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Found out that my fiance is 280k in debt - what happens should I still marry him?

(344 Posts)
BornToShopForcedToWork Fri 28-Sep-12 22:09:52

Last night my fiance confessed that he is 280k in debt. I am devastated and consider not to marry him anymore. Although we always kept our finances separate and I don't mind marrying him with the debt I am a bit worried that I will be liable for the debt as well. I am not English and therefore not sure how it's handled in the UK. I have assets that I would like to protect.

How shall I handle this situation?

jesuswhatnext Fri 28-Sep-12 22:33:57

run run run! - he has debt, a very doubtful story (a nice watch here and there and a flat in mayfair, would take a matter of weeks to run up that sort of debt, its all 'flash and no cash') and you have money - he has his eye to the main chance, get shot lovey!

MorrisZapp Fri 28-Sep-12 22:34:29

He said it was a business debt but you think he's lying, in essence.

Please don't marry somebody who lies to you.

sookiesookie Fri 28-Sep-12 22:34:32

twllbach if she marries him that's probably what would happen.

OP seriously, why would you want to marry him if you still suspect he is lying. He could at least respect you enough to tell you the truth.

MrsjREwing Fri 28-Sep-12 22:35:49

Sorry, it sounds like he is after your money, there will be more than him being a spendthrift going on, probably a persinality disorder, don't marry him, dine out on the lucky escape.

MadBusLady Fri 28-Sep-12 22:36:30

DameKewcumber Nothing to stop him personally guaranteeing a loan even for a limited company.

True. One whopping big personally guaranteed loan is possible. In which case the OP needs more from this guy than the vague "business deal went wrong" bullshit hmm.

Of course, personal loans to a business often occur when the bank has decided it's too much of a risk to loan.

sookiesookie Fri 28-Sep-12 22:36:52

He thinks I only love him because of "his" money.

I smell a red herring. I think he is with you because you have the ability to sort this for him.
He is saying that he thinks you are only with him for the money to throw the off.

Minimammoth Fri 28-Sep-12 22:37:27

I don't normally do advice giving, but surely if you are planning a future together you have to do some honest financial planning for now and for your future. I would want to know what his plans are to clear this debt. Be clear that your assets are not part of that plan. Postpone wedding plans until there is commitment from him to deal with this. Trust is a big part of any relationship, this will be a real test for both him and you.

DameKewcumber Fri 28-Sep-12 22:37:54

"Of course, personal loans to a business often occur when the bank has decided it's too much of a risk to loan." - yes I did think that but was too lazy to write it! grin

MrsjREwing Fri 28-Sep-12 22:38:17

Who wanted to rush getting married, him?

lottiegarbanzo Fri 28-Sep-12 22:39:54

I think you will be jointly liable, yes.

There will be detail about whether it's personal or business debt but basically what's his is yours and vice versa, if you marry. You will be able to protect your assets but you'd need to see a good solicitor about this and be absolutely sure. Don't believe any vague assurances that it will be ok.

Brycie Fri 28-Sep-12 22:40:12

I think you need to imagine what will happen if it all goes wrong. If you have a child he could fight for custody solely in order to get access to your assets for example. Nobody marries a person they know is horrible, everybody thinks their partner is "great" when the marry them, obviously. But they can turn out to be very horrible indeed when push comes to shove!

madonnawhore Fri 28-Sep-12 22:40:14

Did he propose to you before or after you inherited the properties?

Minstrelsaremarvellous Fri 28-Sep-12 22:40:17

It's very easy to hide debt. After filing divorce papers on my ExH he went nuts as he didn't want to involve solicitors. Turned out he was almost £70K in debt - and he ran this up in just over 2yrs of marriage (might have been to do with his OW and her being pregnant with him!).
We ended up in court over maintenance and and it was horrendous as even more lies came out. I suspect you've not heard half the story and think there will be more to come. I feel you might be disappointed so maybe just hold off the wedding for a bit. (Money is another OW - it can invoke horribly deceitful behaviour)

HowToChangeThis Fri 28-Sep-12 22:40:30

You wouldn't become legally liable for any debts run up pre marriage but could become liable for any further debt depending if he takes it jointly. Having said that a charging order could be placed on any jointly held assets (which may then have to be sold to repay the debt). It's a grey area as to what is jointly owned after marriage but it would seem anything but personal possessions, property and cars (that latter have legal registered owners) would be at risk.

BornToShopForcedToWork Fri 28-Sep-12 22:40:30

MadBusLady I inherited last autumn, before that I only had savings from my parents for uni, he knew about it but not how much. I don't talk about my finances. When we go out, we split the bill. Same with holidays etc. We got together before I inherited so I don't assume he is after my money.

If I were you, I would stay with him, but not marry him until he has managed to clear his debts. That way, you will never be liable for them, and he will not need to "borrow" from you. Helping him to get his debts cleared will be a way of showing you care, but also that you don't approve of big debts.

DameKewcumber Fri 28-Sep-12 22:41:15

and to be fair I don't think it very likely that £280k is a result of loans into a limited company.

I have a friend and an ex like this (is you DP in property by any chance?). Friend is now bankrupt with family home (owned by company) repossessed, sadly ex is still solvent.

Property industry in the small scale seesm to rely on shysters loaning money directly to suckers to put into their business so if business goes bust, money is still owed to said shyster.

Fosgoldlady Fri 28-Sep-12 22:42:05

Do NOT marry him - tell him he needs to clear it all before the marriage and see how keen he is then......if his businesses are so sucessfull it should be done within a workable time frame.......

Mum2Fergus Fri 28-Sep-12 22:42:12

So will you be paying for your wedding?! Run, run like the wind!!

sookiesookie Fri 28-Sep-12 22:42:33

When did he propose?

tiredofwaitingforitalltochange Fri 28-Sep-12 22:43:02

apart from the financial issues he is a great guy

You won't be thinking this when you are married to him and you can't get school shoes for your kids, or put petrol in your car.

BornToShopForcedToWork Fri 28-Sep-12 22:43:32

madonnawhore After.

MadBusLady Fri 28-Sep-12 22:43:39

Fair enough, BornToShop. I'd still see a solicitor about protecting your property IF the marriage were to go ahead though. And at the same time decide how you're going to get more details out of him and what would have to happen for you to be satisfied.

What a shock. sad

madonnawhore Fri 28-Sep-12 22:44:01

Don't marry him.

SomeoneThatYouUsedToKnow Fri 28-Sep-12 22:44:05

I would not marry someone who lies and who tried to impress people with expensive watches, flats, suits and lavish spending even if they could afford it. It is too shallow and tacky.

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