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Relationships

would you be angry with me?

15 replies

ithastobeNAICEham · 26/07/2012 16:19

Me and mum don't see eye to eye on a lot of things and sometimes our relationship can be strained to say the least.

A couple of weeks ago my "step father" called to say he had been to see my grandmother and she wanted to see my 8yo DD again. Fair enough. My gran had quite clearly been feeling sorry for herself. (She has weeks were everyone is against her and just waiting for her to die and then she is fine again, she has been like this for years now so we all tend to just nod and agree we are bad kids/grandkids and ignore, which is a stragety developed over time)

I said I'd take my dd over today and spend some time over there. My gran can't get out much and as I live 2 hours away (3bus rides) I thought I'd take my DD and we'd make a day of it.

On tues I did a similar (not quite as long a trip) trip to see my sil and DB who have just had twins. I've realised that doing this is just too much for me! I'm 33 weeks pg and during this weather 3 buses is probably not the smartest move!

I text my mum this morning (I didn't have any credit on my phone until this morning) to let her know that I wouldn't be able to make it.
However, I did say that I was very sorry and if she wanted to come over (she drives) and take my DD over, she was more than welcome to.

She text me back saying "done" and then called an hour later with a string of nasty and hurtful comments (along the lines of, you shouldn't of even got pg if you can't cope with the pregnancy! And, if you think I am going to have anything to do with the new brat you're creating, you have another thing coming) I explained my postion again and hung up, asking her to call back when she can be civil!

Have I really stepped over the mark here? I've offered an alternative and I'm failing to see what else I could have done here? I don't want to put my health or the health of my unborn child at risk!

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 26/07/2012 16:54

Heavily pregnant in hot weather you should be keeping cool and getting plenty of rest. Sounds like there is a lot of unresolved antagonism going in the family.... a step-dad with quotation marks, a hypochondriac nan and a grumpy mother?... and you're probably better keeping to yourself for a while rather than getting involved in the dramas.

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JennerOSity · 26/07/2012 16:58

Finding certain activities difficult when heavily pregnant is normal, so not a reason to not get pregnant!

Clearly hurtful comments getting flung is not your fault. It does sound like your family are less than supportive, try not to get drawn into it and concentrate on doing what is right by you and DD.

could you call your gran and explain so she gets to hear from the horses mouth that the heart is willing but the bus service flesh is weak?

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TheHappyHissy · 26/07/2012 17:02

No you have not stepped over the mark and you know it.

Your 'D'M has no right to call and abuse you no matter what you have or haven't done.

go on strike, leave the pair of them to stew in their own juices.

Ignore them, they sound VILE, and your life would be much better if they weren't in it tbh.

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nickelbarapasaurus · 26/07/2012 17:02

bloody hell!
your Mum was overreacting.

really, really, really overreacting.

She's been pregnant herself, I assume? your her biological daughter?
if so, then she should know how hard it is to be heavily pregnant, especially in this weather!
God, I was 33 weeks in October, and I wouldn't have caught 3 buses and traipsed all across town!

I think you do need to ignore the family for a while.
maybe if your DP drives, then you could go and see your nan on the weekend, but I would ignore your mum's outburst and do your best to look after yourself .

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nickelbarapasaurus · 26/07/2012 17:03

you're

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izzyizin · 26/07/2012 17:14

If you were my dd, even if it were a question of one bus I'd drive over, exhort you to put your feet up and take my dgc to see her dggm - and do your shopping on the way home, put it away for you, cook a meal, and offer to do any else I could to make sure that you get as much as rest as possible in the final weeks of your pg.

Your dm is way out of order and I would suggest that you keep her, and any other toxic rellies you may have, way out of your life until they grow up.

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ithastobeNAICEham · 26/07/2012 18:26

Sorry, should of said why I call my mums husband "step father" he is only 7 yrs older than me and even my DD's dad is 8 yrs older than me!! Its madness!

Jenner, I've tried calling my gran and she isn't answering. I've left a message for her to explain and that will have to do! I'm not getting dragged into her feeling sorry for herself!

Happy, nickel - my DP doesn't drive, I am her biological DD and she's been pg twice more to my younger Dbro's! According to my dad (she has rung my dad to let him know what a "disgrace I am") she barely did anything when she was pg, she used to spend all her time bitching at him n not doing a thing!

Izzy, can I adopt you as my mum please??

My mum has barely even asked me how the pg is going, she just doesn't care! :(

I think the advice to sit back and let them argue for a while is probably what I'm gonna do! Thank you all

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BurningBridges · 26/07/2012 18:31

When you love your children so much you would lay down your life for them, how on earth do you get to this state where you speak to them like dirt just because they're adults? Or maybe she was always like this?! FFS It sounds like something off of Jeremy Kyle.

You poor thing, your mother is a stupid cow - if I said this to my DD I'd be terrified that I would never see her or my grandchildren again. Very sad for you. I think others have put it better - enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and keep away from your toxic family for the time being.

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KatieScarlett2833 · 26/07/2012 18:34

Have you read the toxic parents thread OP?

If not, you really should

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ithastobeNAICEham · 26/07/2012 18:43

My mum has been like this for yrs, my gran is the same. My gran seems to have a massive chip on her shoulder about everything! As I said in my op, I tend to just smile and nod when she is going on one about how 'bad' I am as it just gets tedious!

The whole reason I doubted myself on this is because of my mums reaction. Is it too much to ask for a little understanding that I'm heavily pg and its too big of an ask for me atm!!

When I was pg with my DD (first GC for her) she was round every two mins and bloody annoying me! Now, she's no where to be found!!

Just speaking to my dad now and he has said that my mum told him I was having another DD with the words (omg, I can't believe she's got herself pg with another girl! Its not right, boys are better!) Amazingly, my DSIL was having the boys so she's got her grandsons now!

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ithastobeNAICEham · 26/07/2012 18:47

Tbh, its never occured to me that my mum might be toxic! (How stupid am I?) I've seen toxic parents threaads on here and I've not even clicked.

I'm gonna have to go and have a look.

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KatieScarlett2833 · 26/07/2012 18:51

bless you sweetheart x





Grin

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ithastobeNAICEham · 26/07/2012 18:54

Thank you Katie!!

Kinda wishing I could have a Wine but I guess a Brew will have to do... Now where did I put the buscuits?

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MamaMumra · 26/07/2012 18:56

You were doing the only responsible thing, how horrible for you to get all that grief. Please don't let this upset you - your mum should have brought you GM round or dropped you off!

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diddl · 26/07/2012 19:14

It´s unfortunate that you cancelled last minute-but you are pregnant with a young child-life gets in the way!

It would be a cold day in hell before I contacted a woman who called my unborn baby a brat.

And I´d be happy to make sure she had nothing to do with it!

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