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Found out that my fiance is 280k in debt - what happens should I still marry him?

(344 Posts)
BornToShopForcedToWork Fri 28-Sep-12 22:09:52

Last night my fiance confessed that he is 280k in debt. I am devastated and consider not to marry him anymore. Although we always kept our finances separate and I don't mind marrying him with the debt I am a bit worried that I will be liable for the debt as well. I am not English and therefore not sure how it's handled in the UK. I have assets that I would like to protect.

How shall I handle this situation?

sleepyhead Fri 28-Sep-12 22:11:07

How??? Why??? And what's he planning to do about it?

Would be the questions I'd want answered, and until I got the answers the wedding would definitely be off.

DorsetKnob Fri 28-Sep-12 22:11:19

Run like the wind.

Error404 Fri 28-Sep-12 22:12:49

Put things on hold, investigate thoroughly and be careful.

And only just found out? How long have you been in a relationship with this guy that he's been keeping it a secret from you?

And, just out of interest, how does one get £280K in debt?

usualsuspect3 Fri 28-Sep-12 22:13:00

Err, no you shouldn't marry him.

DameKewcumber Fri 28-Sep-12 22:13:03

what kind of a debt? If its a mortgage secured on a house of at least that value and he can afford the repayments then I don't see the problem. If he has unsecured debt at high interest rates with baillifs on his door step then as DorsetKnob says "Run like the wind"

MorrisZapp Fri 28-Sep-12 22:13:04

I don't understand how he got as far as being your fiance without this coming out?

That's so, so much money. How did it happen? Ice the wedding plans for now.

shrimponastick Fri 28-Sep-12 22:13:16

That's a lot of money.

If it were me I would not marry someone with so much debt - it's not just a couple of credit card debts is it.

You need to find out why?

MrsWolowitz Fri 28-Sep-12 22:13:54

Did he lie to you or deliberately hide it from you? If so, that's a big deal and possibly a deal breaker.

I married a man with money troubles (not as much as your fiancées though admittedly) and my Dad wisely said "when poverty comes in the door, love flies out the window" and I think that's pretty true. Of course you still love each other through financial difficulty but it does put an enormous pressure on a relationship. If your relationship is already damaged through deception about the debt then it may be really tough to stay together.

It's up to you and I'm rubbish at advice so ill just hand hold til someone wise comes along.

Levantine Fri 28-Sep-12 22:14:29

No way would I marry him. Have you any idea where the debt comes from?

MrsWolowitz Fri 28-Sep-12 22:14:44

Oh, loads of x- posts!

scarlettsmummy2 Fri 28-Sep-12 22:15:13

Can he declare himself bankrupt before you marry him?

Autumnalis Fri 28-Sep-12 22:16:25

That's quite some sum. He's either stupid or dishonest.

EdgarAllanPond Fri 28-Sep-12 22:16:26

no. Don't marry him.

why didn't he tell you sooner?

MrsjREwing Fri 28-Sep-12 22:16:38

If it is mortgage on a house worth more than the debt, then that should be affordable for him.

mmira Fri 28-Sep-12 22:16:56

I would run as fast as I can. I am so sorry but this is how I really feel.

More infom needed - WHERE did the debt come from, is he ever likely to be able to pay it off, how long have you known him without him telling you about this.........

sookiesookie Fri 28-Sep-12 22:17:21

Do not marry him. Do not tie yourself to this person.

How has he got so much debt?

Has he hid it from you or just not told you? Do you live together? how long have you been together?

NellyJob Fri 28-Sep-12 22:17:22

definitely do not marry him unless he has declared himself bankrupt beforehand as scarlettsmummy said, and even then take legal advice.

BornToShopForcedToWork Fri 28-Sep-12 22:17:42

He said a business deal went wrong. However I know about his lavish spending, an expensive watch here, renting a flat in Mayfair, buying only bespoke suits an so on and therefore don't believe his story. He is ashamed and didn't want me to know. He is trying to live the same lifestyle he had while he still lived with his parents. He went to a private school where children from very wealthy parents went to and although his family is well off he always felt insecure. I don't care about whether he has money or not. I am just worried that I will be liable for the debt as well once we are married. I don't earn much at the moment (I'm a nanny and still studying) but I own and co-own properties and money from an inheritance.

tiredofwaitingforitalltochange Fri 28-Sep-12 22:18:01

In answer to your question: fuck no!

Error404 Fri 28-Sep-12 22:18:27

And, so he's seriously in debt (I have to say I don't consider a mortgate counts as debt so presume this isn;t what you're talking about), what's your finiacial position? What might you be bringing to the financial table?

Offred Fri 28-Sep-12 22:18:36

Don't tie yourself financially to someone so bad with money.

Kinora Fri 28-Sep-12 22:18:36

My god, how can someone you intend on marrying have kept this from you?

Cancel the wedding.

I hope you haven't got any joint assets or bank accounts.

MrsjREwing Fri 28-Sep-12 22:19:06

Run.

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