How long before having sex after giving birth?

[Alwaysinlove]

I realise that there are far more serious problems on here, but I would really like to know if what I'm feeling is normal. Our baby was born twelve weeks ago by emergency c-section and I still feel quite traumatised by the experience. At my six week check my doctor gave me contraception and said we could have sex whenever we were ready.

The very thought of sex terrifies me at the moment. My husband is very supportive and knows I'm not ready. My wound hasn't healed yet and I'm struggling to come to terms with the changes in my body, but I feel like it's more than that. Has anyone else experienced this? Please tell me it won't last forever!

[OpheliasWeepingWillow]

Er, me too but about four months more than you!

No advice but sympathy

[Kingcyrolophosarus]

When you're ready-is the answer

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Blimey yes I've experienced that! After they removed DS with various instruments I was so bruised and battered I was terrified to take a dump thinking my insides would end up on the bathroom floor, never mind go for a roll in the hay!!! The answer is 'when you're ready' but, in the meantime, keep reassuring your supportive DH that you love him and vice versa. With affection and patience things will eventually get back to normal. Also, if you are traumised by your birth experience you can also tell your HV how you're feeling. Many women who have gone through the mangle benefit from a birth de-brief....

[BumgrapesofWrath]

I didn't feel ready for sex til a good 6 months after the birth - and mine was vaginal with no stitches. I think it's perfectly normal to not really have sex for a while after birth.

[BumgrapesofWrath]

Plus I think hormones have a big part to play in whether you fancy sex or not. I think it's because you're hormones are in nurturing, not reproductive mode.

[kittyandthegoldenfontanelles]

7 months for us. As Said above, when you are ready is the only rule. Don't let it worry you.

[NoToastWithoutKnickers]

I had stiches and hideous piles. I wasn't ready in anyway, either physically, hormonally or emotionally but my ex insisted that the sooner the better so we did it at 4 weeks.

Now I'm almost crying just thinking about it

You're very lucky you have a supportive DH.

(For what it's worth DD is now 2.5, I have a lovely bf and can't get enough so no, it doesn't last forever )

[Alwaysinlove]

Thank you! I feel so much better after reading your posts. Thank you for the support and advice!

[BertieBotts]

When you're ready is fine even if it's months - physical trauma can take up to a year to heal and emotional trauma, well, how long is a piece of string??

Glad to hear your DH is being supportive and respectful :)

[KeithLeMonde]

When you're ready is the answer. If you're BFing that can also switch off your libido majorly.

I would, gently, encourage you not to leave it too long though. Not having sex can quickly become a habit, and the idea of doing it can become more scary and unpleasant than the reality. Keep talking to your DH, keep touching, maybe talk about just giving it a try and seeing how it feels.

[MushroomSoup]

I had fairly easy births each time, gas and air, few or no stitches. Hormones raging and having sex within a fortnight. But it has to be at YOUR PACE, whatever that is.

[HappyAsASandboy]

Whenever you're ready. I'm my case about 18 months after an ELCS. I don't know whether it was a coincidence, but I had absolutely no inclination to do it for 18 months, then suddenly became obsessed (poor DH was a bit confused), then my periods returned a few weeks later. I can only assume that it was the first ovulation since the birth that caused the switch to .. errr .. switch!

So, whenever you're ready. But do tell your partner you love him and spend time close together even if not progressing to sex. Nothing will drive a wedge between you like one partner feeling rejected (says the voice of experience )

[KitCat26]

When you are ready is the answer.

I was quite keen to feel back to my old self.
With DD1 (forceps, 3rd degree, stitches in theatre etc) it was before the 6 week check. DH was shocked at the suggestion after witnessing all that so wasn't as keen as me. I think I needed the reassurance that everything still, err, existed and functioned correctly though. And I needed to feel like he still fancied me.
DD2 (elcs) it was 7 weeks, I was so randy for about 3 months then the hormones settled down a bit, much to DH's relief.

The first time after each DD was a bit like being a virgin again, I was sore and it wasn't much fun, so we took it slowly. It did get much better and then back to normal with practice.

[rollmeover]

We did it about 3 months after but for me it was just about getting back on the horse (no pressure from OH but I felt it was important for me to get back in the swing of things as it were.). Though to be honest, sex was the very last thing on my mind for over a year and only felt sexy again once I stopped breastfeeding (prob only did it half a dozen times in the first year). Its natures contraception really isnt it?
Take your time, we went back to basics, a few nights of baths and cuddles when sex was definately not on the agenda just to get the closeness back.
It definately would be worth speaking to your HV, but just know that there is no normal, just whats right for you.

[needsomeperspective]

4 weeks pp both times (both c sections).

You may not feel like your wound has healed but if your dr has checked you out and given you the all clear then it will be healed up.

But at the end of the days it's when you feel like it.

If I were you though I wouldn't wait too long or it will become a complex and you'll build it up into a mountain when it needn't be.