Big fat mess

[Bigbouncingbaby]

Five years ago I left my boyfriend of three years for my current DP . It was messy he was deverstated I still loved him but fell for DP and thought we were better suited etc . Took me about a year to get over it DP felt guilty we had a tricky few years he was a commitment phobic we broke up a few times but ended up living togther happy and now have DD 18m.

Really cutting this sort but problems started when we had DD she was a terrible baby cried all the time. DP was horrible didn't help and couldn't cope. Basically worse year of my life. Nearly split a number of times and I hated himand fell out of love with him. I can't stress how bad year was had no support from him at all.

Randomly started e mailing ex again after group e mail. Started e mailing each other now and again he is with another woman. When I started back at work became more often. He was great support to me and he is having big problems with the girlfriend so we helped each other. He picked me up from work one day and that was it the feeling all came back.

He says I have always been lo his life and I feel the same but the fall out is massive. Since DP on his last warning has been great father and trying really hard but I'm struggling. Feels to late hard to get feelings back

Met ex a few times obviously and thankfully hard to meet up but he is all I can think of. No one made me feel like ex but I know I threw it away. We are both up happy but there is no guarantee we would be.

Of course my precious DD has the be my priority feel so torn I know what I should do but that's not so easy he is all I think about.

[homeofhelp]

I really do understand what your going through i have been there myself at the time i didnt have children. but i cant help but feel you need a bit of space from both of these men. i also know what its like when the farther doesnt help out its so lonley and depressing at times i do feel your pain. also you and your ex didnt work before so whay would you work now? time and space may help both of you. i also men can change for a bit then go back to how they were before as they no longer have to try.

[SilverSky]

Suggest you sort out your current relationship be it continuing or finishing it before even contemplating going back to an ex. Grass always seems greener.

[IvanaNap]

Honestly? Try to be single for a bit. Focus on you and DD.

[Bigbouncingbaby]

Honestly. Yeah I agree seeing it written down in black and white seems so stupid...been unhappy for a while but know this is not the answer. Need to sort relationship out first but god o miss ex

[dequoisagitil]

I don't think you're giving yourself a chance to know what you want. You're unhappy with your current relationship, for good reason, so you've been directing your energy & feelings at your ex.

When you were with the ex, however, you ended up dumping him for someone else. What you felt for him wasn't enough to keep you with him. What has really changed?

It may not be working out with your dp, but I'm not sure what you feel for your ex is love, but perhaps the draw of the familiar and knowing he loves you. That can be very attractive when you're feeling low.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Second the suggestion to be single for a while and stop looking for men to supply happiness. You weren't happy with the ex. You're not happy with the replacement. The ex only looks like a good idea at the moment because he's 'the devil you know'. Your current relationship sounds like it was always a mistake. Worth spending some time being independent and getting to know what it is you really want out of life. Then find someone that genuinely enhances it. It's not the ex and it's not your current boyfriend.

[something2say]

Also if you leave your partner, you don't HAVE to suddenly get with the ex.... You could see what happens?

[Proudnscary]

If you are really on here for advice, then really listen:

Do not start a relationship, no matter that it's with your ex, when you are with your current partner. That is wrong, unfair and will end in even more of a mess.

Show some restraint, have some class.

Stop lurching from one bloke to another and (biggest cliche in the world) get to know yourself. You are far more capable, independent and self sufficient than you realise.

Concentrate on your very young daughter - relationships can wait.

If you want to split from current partner do it but remember you are a parent now and if you rush into another scenario that falls apart at the seams you will destabilise your daughter and she deserves a safe, happy, stable childhood.