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Am I too hard?

(87 Posts)
springyhope Wed 03-Oct-12 23:36:17

A lodger arrived today and, how to say this - she was difficult from the off. I need the money, she needed the room and I thought ah well, see how it goes (didn't expect it to last long). We bashed out payment terms and, as the intro had been short notice (both of us recommended to the other by a friend last night), she said she would go to the bank to get the money. Then she decided she would transfer it on the internet ("I don't want to go out now") - by now her stuff was in the room [<< yy I'm an idiot]. There was a problem with transferring it on t'internet (...) and she put her boots on to go to the cashpoint, while I left to go out for the night. She said she would put the money on the table for when I got back - "A nice treat for you" (treat? er no, payment , love)

Got back, no money on the table. She's upstairs in her room, showered and cosy. I call up "where's the money?" and she mumbled about, dithering up there. "Can I have the money please? I expected it on the table when I got home". Waited. Waited. Eventually she comes downstairs (I was pretty pissed off by now), purse in hand. Purse stayed closed. Waited. She launches into a speech that she's had second thoughts (purse still closed) and I was quick to say she can't 'have second thoughts' when her feet are under the table and she's freshly showered and had spent the evening at my house (I had also given her a bit of supper); to which she retorted that she hadn't signed a contract....

to which I was short and deadly sharp. She tried various manipulations <yawn> but no joy for her on those. PUrse still closed. She said she was going to leave there and then, I said not without paying me. I thought for a bit, then said £30 for the night (for mucking me about, chiefly). Dear God, that purse creaked open very, very eventually, and she put the £30 on the table, folded up.

She cranked up to manipulate a bit more and I cut her off, saying I hoped she'd sleep well but I expected her to leave in the morning. I'm here logging on to MN and the door goes - she's gone, it's pouring with rain, she doesn't know where she is (new to the city), no buses running now, no taxis here. And I'm still sitting here....

too soft, more like. But she's a woman in a strange place who doesn't know where she is and has gone off in a flounce. yy I get mighty pissed off when people manipulate, heart turns to stone: absolute zero tolerance. But... should I go after her? She doesn't know where she is. She's obviously a vulnerable sort, in her way (iyswim). She's 41 and a royal pain in the arse

I expect she's sobbing up the road...

springyhope Wed 03-Oct-12 23:36:56

oh dear, that was long (working it out as I went along). HOpe someone's up to give me some advice...

Claire2009 Wed 03-Oct-12 23:40:30

Let her go, she took the piss and you pulled her on it

mummytime Wed 03-Oct-12 23:43:52

In future advertise properly for a lodger. Get a proper contract. Don't let someone move in right away.
If you don't click, say No even if recommended by a friend.

It still might turn out badly but at least you've done it properly.

CouthyMowWearingOrange Wed 03-Oct-12 23:43:58

She wouldn't have left without a backup plan. People like that never do.

springyhope Wed 03-Oct-12 23:46:48

I should add that we first met at my house at midday for an hour - I showed her the house, explained everything, including the money; then I said we'd both think about it and meet again at 5. so she had plenty of space to think about it.

scarletforya Wed 03-Oct-12 23:47:19

Quite frankly feck the silly tight cow. I can't stand her type (ie parasites) and is have done exactly the same thing but I probably an on the blunt side of polite when it comes to misers and users hmm

MarjorieAntrobus Wed 03-Oct-12 23:48:02

You didn't chuck her out in the middle of the night; you expected her to leave in the morning. She's a grown-up, she'll have a plan.

springyhope Wed 03-Oct-12 23:50:54

The contract was on the table, ready to be signed once the money was on the table. It was her dithering to get the money and I was going out - I told her at 5 I'd be going out at 7. The woman who recommended her rents out rooms (she currently has 11 lodgers and has been a landlady for years) but is now full. Even if you advertise, you still get turkeys.

NewNames Wed 03-Oct-12 23:51:22

No, don't feel bad. No harm will come to her and it's better she's gone now than pisses you about for weeks.

izzyizin Wed 03-Oct-12 23:51:31

Has she taken all of her belongings with her?

scarletforya Wed 03-Oct-12 23:54:28

She's doing it for attention. Ignore.

suburbophobe Wed 03-Oct-12 23:57:12

Well, she's 41 not a fresh 18 year-old just left home.

