Hello
I have been a member of MN for some years now, under different Usernames at times.
I am now a single Mum of two DCs. I left my P some two years ago now and it was the hardest thing I've ever done and never want to go through it again. MN was my 'bible' at times and made me see sense and gave some wonderful advice.
So it took me years to leave ex and I've never looked back. I have not regretted it for a second and I know that I did the right thing, for all of us.
However, all that aside, I am lonely and struggling with being single.
I am scared that this is my life now and it's not a very good one. I just feel I'm existing rather than living.
I've had two serious relationships since leaving ex........the first turned out to not be the person I thought he was and the second was far too committed to his cans of Stella and 40 fags a day.
All I want to do is.......nothing! I am sitting here typing this while I have three mountain peaks of washing needing to be done and three mountain peaks of clean washing needing to be put away. There are dishes in the sink, there is something smelling in the fridge, the floors are sticky, the carpets have bits all over them and the beds are un-made yet I have no urge to do any of it.
I'm a rubbish Mum..........I choose frozen and canned food to feed my DCs when I should be giving them fresh, nutritious food.
I desperately need to lose weight. I just cannot get my head around it.
I long, and always have, to get married, have more children and be someone's life partner but it's looking less and less likely now.
My ex, continues to put me down........at contact handovers, I get comments like 'you've really let yourself go since leaving me' and 'turning to the bottle a bit too much aren't we' (I drink Friday/Saturday nights only). I know I should ignore but I can't as he's probably right.
I am losing control of the household finances.......bills coming out of my ears and no money to pay them.
I am clearly not meant to be a single mum but here I am, doing a crappy job at it and it's what I wanted!!
Can't shake these feelings.
Back to work on Monday after summer hols off and as it's getting me out of this bloody house, I'm actually looking forward to it.
Not looking for any answers or advice really as there isn't any I deserve but needed to get it out of my head somehow.
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Relationships
32, no future to look forward to :(
WoodchipWall · 01/09/2012 11:42
Ok.
You sounds v unhappy - would you consider counselling to tease all these feelings apart?
See your GP and talk about how you feel - could you be depressed to be feeling that negative, inspite of all you have achieved?
FWIW, my brother and SIL did not even meet until they were 39, first marriage for both of them, one DD.
You have most of your life ahead of you, but you sound like you are currently unable to see the Good Side of things. Why would you not "deserve" advice? You really sound very down.
Keep talking about it. I am sure there will be wiser posters/better with words than me along shortly.
Lollipop, thank you for sharing.........send some good vibes my way
Sending lots of good vibes.
Would it be possible for your mum to have your dd for a bit today to give you some breathing space? Could you pop to a friend's for a cuppa with her? You don't have to discuss any of your feelings, I was just thinking that sometimes when I get down, adult company just makes me feel a bit better
CBT is availabe on the NHS - see your GP.
Just because something that makes you feel unwell is 'in your head' (I hate that expression!) does not make it any less real!
About one third of an average GPs work load is related to mental health problem, so truly, do NOT worry about going to see your Dr about this.
Re AD: they treat depression, no unhappiness. If there are other problems on your mind, or you are still adjusting to the fact that you find yourself a single parent, or who-knows-what, a talking therapy ie CBT is much more likely to help you in the longrun.
Another 'positive' story: I did not get married until 31, had DS1 aged 37, DS4 a few weeks before my 44th birthday.
You life is not exactly over at 32 
!
Oh that's good.......I'll look into the online stuff and try and get some guts to go and ask my GP 
It's hard to pick up the phone sometimes, but emails can get missed/forgotten quite easily.
Even if there is a waiting period for CBT, you may feel better just having it on the horizon (and also if you're not on the waiting list, you'll never get it ). Your doc should be able to offer more than anti-ds.
I met the love of my life aged 42 so you have plenty of time!
My eldest DD is very clingy too, she was 15 yesterday 
I think it's just the nature of our relationship as we are very close...their dad was always on the outside, we were a family of 3+1 not 4.
Are you a list maker? Sometimes when the stuff that needs doing is overwhelming it helps to choose some tasks to do each day and you regain a feeling of being in control and it being manageable. Are your DC old enough to help at all? I used to do everything for mine until DP pointed out that two teenagers with four working limbs should get off their backsides and help - I had got used to overcompensating for uprooting them.
I hope you feel more positive soon, I am sure you have a bright future ahead of you. Do you work, or is finding a job an option?
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Hi Woodchip, I had CBT via referral from my GP but It was a good two/three months before I was seen as they were so busy. You're only 32, still young .
Deep breath and book an appointment on Monday to see your GP, you can do it!
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