I have posted about problems with mil several times but so as not to drip feed I will give the whole story here...
Dp and I have been together 2 years. I have ds 7 and dd 4, he has dsd also 4. He and her mum had been seperated for 2 years when I met him. We now have ds 12 weeks.
Dp and dsd would often stay over at mine on a weekend, dsd and dd would top and tail a bit like a sleepover, they were both 3 so plenty of room in a single bed.
The first issue I had was when mil offered me a lift to work and when we were alone she said - you shouldn't treat all of the children the same, if dsd is naughty you can't tell her off because she doesn't live with you. even if she is doing the same as your children. she also said, she needs her own bed at your house because everything there is dd's. I told dp about this and we agreed about the bed thing but he wouldn't talk to her about the treating the kids differently because "he wasn't there and didn't hear her say it."
DP moved in, we got the girls bunk beds and things were fine. christmas came and went we spent exactly the same on the kids and dsd stayed over christmas eve. we treated the kids equally as we always try to.
dp's ex asked for more help so they arranged for a 50:50 custody. MIL has dsd a LOT and seeing that would change if we had dsd half the time she put a stop to it. telling Dp's ex that dsd didnt like it here, we didn't treat her specially and that it wasn't fair for her to be treated equally. DP didn't do anything about it.
In may this year mil rings dp drunk, (she has a drink problem and gets drunk every night but still holds down a job etc) saying how he should pick up dsd first because she is his daughter not those other kids, over and over. DP just hung up and wasn't going to mention it again. The next morning when she had sobered up I text her and said we treat the kids fairly, i know you think dsd should get specialy treatment but we treat them all the same and you will have to get used to it. MIL didn't like it, called me a hard faced bitch and to get fucked. DP said he was keeping out of it because it was my fault for texting her.
July comes and we have ds, the day we come home from hospital mil comes to visit and completely ignores me. When he was 2 weeks old dp took ds round there even though he is breast fed and i wasn't welcome. I wasn't happy about it but he went again the next week. she then didn't see ds for 5 weeks, then dp took ds there again, she didn't see him for weeks and then dp went there again. I told dp that she can come round any time, i have no problem with it.
Since ds has been born dp broke his phone so his family text my phone to contact him. if he is not in I always relpy to mil that he's not there but i will pass the message on and get him to call when he comes back. she never replies to these messages.
yesterday - I wake up and dp says my mum wants to come round and see the baby so can you go out please or she won't come. I said no but i will have a shower dry my hair etc and stay out of the way he ince agreed but said i have to stay upstairs.
When she had gone I said, I have done it this time but I won't be staying upstairs everytime she comes round, this is ridiculous and we need to sort it out. I have tried being polite and civil when she texts and get ignored what do you want me to do. DP kicked off saying how it is all my fault, I am evil and trying to keep ds away from his mum. I am just a sweat (nice) and generally giving me grief over it. I told him to leave and he has.
Sorry this is soooo long but is there anything more I could have done or could do or does he need to stand up to his mother (which he refuses to do incase it causes a row).
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Relationships
we are over - mil related (very long so no drip feeding)
Rachog · 08/10/2012 14:20
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