some of you may remember me from July - you were amazing - the support you gave me that night was awesome and you got me through a very difficult time when I discovered my Dh was having an affiar - I am eternally grateful to you and also to me RL friend who rumbled me from my posting and was and still is an amazing friend through the past few moths.
Well dh and I are still together - just. I confronted him - he denied it to the hilt until I was quoting the string of emails he sent her whilst we were on holiday ...... upshot is he ended it - she kept emialing him and texting him saying she would be happy to continue in secret.
if i have my level head on - he is no longer hiding his phone at every occassion. I check his email daily and nothing - also his facebook has nothing on it. but I can link into her facebook as she messaged me several times in one day saying give him up etc etc and then that he had devastated her (after she had posted evidence of their affair on his facebook). Silly cow.
apparently we are 'working on things' although he seems to be happy papering over the cracks.
On one hand I hate who I have become - constanting checking on him and feeling very needy most of the time. Other times I am of the mindset that if he wants to continue it with her then I cant stop him - eventually I will find out and no second chances.
I am more aware of my personal finances - building up my bolt fund, as it were. It is still early days - we are talking of holidays next year and making plans which is 'nice' but I am wondering when my distrust in him will ever cease. Do I really want it to go?
I think ive given him the easy option - as far as he is aware no one knows so he feels he can carry on as normal without the guilt trip when he sees my family. In reality they all know - I love and trust my family immensely and whilst they really dont like him they are putting on a good show - for me. We are of the ilk of when it comes down to it we pull forces and are there for each other - something dh will never understand - so I am eternally grateful for having them in my life.
Oh and before anyone posts - this has been the hardest decision in my life to say I can forgive the sex. The deceit is something else entirely ...................
if youve read this far then thankyou.
if you are my RL friend who rumbled me on here then you know what a tower of strength you have been to me - thank you millions.
thats all really ........................ for now.
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im still standing - only just
7 replies
Dontknowwhatithink · 30/09/2012 22:59
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