want to leave other half but scared of change

[flower2009]

I have wanted to leave my other half for a long time as he makes me unhappy. He had an affair 3 and a half years ago and I still have not got over it. I never bring it up with him but I feel like things will never be the same. I feel like I am missing out on love and the fun that goes with it. The problem is every time I pluck up the courage to leave I chicken out as I am scared of change and the thought of never seeing him again, as deep down I do love him but I just have no respect for him anymore after what he did. We have a toddler and I just think the longer I leave it the worse it will be for her, but I just do not have the courage to leave and cope with the change it would bring. Any advice would be welcomed.

[amillionyears]

He had an affair,so he broke the marriage.It is up to you whether you leave or not.
I once heard that having no respect means you dont love them.Sorry this is sounding so brutal.
Are you scared of any sort of change?A step by step approach would be best.
A lot of posters on here have experience of this and would help you with the practical things that would need to be done.
Even if you left,it wouldnt mean you didnt have to see your other half again.

[flower2009]

Yes I am scared of any type of change, I think I am not very good with change at all I never have been. Even when I wanted to leave home as a young adult I found it really hard to adjust to the change and kept going back! I tried to leave my other half early this year but had a panic attack and my friend had to come round because I was in bits, and ended up unpacking all my bags and putting everything back. He never even knew I tried to leave. I have no confidence left in myself anymore he has sucked it all away and I am totally fed up.

[amillionyears]

If you were to do a first step,what would you want it to be?
Telling someone,consulting a solicitor,packing a bag and putting it at the back of a wardrobe?

[Mellower]

I did it. I like you felt like the life was being sucked out of me, I didn't leave I got a court order and made him leave. It felt good, I felt brave, I detest change, I took the bastard back after he threatened suicide,promised change and lots of other crap but mainly for my DC.

Then 8 months later he left me to live with his new Miss Affair No. 2.

Think it through, weigh up pros/cons, try to imagine life without him, financially, emotionally, talk it through with friends, work out the practicalities, think how you would feel if he left you, would you be heart-broken ? I was. Then I seen the light. I think it hurt my pride more than anything tbh.

He wanted to come back. I said no. Then yes, then no no no no.

I am very very happy being a single parent. The only few draw backs are I miss someone being here so I can have a bath in peace and possibly the money.

The house is so much more peaceful, no stress, no resentment (re: affairs) just me and my happier boys. I do occasionally miss cuddles but have a great electric blanket and sometimes have a little fling/date if I really need a cuddle! I answer to no-one, do what I like, when I like, I love it, so much so that I really cannot imagine ever living with anyone again, I know this may change when the DC grow up and leave me (sob) but 2 years on I am most definitely happier on my own.

Just think hard about it. Could you explain your resentment over his affair and suggest a trial seperation?