15:07:19

I'm one of the stupid ones OP; together 5 years, 2 dc, suffering sexual harrassment / pressure for 4 years, only recognised it as such 2 months ago, too deeply embroiled in this situation to make a clean break. I would be urging you to get out of this relationship now, but I see I don't need to smile.

Littleblue Wed 10-Oct-12 16:10:09

It totally is harrassment...even when hes not expecting sex , he makes jokes about needing two pairs of trousers etc... which is also sexual pestery..

Littleblue Wed 10-Oct-12 16:10:57

He usual texts/ims all thru the day between patients.... total silence

cannotseeaway Wed 10-Oct-12 16:18:09

He is sulking... yeuch. It sounds like you have made your mind up Littleblue, I hope you can be strong and end it soon; it is still early days in your relationship. Maybe you dumping him will give him the kick up the arse he needs to address his issues about sex and neediness, and you, of course, get to rest and relax without constant pressure smile.

fuckadoodlepoopoo Wed 10-Oct-12 17:22:27

Sulking . . . yuck!

piratecat Wed 10-Oct-12 17:28:55

he doesn't deserve any woman putting up with his crap.

hope you can stay focused. this thread has been really positive with all the support i think.

piratecat Wed 10-Oct-12 17:34:56

i'm feeling a bit concerned about his female patients and how he comes across with them tbh confused

Littleblue Wed 10-Oct-12 18:13:44

He's very professional.... his patient/client base is well established , and he wouldnt risk putting a foot wrong... he is STILL silent , which is filling me with nothing but cold contempt...any man who rejects a loving and emotionally intimate evening..having been cooked for etc , because he didn't score a fuck doesn't rate for me..... there were grey areas when we hit the skids before , not this time...oh my , not at all !!

nkf Wed 10-Oct-12 18:16:16

I know you have moved on, hugely, from your original post but I had to post. What you wrote totally resonated with me. I married a man like this and I didn't know it was a warning sign. I just didn't know. The grabbing, the shoving his penis against me in bed, the sulking. It was all such a red flag and I didn't know that at the time. And I spent two decades with him! I feel so weird just reading this. Sorry to hijack.

Littleblue Wed 10-Oct-12 18:26:29

No worries... whats really sad is Ive been here before sad

Confusingtimesahead Wed 10-Oct-12 18:53:39

I have been here before too ... But once he realised how much it was affecting me, he was great about it all, I felt at the time it had gone too far, but he got counselling and we have since enjoyed many happy years of fun and respect. We have a certain phrase we use for if 'either' of us are not in the mood, I won't tell you it but goes along the line of I will make it up to you soon! He was a wonderful man in many ways before but now he is a complete gent! Not saying it will always work but if they have a good heart let them try and show it!

nkf Wed 10-Oct-12 18:57:11

Confusingtimes, that's great but I think it sounds as if you were able to let him know that it was affecting me. I'd been abused as a child. I didn't know any better. I was a victim waiting to happen. Sorry, I need to get off this post before it all comes out.

HiHowAreYou Wed 10-Oct-12 19:00:37

You deserve better. Please believe that. x

BibiBlocksberg Wed 10-Oct-12 19:49:13

I was going to add my two pence about this type of character, having stupidly put up with one for a decade but I see things have moved on.

Just had to say that 'sexual pestery' has made it into my vocabulary as a firm favourite now, excellent way of putting it.

Go OP, you can do it and I echo the other posters who say you deserve better - MUCH better!

Yes you've been here before BUT look at how quickly you've acknowleged the re flags thats a good sign!

Sorry if it's been suggested before but google the Freedom program , lots of support there .

Yes, well done and thanks and wine to you. You've spotted his arsepigeon-ness after only six months, before he's got his feet under the table or impregnated you, you can just throw him out of your life and refuse any further contact with him. (Don't get hung up on guilt over hurting his feelings, he's not been bothered about hurting yours so you don't owe him anything but basic civility).

But it really is a good idea to get some counselling and some help with processing the bad shit that others (and this one) have done to your self-esteem. You're not stupid. You're not a born victim. You DON'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH ANY MAN'S BULLSHIT.'

Ohhelpohnoitsa Wed 10-Oct-12 22:52:38

can i ask a question? does he have far fewer responsibilities than you? it sound s to me like you are running a house and kids and life etc etc etc, and he is dropping in one night in the week with very different expectations.... i. e. he is coming footloose and fancy free for a date with the sex goddess from the weekend while you are looking around your house at all the stuff that needs to be done and dealing with your dcs eand life in. general. it sounds like he is younger or a lot morw immature than you. i think you are in different life zones - you are like the rest of us here, he is behaving like a singleton who.lives with his parenta and therefore has nothing else to occupy him. men are from Mars and all that.....

Littleblue Wed 10-Oct-12 23:53:09

Oh my... talk about nail on the head ! , he has no kids , lives alone with his dog...and in fact , longest relationship was a year ish... nother red flag ! Yes , I think he expects me to be all full of fuckliness when I do indeed have a very different hat on here... I am a mother first and foremost...and yes , he is a little younger than me , but emotionally considerably younger... I have two adult children who would behave with more decorum with their partners around other people than expect to sit around with a part of their partners anatomy in one hand....and no , hes not been bothered about hurting my feelings today... he finally broke his silence tonight , which I ignored , not out of spite or mind games , but because I have no words.... I got lumbered with my dv exe cos he didnt show his true colours til I was pregnant.... ironically , recently , dp sent me the link to Justin Lee Collins court case... the dv one..? "I could learn much from this man" he says.... apparently it was a joke , but holy FUCk...I gave him the whole dv lecture in SPADES

Littleblue Wed 10-Oct-12 23:56:34

''sexual pestery'' is perfect , he says himself he ''cant resist chasing me round the kitchen cos hes a randy little bastard''

Cluffyfunt Wed 10-Oct-12 23:57:28

Bastard.

I take it he knows about your previous dv relationship?

He's showing you who he really is and it doesn't look pretty from here.

Sorry thanks

Littleblue Wed 10-Oct-12 23:58:22

Yes , he does....

Cluffyfunt Wed 10-Oct-12 23:58:42

Ha ha!
X posted and I see he has already named himself as a bastard!

Cluffyfunt Thu 11-Oct-12 00:00:08

Who in the right mind would send you that link and 'joke'?

Is he verry stupid?

Offred Thu 11-Oct-12 00:01:22

It isn't anything to do with different expectations, responsibilities, ages or sex drives. The problem is this man is a sexual abuser. Why that is is immaterial. What is known is that he has already sexually assaulted you more than once little blue and he doesn't think anything of it. He has recently been sulking because he didn't manage to get "sex" after he assaulted you. The reason for you not wanting him to grope and molest you is irrelevant, he's showing you that if you do this he will punish you. confused

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