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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

am i wrong, or is my mum?

23 replies

fattybum · 23/08/2012 16:10

Just had an argument with dm.

She is very much a believer in alternative therapies. I'm not, but willing to be open minded. She has recommended flower remedies for years, has them all and regularly makes "potions" for people. Whenever I'm down or have a problem, she suggests I have some in my tea. She knows I don't believe in them, but I let her put them in rather than argue.

Well, today I felt fed up of it and said not to put them in because I don't believe in them. She said "I dont Care if you dont believe in them, put them in anyway because they do no harm". I told her that she was being as bad as a religious person preaching at you even though they know you're not religious.

I'm sick of it. It feels like i'm not allowed an opinion. Or am I being a cow?

OP posts:

Report

pictish · 23/08/2012 16:11

Nah you're not - I cba with that sort of blether either...it gets on my wick.

NatashaBee · 23/08/2012 16:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 23/08/2012 16:15

If the flowers she's putting in your tea were foxgloves (digitalis) they would do quite a lot of harm. :) Basic point is that if you don't want extra stuff in your tea, you don't want it and she shouldn't force it on you. Doesn't matter if it's flowery potions or a lump of sugar.

fattybum · 23/08/2012 16:16

The thing is, I dont have an issue with her believing in this stuff, just stop trying to force me to! I feel like crying.

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 23/08/2012 16:18

Don't cry, just stand up for yourself. 'No' is an acceptable response to someone being persistent and if she goes ahead and puts things in anyway, tip the whole thing down the sink.

ByTheWay1 · 23/08/2012 16:18

you are allowing her to put God knows what in your drink in any combination she pleases?!?!?!

They CAN do harm!

I hope you are not on the pill for instance as some "remedies" can interact and cause it to be ineffective!

CogitoErgoSometimes · 23/08/2012 16:18

How old are you OP?

fattybum · 23/08/2012 16:19

They're basically tiny amounts of flower essence mixed with alcohol, you only have literally 2-3 drops, but it's not the point, I dont want them!

OP posts:

fattybum · 23/08/2012 16:22

I'm 27. I'm not on medication and she knows that, I do believe they're harmless, it's the fact that to get her to ever accept my opinion we have to have an argument where inevitably I feel like the bad guy and a bitch.

OP posts:

Kleinzeit · 23/08/2012 16:22

Tell her you don't like the side effects

autumnmum · 23/08/2012 16:22

You're not being a cow. I'd feel like crying too because your mum is treating you like a child and ignoring what you are saying. Perhaps you need to remind her how old you are. Why is she putting stuff in your tea - what is she trying to "cure" you of? If it's anxiety I don't think it's working!

hectorthestandbyhawk · 23/08/2012 16:25

She thinks she can tell you what to do because she's your mum. I agree you're right. You don't have to accept her potions to be polite.

Viperidae · 23/08/2012 16:27

Flower remedies are made homeopathically so cannot interact with any other meds so that argument won't wash.

In fact, I thought they had to be given in water, I wouldn't have thought they would work in tea (if you believe they do anyway)

This comes down to a matter of principle. If you don't want you mother imposing her beliefs on you the stand your ground but if you don't believe they work then a couple of drops of expensive water in your tea doesn't matter anyway so is it worth falling out over? Only you can decide.

fattybum · 23/08/2012 16:29

There is a book that goes with them that tells you what each one does, about 30 different ones. They are for different problems eg worrying, irritability, shyness etc.

She tells me she sees them work on people, including me (bollocks). Is it rude to say "please don't talk to me about this stuff, I don't believe in it"? The thing is, it's who she is. She believes in all of it.

OP posts:

fattybum · 23/08/2012 16:33

My dh thinks I should stop telling her my problems because this is the only advice she knows. I find it very sad because you should be able to lean on your mum, shouldn't you?

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 23/08/2012 16:38

It doesn't matter whether they are harmless, toxic, effective, ineffective, or whether you believe or disbelieve in these potions. You shouldn't be 'treated' against your wishes. It's a very, very simple and very basic principle.

Your DH is probably right. If you can't trust her to listen to your problems without imposing hokum remedies then you should keep quiet. But tell her why you're no longer going to talk to her... maybe that will get through her thick skull.

nitrox · 23/08/2012 19:01

Sounds similar to the fall out I had with my mum when she was on a brainwashing Aloe Vera sales thingy!

You were NOTHING if you didn't have aloe vera in everything!

Like you I tried to be supportive, tried some products, tried to get into the hype and health benefits.. but in the end I had to ask her not to talk to me about it.. It dominated the conversation and everything I said ended up back to Aloe Vera..

I cried over this a lot too, it upset me to fall out with my mum as usually we were so close.

Maybe put a ban on her 'remedies'...

ImperialBlether · 24/08/2012 00:18

Just say to her, "I've tried them and they just make me all... I don't know, kind of argumentative and feeling like I'm in the right...."

cocolepew · 24/08/2012 00:22

She shouldnt be doing something that you dont want , how irritating.

A few drops of Rescue Remedy will help calm you down.

Krumbum · 24/08/2012 00:26

Yanbu. She is not a doctor, herbs can definately harm people. It's not worth risking and she needs to know that what she's doing could be dangerous let alone craaazy!

Margerykemp · 24/08/2012 02:39

I think this sounds more about control than herbs.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 24/08/2012 07:13

Not control so much as condescension. The mother is acting in an arrogant & superior manner. I asked how old the OP was because I could easily imagine a mother steamrollering a child with 'I know what's good for you', 'I know best'. To discover the OP is 27 is a surprise. The fact that it's some kind of magic potion is a complete irrelevance

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diddl · 24/08/2012 07:45

It´s the not being treated as an adult, isn´t it?

Why is her opinion-about what you ingest-more valid/important than yours?

Maybe you should just tell her less.

I think you should be able to talk to your mum as an adult & take her advice or not & it not be a problem.

But then now you are an adult, perhaps she shouldn´t be trying to solve all your "problems"

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