so, how DO you improve your self-esteem?

[CandiStaton]

i thought i could just do it

i realise now, its worse than i thought it was

how do you do it?

[AnastasiaSteele]

Well, I hope I'm getting better. A narcissistic parent who left, school bullies, being an ugly duckling as a teen and an abusive boyfriend have screwed mine up.

I'm getting better...counselling, surrounding myself with nice people, distancing from unsavoury types and indulging my interests has helped. I try to listen to, acknowledge and accept compliments. It sounds like I'm up myself - I'm really not - but I've found it helpful.

Do you know where your ishoos stem from?

[ekidna]

counselling, self help books, positive mantras positive mantras, exercise,
giving, not giving too much, boundaries, goals, pushing comfort zone most days, volunteering, handful of friends, not too much caffeine, and then missing a few seasons, not beating self up and repeating the formula in a slightly different way

[LastMangoInParis]

Be honest with yourself without being a bully or intolerant of yourself.
So if you're uncomfortable, lack confidence in a particular situation or WRT specific things, allow yourself to acknwledge that and take the time to let yourself start to understand what it is that gets to you and what the details and reasons are. And allow yourself to be OK with that so that if you need some help to deal with it then you can look at getting help, or you can become comfortable with your fears, anxieties, likes, dislikes, but take everything at your own pace.
And also, if you're doing OK in that you're living your life without hurting other people then allow yourself some credit for that because that means you're already doing a lot better than a whole lot of other people are.

[dateandwait]

I've rebuilt mine. Really good friends help, but I find just being really kind to yourself helps. Focussing on the little things that you have done or do well..........every time you do something well PRAISE yourself. Recognise yourself as a best friend. Changing the voice in your head to positive, positive, positive. Accept you are human and are allowed to make mistakes, but learn from mistakes rather than beat yourself over them.
I've been through a very rough divorce, now a very happy single mum, dating a lovely guy (but he's not something I NEED....he's a lovely,lovely bonus in my life). My self esteem took such a battering, I never thought I could be happy on my own. I STILL make my self esteem a prized possession, I won't let anyone near me knock it down. Once I started respecting myself as a great friend, I found others did too, coz I dumped the ones who knocked me down!!
Counselling helps too.
Im Not being big headed or arrogant, i can laugh at myself, I think everyone is equally as special as me, and treat them as such, just keep good friends close.
Good luck...... :)

[CandiStaton]

thanks for your replies

anastasia i think my ishoos stem from my mother...its only a recent revelation; she is not abusive in anyway, but have been raised to pretty much ignore my own emotions/needs and put others first,,,,'just get on with it'

ive been raped by someone i trusted, which hasn't helped...and just left a long unhappy abusive marriage

i do have nice friends

ekidna ive been thinking about my caffeine intake and need to up my exercise. i think loosing a stone would help too...its hard to motivate to that though

missing a few seasons?

mango yy ...i am getting better at acknowledging when i dont like something, and that being ok..and saying 'no' is ok too

i like your last sentence. i get really worked up about little things i have said to people...wondering if it would cause offence/did i sound stupid/ was it appropriate etc etc...its a bit of a vicious circle because i get conscious of not saying something dumb and then get nervous...and so say something stupid! but yes, i am not hurting anyone. and i have good intentions