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Smoking, SID and Grandma

(31 Posts)
BoyMeetsWorld Tue 18-Sep-12 20:25:14

So we are TTC DC2.

The only way we are feasibly considering this is because my mother has very kindly agreed to provide full time childcare whilst LO is 6mnths-1 and then wrap around care for nursery / school for both DC's.

Fine & good but Grandma (my mum) is an extremely heavy smoker - around 40 per day. The once white walls in her house are yellow with it & we all feel quite ill with the stink of smoke clinging to us every time we go there.

She would be doing childcare strictly at our house, where she only smokes out in the garden (there'd be hell to pay if she ever smoked in our lovely clean home). But asking her to cut down / raising the issue with her is a dead loss. She lies & says she only has 10 a day. She claims she doesn't smoke inside her house or in her car even though both are untrue.

I'm really worried that though I don't smoke, being around her will increase DC2s chances of SID. & of the ongoing health implications for both children :s neither DH or myself smoke & it is banned inside our house.

What do you think / should I do?

AvonCallingBarksdale Fri 05-Oct-12 19:59:07

THis is so simple, OP. Either you suck it up and accept the offer of free childcare from your DM or you decide that the smoking is too much of an issue and you pay for childcare/stop working, which, tbf, is a road that most of us have to take if we are not lucky enough to have someone offering free childcare to us! You can't moan about the smoking if you've not even conceived yet!! It's not as though she's offered, you've had the baby and then she's taken up a 40 a day fag habit, is it!

atacareercrossroads Fri 05-Oct-12 20:05:36

Well OP your choice is pretty simple then - dont have another DC until you can afford childcare, or deal with the fact that your mum may have sneaky puffs while minding DCs.

FWIW My mum smokes and I rely on her for childcare. She smokes outside, washes her hands afterwards and as long as she isnt going halves on with the kids then it doesnt register on my concern-o-meter. They are exposed to more fumes on the walk home from nursery to her house.

Shallishanti Fri 05-Oct-12 20:09:41

maybe you could start by being concerned about your mother's health- she's the one who right now is at risk of heart disease, cancer, stroke etc etc

notanaxemurderer Fri 05-Oct-12 20:21:50

I would absolutely not use her for childcare. The thought of my tiny 6 month old dd in the house you've described - with yellow walls etc - is just awful. As for the argument that loads of people grew up with smokers etc, yes they did and they still do, but people are generally way more informed now about the risks of secondhand smoke on babies, which is one of the reasons why SIDS levels have dropped.

NotAnAxe The OPs kids wont be in the GM's house.

Fizzylemonade Fri 05-Oct-12 20:36:57

My own Mum smoked all her life from the age of about 12, smoked through all of her pregnancies, never gave up.

She provided childcare for my sister, and smoked outside but still had 20-30 cigarettes a day.

She was perfectly well, had a bit of a dicky hip which was put down to rheumatoid arthritis, very fit and active despite the smoking. Eventually cut it right down when she was 61.

She went for a routine mammogram, they found breast cancer, scanned her body and it was absolutely everywhere, as you can guess the primary was lung cancer.

From the date she was diagnosed to the day she died was a mere 10 weeks. She was 62.

So before you rely on a relative for childcare, you may wish to consider the fact that they may not be around forever either physically or mentally. My husband's uncle has just been diagnosed with alzheimers at the grand old age of 53, he has 2 children under 12 years old sad

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