Like scraping that last bit of sh*te off your shoe

[Lovingfreedom]

So I eventually agreed with my ex that he could have the access he wanted (50:50) and on all the days he wanted. Now apart from making several changes to the weekends due to tickets booked by his parents (prior to our agreement apparently), it was actually working out ok.

However, he's now threatening to turn up to things that the kids are doing in the village where I still live during the days that they are with me. He's also made noises about going out for family dinners for birthdays. (but actually what he's written is that he was going to ask me if I wanted to do that but he's assuming, given how I was about the tennis, that it would be a non-starter).

The activities take place in a public park so I probably can't actually stop him, but it's controlling and interfering and generally the last thing I want after a day at work/my first day with the kids back. He's also sending long rambling emails about spending time together for the sake of the children but how I obviously hold a grudge and haven't I moved on yet otherwise I'd want to do that for their sake. I've told him that I don't want to spend time with him and asked can we respect each others designated days with the kids and space. He just whines. He seems to be saying that I have double standards but I never get involved with anything on his 'days' and don't either take an interest or interfere in anything to do with his life. oh, btw, he's accused me in emails of 'going out of my way to make life difficult for him'.

I've tried reasoning. I've tried ignoring. I've tried picking battles. I never use emotive language to him, although his to me is emotional and at times abusive. My latest tactic has been to threaten him with court if he doesn't stick to his days and not show up on mine. I feel it's virtually inevitable anyway...What option do I have? Any other approaches that might work?

[Guiltypleasures001]

Hi Loving

I have'nt got anymore things you could do, but what you are doing is all the right stuff, judging by how and what he is writing in his emails, if you were to put his name at the top of them, he is really writing to himself and telling himself exactly how it is for him, everything he is accusing you of doing, is exactly what he is wishing you would do. He is desperate for you to take an interest to engage in any manner to get your attention. Hence this is why he is suddenly wanting to muscle in on your time etc.

The thing is youve been handling him so well and in such a way he has no other way to try to be with you, continue in your life in some way. What he is saying is please dont ignore me I still love you etc, theres no quick fix, only time will fix this for him, and another relationship which will take his mind off of you.
The fact you are moving on is killing him and he is acting out, ignore ignore ignore is the mantra on here, he will get bored with it all, move on as I'm sure you have already been, smile sweetly but keep it friendly and distant.

I think youve done a stirling job thus far.

[Lovingfreedom]

Aw thanks for that GP001. I really appreciate your message. It's very supportive and I think you're absolutely right.
I've just an update from my ex saying he doesn't want to see me at all now and that will be the case for the foreseeable future. Hoo-bloody-ray!!
Long rambling email again...and apparently it's always all about me. Phew. (for now...)

[Guiltypleasures001]

Ahh yes the last desperate gasp of a self entitled man, he thinks thats a threat to you, like all of a sudden you will collapse at his feet and beg him to still bug the shit out ofinclude him in your life. its the please throw me a bone mantra lol .

Seriously if you can step back, and have a giggle at some of this if you can find the humour in most of the shit life throws at you, then its possible to come out of the other side, feeling well smug always helped me.

[Lovingfreedom]

Yes, I couldn't help laughing out loud when I read his latest email. He seems quite upset that after all his efforts to 'maintain good relations' with me..blah blah blah...erm....only yesterday he use the phrase 'don't come the naive, innocent bimbo crap with me' and prior to that an even more diplomatic 'don't come the fucking mother crap with me'. Hmmm...if only I could spend a bit more time with this charmer!!

[pictish]

Ha ha!

Email back 'finally!' and leave it there.

[Lovingfreedom]

'If I happen to be at the park one Wednesday and you show up then
you can either close your eyes or go home.' lol

[Guiltypleasures001]

Omg he called you a bimbo , feck me ide be preening in the mirror if someone called me that nowadays lol ....

I know its a bit counsellorish but seriously its his unconscious typing these emails, hes leaving himself bare and he knows it and cant help himself, have a little pity and just pat him on the head ..