She can look after herself.

springyhope Thu 04-Oct-12 00:01:45

Just been up to check - she's left a few things, accidentally by the look of it. I know she'll be upset - yes, she's manipulative but I do think she's also vulnerable.

springyhope Thu 04-Oct-12 00:02:44

oh feck sad

geegee888 Thu 04-Oct-12 00:22:26

Ah yes. Lodgers. I've been advertising on gumtree for one for my townhouse (where I stay when working). This time round, I've been plagued by men in their forties who have been thrown out by their wives/girlfriends and need somewhere urgently. Call me paranoid, but I'm convinced they're on the lookout for some single woman with a house that they can move in with instead. No way! I steer clear of those ones.

I also steer clear of anyone who is a bit ummy and ahhy on looking round. Theres been a couple of women in their forties like that, and they just sound like pains in the neck. When somone describes something as an "issue", I take it as a red flag.

I insist on cash for deposit and first month's rent, or no contract. You do have to be strict, no-one else is going to do it for you. Some of them will take the piss if they can at all do so, its like they think someone should pay for them and provide them with subsidised accommodation!

I've found a nice lodger now though!

izzyizin Thu 04-Oct-12 00:23:48

She could have taken herself off tomorrow and it was her choice to leave tonight.

Have you checked your porch/gararge and taken a look to see if there's a sobbing sodden figure sitting on a wall along the road?

PigletJohn Thu 04-Oct-12 00:46:20

shampoo and toothbrush sort of thing?

haven't you got a plastic bag?

leave it by the front door.

Inside if you want to be kind.

CaliforniaLeaving Thu 04-Oct-12 00:49:03

Did she take anything she shouldn't have? She could have stayed the night she knew that, so it was her choice to go, not your problem unless she left with the family silver.

springyhope Thu 04-Oct-12 01:08:37

oh izzy! she's probably disintegrated into the pavement like the wicked witch of the west [shouldn't laugh]

She left with aplomb. Everything is present and correct (so far as I can see). I wish I was one of those decisive, level-headed people, instead of a hothead who swallowed her hooks and got irate. I wasn't vile but I was tough. I'd like to be able to channel cool and collected - still the same end result but not as hot iyswim.

3 lodgers so far, over the years: one a hot french athlete who said english food was crap (quote), put raw meat on my wooden chopping board, and expected sex I was tempted ; an aforementioned married bloke chucked out by his wife, who expected to slip into my warm house and take up where he left off with his wife and was also an alcoholic and on probation, it turned out and now Madam. I've hosted hundreds of foreign students and you get a different type of shit with them, but some gorgeous ones too. I'm used to living with difficult people - albeit ruling with an iron rod. You have to with foreign students.

I know I will berate myself that I didn't think quicker. I just see red/shut down when people start pulling shit like she did tonight.

springyhope Thu 04-Oct-12 01:18:19

The first two lodgers I got through advertising; this one I got through someone who advertises but was too full and passed her on to me.

springyhope Thu 04-Oct-12 01:18:38

this should be in chat, sorry.

lisaro Thu 04-Oct-12 01:36:45

The messing about would most likely have carried on and got worse. I think you've had a lucky escape.

izzyizin Thu 04-Oct-12 01:42:10

By taking pity on a friend of a friend default, I acquired a part-time lodger that I wasn't looking for and he's been an absolute gem. He's a chef who works all the hours god sends for six months a year in the UK in order to fund his home in Europe.

I barely see him and, being that he spends his days and sometimes nights slaving over a stove, he never wants to use my kitchen. Other than a change of sheets, there's no chance of anything in the bedroom department as he's not that way inclined, iyswim.

I'm in the fortunate position of not having to share my home through economic necessity but if I were, given that I've got a low boredom threshold, I'd be looking/advertising on gumtree for those who want short term accomodation at a reasonable rent with preference given to chefs/caterers.

izzyizin Thu 04-Oct-12 01:56:24

Now I know why I stay away from Chat... this is the closest I've come to revealing information that could out me grin

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