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How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time :-)

(993 Posts)
skyebluesapphire Sat 25-Aug-12 17:42:34

This is my new thread - title thanks to tribpot

Links to my previous threads for my own information.

DoingItForMyself Sat 25-Aug-12 19:38:17

Hello! I'll be here (when I'm not on FB!) xxx

skyebluesapphire Sat 25-Aug-12 20:32:45


Bunnyjo Sat 25-Aug-12 20:45:33

Hello! Mainly a lurker on your thread, but showing support. Hope you're well, it sounds like the MM show was just the tonic you needed!

skyebluesapphire Sun 26-Aug-12 00:40:00

OK. So I'm not eating an elephant, but I am fishing.....

Set up a profile on POF. Had loads of response, just chatting to a bloke at the mo. Am worried he will turn out to be a perv though! He's already asked about webcam, is that normal or is he a perv?!

tribpot Sun 26-Aug-12 00:43:35

Perv. Next case! <gavel>

skyebluesapphire Sun 26-Aug-12 01:25:48

lol. He asked me if I wanted to see him stroking his dick. i said NO and shut him off, lol.

I only wanted a friendly chat with somebody... Im guessing the fact that its gone 1am says it all really....

Just found somebody I know on there so have sent him a friendly Hi, just to say hello, not to chat him up! Although he would be good, he's 35, got a little girl, self employed carpenter and I know his dad and he is lovely. LOL. see, in my head I've married him already grin.

Im so NOT cut out for this internet dating shit!

sadwidow28 Sun 26-Aug-12 03:35:57

I wish you well Skye - but I can't read or offer you any further support on this new thread.

If you are happy exploring POF and engaging with unknown people, I hope that you will have enough wit to keep yourself anc DD safe.

skyebluesapphire Sun 26-Aug-12 08:13:08

Sadwidow - I am only doing what a friend suggested as a way of meeting somebody. I live in a very small place and don't have much social life. They suggested online dating as they met their H that way. Lots of people do online dating now yet you appear to be saying that I'm a bad person for doing so.

I'm not ready for a new relationship until I can believe that not all men are lying bastards so I don't think POF is going to be right for me!

I am not going to put myself or my DD in any danger. From what I have seen so far they all seem to be a bunch if weirdos so I don't think I'll be on it for much longer.... I don't think that POF is the site for me.

skyebluesapphire Sun 26-Aug-12 08:24:04

To make it clear, I did not webcam, he asked and I said I dudn't have one. But he said I could still look at him and then started talking about my boobs and his dick. I shut him off immediately as its not what I'm after.

I had a laugh about it because it's either that or cry and I'm sick of crying over the twat who left me.

Mrsgorgeous Sun 26-Aug-12 08:24:11

Hello sky, we have "chatted" can check out my post to jog your memory!

Well, I have also joined POF and take most of it with a pinch of salt. However it is entertaining. There are so many false profiles on there it's untrue. Saying that, have you been on the forums? There are interesting topics being discussed and you might find someone interesting there.
I thought that I might have been ready to date and that's why I joined. It has helped me realise that I'm not!

Midwife99 Sun 26-Aug-12 08:26:09

Yes avoid webcams honey but Internet dating is now the most common & normal way to meet people! I do think you get a better class of man if he has been prepared to pay for membership somewhere like & POF is free, but as long as you don't give out your address & home phone number until you've met someone a few times & always date in public places, how is it unsafe?!!

DoingItForMyself Sun 26-Aug-12 10:19:14

I had a laugh about it because it's either that or cry and I'm sick of crying over the twat who left me.

Exactly Skye, its a giggle and a totally 'normal' way for people to meet potential new partners. We know POF isn't the most upmarket site, but its free, so we can have a laugh on there without spending loads of money only to find out there are a lot of tossers out there!

There are some nice guys online and its a matter of fine-tuning the twunt radar to sift out the rubbish from the rest. In the meantime, meeting a couple of guys for a coffee and a chat is a great way to spend the odd half hour and it gets you back into the mindset that you are a woman, not just a mum or a wife/ex-wife.

Having been on a couple of 'dates' so far it really has helped my confidence to know that I can still hold a conversation, that I'm interesting enough for someone to actually want to talk to me (years of XH avoiding spending time with me made me doubt that) and it means that when you do meet someone lovely you've got something to compare him to!

