My DH is away at the moment and I realise yet again that I have no friends and nobody that wants to talk to me or spend time with me.
I have spent the weekend trying to entertain my 12-month-old daughter on my own and it has been REALLY hard work. I feel awful for saying that, she is a total joy. Apart from her I've only spoken to DH, my mum and a couple of sales assistants.
I never receive texts, so I'm not sure why I have a mobile. It's actually become something that torments me rather than something to enhance my life. I constantly check it and am constantly unsurprised there's nothing.
We live in a garrison village but are civilian so I struggle to meet people locally. I went to a BFing group and baby swimming in the hope I'd meet other mums and although people were nice it just never got beyond pleasantries. I don't think I act desperate. I try to be amusing and interested in people but they never seem interested in me or ask me about myself. Is this normal? I get so despondent and wonder if I'm coming across as too inquisitive or nosey. I LIKE making conversation but now I wonder if all these years I've actually never been any good at it.
I live far from my family and hometown, and in any case I believe my family do not like me. My mum and I have a relationship that feels more business than pleasure. I have one brother and two female cousins but none of us are close. I think I get on with my in-laws but they might just be putting up with me for my husband's sake. They also live far away.
We have 'couple' friends who are either up north or at a different stage of life to us. My DH is older than me so our couple friends have grown up children and we have only just started! I can already feel them losing interest in us now we can't do the things we used to.
I work full time but it is a male dominated business. Since I returned from mat leave I have been working with another woman who I think i get on with really well - we share the same sense of humour and she says she enjoys having me around but I feel like her court jester. She has a group of 3 friends and they go to do all the things I would love to do, but its obvious she doesn't want me to infiltrate their social group. Again she is at a different point in life with teenage kids.
All my life I had male friends instead of female but that has worked out so wrong. Up til recently I had one friend who I could've called on to go out for a beer and he was a male (work friend). Now he has got a girlfriend and dropped me like a stone. I feel abandoned by him and I feel unreasonably bitter about it.
I love my daughter so much, she is such a sociable little thing and I feel I'm doing her a disservice in not being able to make friends so she can have little pals to play with. I thought having a child I would, as a sort of by-product, make new friends. Why am I finding it so hard! I am so so jealous of other women and their friendships. I've been on mumsnet for 18 months and I haven't even made friends here. I have Facebook friends my own age who seem to be at weddings every weekend. I haven't been to a wedding since my own 5 years ago! I feel jealous of the cashiers in Tesco when I hear them arranging social events.
I like my own company but I also like other people's, yet I'm getting increasingly anxious about social occasions. I can't look people in the face in the street in case they laugh at me. This weekend I took my daughter to the park and I felt anxious about the 5 year olds hanging around ffs. I took her to a new local soft play area and when i walked in it was too busy with older lively kids - they recommended i came back another day. i was secretly relieved that i wouldnt have to deal with any awkward social stuff. i am terrified of making a massive gaff when it comes to 'how my child interacts with other people' type stuff. I'm starting to feel like an alien on this planet. I wonder if I might need help - my DH thinks I do.
Can anyone please help or tell me what you would do if you were me?
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I feel so isolated and lonely when DH isn't here
17 replies
MrBloomsGirl · 07/10/2012 21:47
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