I haven't posted for a long time. I have teenage and grown up children, and am in a relationship of 4 years following divorce 10 years ago. My partner is kind in many ways but I am very very unhappy. I have tried to carry on day to day for many reasons. My ex husband and I are on good terms although financially he has always been unreliable. I have tried to suppress my feelings of sadness for some time - around 2 years, but am now in a position where this is increasingly difficult. Today was typical. I wake up, cry, try not to cry, go out to do some domestic chore, cry ,come home, manage to keep busy and succeed until early evening, when I cry again. I have never been one for tears, certainly not with other people around and I am finding it exhausting. I may be depressed but I actually do not think that I am. I am fearful of the future, and I don't like how we are living. This is not economic, as i work full time and earn a good salary. But there is no joy in my life. My question is this - do I struggle on until my youngest has left home, or do I leave? Logically I think the second but I simply don't have the energy to even think about it, let alone do it. I am aware that this post comes across as very self-pitying, but that is exactly the problem! I am a strong person but stuck in a very negative place and I do not like the person I see in the mirror any more. I would welcome all thoughts please as I do not wish to fail my children or my partner and I feel that at the moment I am failing al of them. Thank you for your thoughts. X
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