Xales Sun 26-Aug-12 10:36:36

Nothing wrong with having a laugh on POF or any other dating sites. As long as you remember the basic safety rules.

Just remember these people are complete strangers. Most of the time you meet friends of friends or people through work so chances are they have been a little vetted if that makes sense. Not that some of them don't turn out to be complete nasty wankers of course.

I have read somewhere that you should meet someone off these sites pretty fast for coffee, broad day light, public place blah blah... That way you have not had loads of chats and have not built up expectations and it is easier to walk away if you feel they are wrong for you. Rather than if you have invested several months getting to know their on line personality.

My boyfriend is not based in the same country as me so we do a lot of webcam stuff blush We did it before we met in person although we had know each other 18 months or so through on line games before that.

I don't think there is anything wrong with webcam stuff. I treat it the same as any other sexual activity. The same as one night stands, oral, anal, bondage etc As long as you are comfortable there is nothing wrong. If you are not don't do it. If a man pushes you to do these things then he is not the one for you, say thanks and move onto the next one.

Men asking after 10 minutes chat is a little creepy though. After a few hours is it any different to chatting to a bloke in a bar having a few drinks and going back to his place?

You need to get out of the mind set of planning your next marriage though grin

Take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh. I find chatting on line or playing games much more fun than sitting watching depressing Eastenders or Coronation Street alone after DS is in bed.

delilahlilah Sun 26-Aug-12 13:14:58

I haven't been following but just wanted to share my experience. I hope that's ok?

I don't know if any exist now, but some dating sites had chat rooms. I was once a member of one of these and although I met DH elsewhere, I met female friends there who I am still in touch with 8 years later. I even went on holiday with 3 of them, and it was fantastic. Maybe try and find one with a chat room or message boards as you will get to know personalities a little from posts / chats and if nothing else you may find some new friends who are feeling a little like you are. It's usually quite easy to spot the 'undesirables'! I wish you well.

DoingItForMyself Sun 26-Aug-12 14:09:42

When I think about some of the daft situations I put myself in as a teenager/20 something it makes me shudder. POF is pretty tame in comparison.

Luckily I only had a couple of minor incidents (well, if you count being Rohipnol-ed (sp?) as minor - I can't remember what happened so it has no impact on me mentally, but it made me a bit more sensible afterwards I can tell you.)

I think that meeting someone in a bar when you're drunk and your defences are down because you're having fun and feeling optimistic, is far more dangerous than being in the safety of your own home and having some perv offer to show you his dick on the webcam.

skyebluesapphire Sun 26-Aug-12 22:26:48

Is drunk and having a good time at friend BBQ :-)))))))

tribpot Sun 26-Aug-12 22:30:48

I like the simple efficiency of just posting your Facebook status here, skye wink

Drink plenty of water when you get home! Vodka is not water, just the same colour.

skyebluesapphire Mon 27-Aug-12 00:51:05

Lol. I'm silly drunk lol. Got home at 00.30, just put DD to bed! Asleep immediately! Am I a bad mother?! But all friends kids still there snd it's a complete one off!!!

Been sat around a fire and having a lovely chat with people. Have really enjoyed myself and decided life is good and I am going to be fine :-))

PedanticPanda Mon 27-Aug-12 01:07:30

What is POF?

izzyizin Mon 27-Aug-12 01:24:59

Plenty of Fish, Panda. It's an online dating site of the married 'slob seeks fuck meaningful relationship no timewasters' variety grin

<<dons asbestos suit>>

skyebluesapphire Mon 27-Aug-12 01:32:24

Lol at Izzy. Yes, it's not for me , lol. Although having said that I have been exchanging messages with a guy and we have talked about life in general and his dog, lol. Maybe I found a normal one?!

I'm certainly not thinking I will meet anybody on there seriously. Still in the "all men are bastards" phase anyway, lol.

It's nice to chat to people but pervs need not apply...

izzyizin Mon 27-Aug-12 01:44:53

Dogs are a good sign, skye. A man who's good to his dog(s) is usually good to know and have as a friend.

skyebluesapphire Mon 27-Aug-12 02:32:16

Haha, he seems ok so far lol. Just been chatting to a 28 yo fireman, think he's too young for me though, lol. He likes older women but I don't think I'm cut out to be a cougar grin

It's just nice to chat to somebody who seems normal (so far!)

izzyizin Mon 27-Aug-12 02:44:36

There's not much to gain in being a cougar. Be a man-eating tigress -and spit them out--

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