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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

His daughter's plans overriden ours...

57 replies

theendishere · 26/08/2012 23:14

That's it really. I've been seeing someone for just over 2 months and had planned to spend a few days staying at his house. He's now said that one of the days he might not be able to do as his daugher (14) wants him to take her and a friend to a theme park (as they'd planned to go when they ere on hols but it got cancelled). I haven't made a fuss about it to him, but do feel a bit fed up about it. AIBU?

OP posts:

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emsyj · 26/08/2012 23:16

Yes YABU.

beachyhead · 26/08/2012 23:17

I guess you have to take his lead on dd and when he needs to see her

LegoAcupuncture · 26/08/2012 23:18

Yabvu, you've only been seeing him just over 2 months and she is his daughter!

DuelingFanjo · 26/08/2012 23:18

yes, of course you are.

LesserOfTwoWeevils · 26/08/2012 23:18

YABU.
They come as a package. If it bothers you, better split up.

delilahlilah · 26/08/2012 23:20

YABU. She's his daughter. Kids + plans = Change of plans frequently
It's that simple. If he ditched his daughter's plans for you, most people would think him a shit.... He's doing absolutely the right thing.

MissPricklePants · 26/08/2012 23:21

of course YABU. Why on earth do you think your needs have priority over his dd?

pictish · 26/08/2012 23:21

Yes yabu.

Pochemuchka · 26/08/2012 23:21

Personally, I think YABU.
You've only been seeing him for 2 months and his trip with his daughter got cancelled before, plus school holidays are nearly over.
I'm afraid she comes first IMO.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 26/08/2012 23:23

YABU

Sarahplane · 26/08/2012 23:24

Yanbu to be disappointed but yabu to be pissed off. His daughter should always come first and if you are in a relationship with someone who has kids then you need to accept this, if not then end the relationship and move on.

AlfalfaMum · 26/08/2012 23:26

Sorry, I think yabu too.
What kind of man would he be if he prioritised a GF of a few months over his own daughter?
Also, it's only one of the days so you are still spending the rest of that planned time with him.
I really hope you aren't sulking about this, if so I would be reconsidering the relationship if I was him.

theendishere · 26/08/2012 23:27

Thanks everyone :) Just new to all this dating thing and have never seen anyone with kids before!
sarah - l like how you summed it up - diappointed - ok, but pissed of - no

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DontstepontheMomeRaths · 26/08/2012 23:28

Yes YABU. You will always have to share him with any children he has.

Noqontrol · 26/08/2012 23:29

YABU

theendishere · 26/08/2012 23:30

Alfalfa - no, not sulking at all! I havent made any fuss about it to him, just asked hm to let me know when he knew what was going on.
i was only spending 2.5 days with him, just a bit sad that 1 might not happen. You're all right though that he would be a bit of a crap dad to say no to his daughter!

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emsyj · 26/08/2012 23:30

I think actually you should be really delighted that this man cares about his DD and spends time with her and wants to take her and her friend out to a theme park for the day. As the daughter of a total shit who couldn't care less if I dropped dead in the street, I can tell you that there is enormous value in a man who is a good father. Cherish the fact that he loves and prioritises his child, it is a good thing and not something to be jealous and angry over.

Southwest · 26/08/2012 23:30

I take it you don't have children yourself?

EnjoyResponsibly · 26/08/2012 23:32

Well done Op. you've achieved the almost unique distinction of taking your YABU punishment and accepting it.

I applaud you.

Disclaimer: this post is meant to be completely unpatronising!

theendishere · 26/08/2012 23:35

Thanks - just wanted other people's views as so new to all this!!

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AlfalfaMum · 26/08/2012 23:40

Sorry op, you had already said that you hadn't made a fuss :)
Note to self: read properly before I cast aspersions

If I can be more genuinely helpful: you will need to expect this kind of thing every now and then with a man who is also someone's dad.
I have to say I think it makes him sound like a good 'un though!

Earlybird · 26/08/2012 23:46

Dating someone with a child/children is MUCH more complicated than dating someone without.

How long has he been apart from his ex? Has he had a relationship with anyone since the split?

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theendishere · 26/08/2012 23:51

His kids live with him half the week so this sort of this happens alot and bascially means we hardly see eachother at weekends.
His split up with ex 7 years ago. He's a a few short term gf (few weeks - 3 months ) and 1 who he was with for a year ( that was 3 years ago)

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squeakytoy · 26/08/2012 23:52

How old are his kids? If they are teens they will soon be off doing their own thing at weekends without needing any supervision anyway.

theendishere · 26/08/2012 23:52

His kids are 14 and 18

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