I've namechanged for this post due to the sensitive nature of it.
Basically, the problem is that I can't bring myself to have sex with my DP. Or any form of sexual activity where he can see my body. I just feel completely non-sexy / ugly since having our 2 DC, who are now in school. It didn't completely shut off as soon as the first was born, it was more gradual - after the first child I was more self conscious for sure, after the second I felt ugly but could still manage without huge problems but then another blow to my self esteem came when 2 years ago I was diagnosed with PCOS. I don't think it's a lack of libido itself, because I still get desire and still masturbate, still have desire for DP, it's just I completely clam up when he touches me or looks at me at all . I automatically put my hands up in a defensive way and it really is a mood killer! I just feel repulsive physically tbh.
Our relationship is not all roses however he does do his fair share of childcare, housework etc and we both work. I feel terrible for him as he is always saying how much he fancies me and finds me attractive, does not put pressure on although he does get frustrated and can't understand why I feel the way I do about myself in this way. He's attentive in the bedroom, or at least tries to be, I build up to it saying to myself this time it will be OK but then it always ends up perfunctory with me covering up and not letting him even touch me except from arms etc . He always looks so sad afterwards and he has said he wishes I desired him, but I DO. I feel it is ruining our relationship, poor DP hardly initiates sex now and when he does I can tell he is walking on eggshells. He's not a talker so it barely gets mentioned out with the actual event.
I've tried various things - getting away from the children, pampering, nice undies etc, I have been for long term counselling about other issues mainly but spent a long time focusing on my awful body confidence. However I don't want to dwell on it really I just want a 'quick fix'.
I just feel physically repulsive (not personality, my looks). I have dreadful loose skin and stretchmarks my midriff resembles a turkey's neck, small sagging breasts and even although I'm normal healthy weight due to the PCOS I have a pot belly. Also due to the PCOS I have fine hair and acne on my face and slight hair growth on my chin although I am on quite aggressive treatment which helps this. Not very womanly .
Beginning to think I actually have Body Dysmorhic Disorder (don't know much about it) because I am very harsh on myself to the point where I focus on parts of me and intensely HATE them.
Any help out there before I completely ruin my relationship?
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desperately needing advice regarding sex problem
17 replies
recentnamechange · 02/10/2012 21:29
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