Big day but DH couldn't be arsed.

[2712]

DC3 started school on Wednesday but only started full day today.
I was nervous as DC2 did this last year and was distraught for about 2 weeks when she realised that school was all day not half day IYSWIM.
Anyway, DH buggered off this morning on his holiday with his mates. He knew I was anxious about DC3 but I honestly can't believe he is so bloody selfish to not even phone home this evening to ask about the DCs.
Fair enough, he might not have the time of day for me.....but his DCs?
Am really pissed off and it has just reinforced my belief that a separation is the only solution.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Does he go away on holiday with friends a lot? There have to be other reasons for separation than this one incident.

[MagicHouse]

Does sound very thoughtless/ selfish really. Though maybe to him the big day was Wednesday?
If you're saying things like he does not have the time of day for you, then yes, it sounds like your relationship is in trouble. Do you have people in real life you can talk this through with, so that you're really clear in your own mind what you want, or whether you think there is any way your realtionship could work? Separation/ divorce is really tough. If you're sure about how you feel you'll need support through it if that's what you decide you want.

[2712]

He goes away every year with his mates. I could quite happily live with this if he actually took his family on holiday also, but he doesn't.
Lots and lots and lots of reasons why I think it's time to call it a day. I can put up with him treating me like the fucking housekeeper, but it makes me see red when he can't put any effort whatsoever into being a hands on dad.
I just thought he might, just might, make some time in his so busy social schedule to actually just phone his DCs this evening just to say Hello.
Obviously not....too busy having fun!
TBH I don't really see how separation could be any tougher than staying any longer.
And no, I don't have any RL support, but I will just have to get on with it as others have in order to move forward.

[MagicHouse]

If you feel like that then yes, seriously think about it. Separation and getting yourself settled is tough, but life post-separation is incredible! And having your sense of self worth and confidence back, as well as giving out the message to your children that you don't have to put up with certain behaviour is.... can't even think of the words to describe it.

I look back and feel very proud that I got through such a tough time and have created a safe and happy home for my children. I laugh more (don't think I ever laughed before actually!) I have opinions on things, it feels like "waking up".

Good luck, if that's what you decide.

[2712]

Magic, you have just hit the nail on the head, thankyou.

[calypso2008]

Inspiring post MagicHouse

[calypso2008]

Good Luck 2712

[Badgerina]

What Magic said. It's a fucking hard process, but ABSOLUTELY worth it. I promise.

I definitely can identify with feeling like "waking up".

Sounds like you might be experiencing the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back.

[2712]

I think the thing that really did it for me was finding a property to rent that ticked all the boxes this morning. Have been discreetly perusing rental properties over the past few months, but no luck, until this morning.
I have arranged to go and have a look at it, and this all happened before before the non phone call from DH, so it must be fate, surely.
Yes, the straw that broke the camel's back....appropriate!

[MagicHouse]

I'm quite a cynic really, but lots of things like that happened for me when we eventually separated. As if someone above was clearing the way and throwing things I needed in my path. (I'm not saying it's always like that - but lots of odd things happened for me!) It will be difficult, but it sounds a little bit exciting too (the rental property) Go and enquire about it - you don't have to make any big decisions to do that. It will be the first little step!

[MagicHouse]

Thank you calypso! My divorce has been the making of me really, so I get a bit passionate about it!

[MagicHouse]

Sorry - reread, you ARE seeing it 2712 :-) Hope it helps you to realise what you want and how things could be for you. Switching off now - have been on MN too long!