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Any thoughts please?

3 replies

Mama1980 · 01/08/2012 23:02

Just looking for thoughts really....I have been with dp for 3 years known him since we were at uni, I have ds 4 and dd 14 (sgo but in every way she is my daughter) I have a good job home ed my son my dd is doing great I own my own house it's been bloody hard but I am really happy.
Was not in anyway looking for a relationship but dp was great when I was recovering from having my ds and we fell in love. He's wonderful kind considerate adores my
Children, he's the only father ds has ever known. He talks to me makes me laugh. I have recently had a serious operation to repon my hips and he has been incredible. He spends most of his time here and really wants to move in fully. Thing is I trust him I really do but I'm scared. So scared he understands this has given me all the time in the world is not pressuring me at all says he will still be here in 20 years even if I still send him back to his every few nights. He has seen me at my worst puts up with my stubbornness and ridiculous need to maintain my independence. Just scared scared at the thought of entwining my whole life with someone I am kidding myself that because he doesn't live here it's only my heart that could get hurt but that's crap my
children adore him. I don't know what I would do without him but I'm still scared - he puts the bins out ffs and he doesn't even live here. I want to say yes move in it would make me happy but my own fears are just holding me back. He has proved himself a thousand ways do I just say yes or wait....for what I have no idea. My friends in rl all tell me to go for it they love him. I'm just looking for some oerspectjve I guess....

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PlumpDogdePodiumPunchesdeAir · 01/08/2012 23:11

Perhaps it would help if you try and articulate what it is that you're scared of?
Which isn't to say that you should feel comfortable about him moving in, but from what you're saying, it seems like you're trying to sort out your feelings.
So write some more: What are your fears?

Also, you sound as if you're feeling really pressured - as if you feel you should want him to move in because other people (friends, DCs) think he's great. That doesn't mean that you owe it to them (or him) to have him living in your space.

You sound like it's all moving too fast for you and you're feeling out of control.
Is that right?

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Mama1980 · 02/08/2012 07:49

Hi thanks for replying. I guess I was just trying to find out why I am scared.
It's like my heart is saying yes by my head tells me it's too good to be true if that makes sense? He hasn't given me any reason to think that. I guess I'm just afraid of being hurt, my ex left me the day my pregnancy was confirmed at the hospital without even a change of clothes-I swore no one would ever do that to me again.
I don't think dp will but the fears still there iyswim?
He is putting me under no pressure at all but I'm unable to move much at the moment so he's here all the time sorting and helping I have no idea what I would do without him and that scares me.
Friends do I guess they tell me I should move forward before I let my fears drive him away. I'm not worried about that though, I trust him and if they did well he wasn't worth having in the first place.
I don't understand myself sometimes.

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Conflugenglugen · 02/08/2012 18:12

Mama1980 - I think this clip might help you to understand what could be going on for you. It has been invaluable for me, and it feels appropriate to share it with you:

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