How do I approach this? TMI alert

[feelingfrustrated]

I'm in a new relationship....maybe 3 months in. He's fantastic, totally fantastic but for one issue. He finds it really hard to orgasm and I don't. If he does at all it's a long time after I have (and they are usually earth shattering and very early on). I?ve talked about it with him before, but he just doesn?t seem bothered when he doesn?t ejaculate?but I do. It makes me feel selfish! I really want the relationship to work and I think it?s important that we?re both sexually satisfied.

I am sure there is more I could be doing to help ? with past partners I?ve always been a bit passive/lie back and think of England, but he makes me feel so good that I want to be a bit more ?active?. Does anyone have any ideas as to how I 1. can feel more confident in taking the lead and 2. broach the subject with him again?

He is taking anti-depressants which is probably contributing a lot. But, asdide from that, I am feeling a little lost and totally inexperienced and sure I am doing something wrong.

[mirry2]

Use your mouth?

[feelingfrustrated]

Doesn't seem to help or speed things up in any way!

[Houseofplain]

He is on ads. That is normal and will continue until he comes off them or changes,

[nickelcognito]

it is normal on ADs

It might be worth talking to him about it, and if he doesn't come, then just stop after a while and cuddle.

Women aren't always expected to come but still enjoy sex.

[HotDAMNlifeisgood]

It's the ADs, it's not you, and you are not being selfish.

If he is being generous to you in bed, as it sounds, and is not bothered by his own lack of orgasms, as it also sounds, then I think you have nothing to worry about.

Count yourself lucky that the ADs aren't stopping him performing at all!

[feelingfrustrated]

Thanks for making me feel reassured. He has very different sexual tastes to my ex-h and I guess I need to talk to him about what he likes more...regardless of whether he ends up ejaculating or not. It would just be nice of me to get the courage to broach the subject.

I didn't realise ADs could have such an effect!

[feelingfrustrated]

Also - I don't think he's been particularly generous - it's just that he only needs to look at me and I am incredibly turned on...which is nice!

[OneMoreChap]

feelingfrustrated Thu 23-Aug-12 14:53:28

I didn't realise ADs could have such an effect!

Believe me, for a man, there are far worse effects.

[feelingfrustrated]

Yes - I suppose I should be grateful really. Definitely no ED.

[mirry2]

What's ED?

[feelingfrustrated]

Erectile dysfunction. He has no trouble getting it up!

[whereismumhiding]

The lying back being passive thing might be something you could change to help him... Have you tried holding his .. you know (balls ) with your hand when he's going in & out. Might speed him up. (I had an XP who went on for blooming' ever (over an hour) and i just got sore so learnt a few tips). Switching to reverse cowboy after you have umm you know... might help him too.
God I'm such a teenager when it comes to sex talk

[whereismumhiding]

Ooh have you thought of saying darling I love you and want to help you - you know- in bed... Is there anything I can do to help you.. Can you show me when we're next shagging?

[feelingfrustrated]

Yes, I think being a little less passive on my part would help him. Thing is I feel so shy! It's the only area in my life in which I do but I feel like a teenager again.

Obviously the ADs are the main issue but I want to make sure I am doing everything I can. If it was half as good for him as it is for me I think we'd both be even happier bunnies.

Might try the balls thing then...

[dondon33]

It's maybe WAYYYY to early in the relationship to mention this one but when a man has his prostate massaged I'll let you google it:) brings a quite quick and explosive orgasm especially when a certain part of his body is in your mouth ;)

TMI reply :)

[feelingfrustrated]

Well he has no qualms going to, ahem, that area on me so maybe I could put the idea his way....

[Midwife99]

Snigger - makes me feel like I'm at work!! Lol

[feelingfrustrated]

midwife

[whereismumhiding]

Feelingfrustrated I know how you feel! Asking him sweetly to show you what he likes when you are mid sex is defo easier than a chat in cold light of day!! Or texts or email might be another way ('darling what do you like in bed?' text!)

[feelingfrustrated]

I did think about emailing - at which point I turned to mumsnet instead! I don't want to make an issue out of it if it's not one for him, but I suspect it will become one and I'd rather know that i'm doing everything I can to help.

Ach, should just be happy that everything else about him is perfect.

[wellisit]

hubby wasnt on ADs but didnt cum much at all in the early days - he's a sweet boy who needs to really get to know and feel comfortable with someone before he can. And I don't cum at all during sex no matter what I/we do, but I still REALLY enjoy sex!

[balotelli]

When I was on seroxat many years ago I could keep it up for hours without coming! trouble was I was single so had blistered palms for months


If he doesnt have a problem dont worry. I often dont come with my DW but I am happy with my sexlife now. As long as DW is happy then I am happy.

Enjoy!

[Midwife99]

Def don't make an issue of it - if he then becomes anxious it will make it worse! Relax, let it happen naturally! I reckon it's the ADs.

[AKissIsNotAContract]

I find a lubed up finger up the bum can speed things up.

[AKissIsNotAContract]

Just realised that's just the less classsy way of saying what Dondon said