Right, as is traditional, I've name changed, i usually post on more frivolous parts of MN but I need some help to understand what's happened to me, why it's happened and how to stop myself being quite such a knob in the future.
( I fully accept that I've been an idiot, I really do ).
Several years out of a marriage to a man who saw me solely as his housekeeper and nanny, no affection from him, no respect, sex 4 times a year ( that was in a good year, no sexual conatct at all when pregnant, breast feeding and none for the last 3 years of the marriage, with no explanation from him as to why he didn't want me ).
Anyway, ex- boyfriend contacts me, he has 'loved me for the last 20+ years' ( I know this to be true - years prior to renewed contact with me, he'd told this to all his friends, mother etc ). He lives a couple of hours travel from me. God help me but I love the wanker, we laugh, we have everything in common, we 'fit' together, when we are together it's the real partnership I have always longed for. We have been having a relationship for the past few years, well I say having a relationship, he has finished with me at least 4 times now. He has some kind of crisis ( he is very much an anxious, OCD-y, neurotic, introspective type ) and stops having any contact with me, just kills it stone dead. The first time he did it I felt like I was dying, I could honestly feel my heart aching within my chest but then a couple of weeks/months later he pops up again, full of remorse ( I absolutely do NOT contact him ) and swearing his love. Then it repeats months later. His explanation is that he finds the separations ( when i travel back home )from me intolerable and deals with that by finishing with me so he no longer has to deal with the loneliness when I go.
The last time was last month, he'd got in touch, ' I love and miss you' , all the usual outpourings of affection, I spent the weekend with him and then on the Sunday, he told me that the relationship had ' changed ' and he now saw me as just the ' closest friend' ( despite us having frankly excellent sex, initiated by him ). He then went back to his mother's and lay in his bed, moping all week ( his mum told me this, she thinks I'm ' very good for him' and we're ' made for each other' ). I have heard nothing from him since. My sole contact being a simple request for him to send all my possessions that remain in his flat - a large amount of clothes, make up, contact lenses etc to my house ( to which he didn't reply ).
I want to stop loving him, I'm a reasonably intelligent woman, I'm tired of being so stupid with regard to him. I'm weary of it, I don't like dramatic relationships.
Thank you for reading my self indulgent twaddle, please tell me why you think he does it and how to sort myself out.
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Relationships
Bored of myself being such a knob, please talk some sense to me
BishopBrennan · 21/08/2012 11:52
he is emotionally immature and has ishoos.
I had a relationship like this - he ran hot and cold on me, messed with my head, kept finishing with me - making out that he had no option 
. I was so much happier when we finally walked away from each other.
Walk away and don't look back.
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oh, you daft bugger 
< gives manly squeeze around shoulders >
tell him to post it
job done
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