self esteem group

[loganberry12]

Is there such groups free of charge. I live in Kent and would like to go to something like this. I have had a few bad relationships and would like to learn how to love myself so that i do not repeat mistakes from the past and can deveope a new healthy relationship in the future.

[puds11]

I would like to do the same logan. Its effecting my life, and i feel, holding me back.

[Twosugarsplease]

Me too, I just posted, I'm typical of needing a group like this, let's google !

[Twosugarsplease]

Me too, I just posted, I'm typical of needing a group like this, let's google !

[TheHappyHissy]

What kind of bad relationship? Abusive?

there may be groups in your area, if DV was an issue you can contact Woman's Aid or the NCDV

The Freedom Progamme can stop you repeating patterns if abuse is a factor.

I live in Hampshire and we have a free weekly group in our village, there are other groups in Aldershot and Basingstoke. We're trying to raise funds to keep them all going and establish new groups, but they would be in Hampshire.

If you tell us what help you need, we might be able to help advise, suggest books, and places that are available.

[loganberry12]

I googled it but can't seem to find anything in my area that is free.

[TheHappyHissy]

We might be able to help set one up too, there are all sorts of fabulous professionals on here....

[Twosugarsplease]

My post, is 'desperately need a shoulder' my relationship not abusive, just emotional issues. I'm shy, don't have a lot of confidence in myself anymore x

[loganberry12]

It is not DV but just i have low self esteem and tend to attract controlling bullies who i can't be myself with.

[TheHappyHissy]

Controlling bullies ARE abusive love.

They target people like us knowing we'll find it impossible to fight their control.

Have a look at the book Power and Control, why charming men make dangerous lovers It might help you see what you have been up against.

[Twosugarsplease]

Mmm, yeah similar situation Logan. I just want a bit of backbone, if I speak up, things won't build up inside me.
Thehappyhissy, I've suffered with panic attacks, am suffering with pmd.
Would love to just sit in a room for hours on end and let it all out x

[puds11]

Mine is both EA and DV.

[Twosugarsplease]

Sorry to hear that puds11 ! My problems suddenly seem small, I'm here if you want an ear, sure someone in same situation as you will join soon. Are you strong enough to get out of this relationship ? X

[puds11]

Thanks twosugars we have split up, but its not just him, i have a history of making bad choices, and im terrified i will again. I dont know how to pick a good person.

[Twosugarsplease]

It's simple, puds, someone who makes you happy Hun. My exh announced he was gay after 12 yrs of marriage. I didn't think I would ever be happy, but my dp came along and here am, IM the one who is spoiling this with my pmd and emotional issues that have built up, that I need to sort. I need to be more open with my feelings. Terrified of getting hurt again, so I always think what's it gonna be ? Fight or flight, in my case I need to fight, yours understandably was flight, and well done. Get yourself strong and happy, you will attract the right person, strong and happy like you will be...so glad your not still in that relationship, so there you go, you were strong to get out of it..now that's a start ! X

[Twosugarsplease]

In what way do you feel controlled Logan, was happyhissy's link helpful ?

[loganberry12]

Hi Twosugars i feel controlled in the fact when i was with my exH (he left almost 5 months ago now) i couldnt express my opinion without being shouted down or accused of starting an argument. He also ridiculed my about everything i said mainly when other people where around and made me look stupid. He once whipped a cigarette out of my mouth in front of my work colleges and told me i wasnt to smoke. lots of things really but i felt pushed down not good enough. His leaving made me feel even more insecure and i feel i need some kind of therapy or group help to build my self esteem.

[puds11]

logan my ex did exactly the same thing infront of my work collegues. It is so humiliating, but he also made himself look like a grade A twat.

[loganberry12]

Yeah my work collegues thought he was a tosser

[puds11]

He was always trying to tell me what i should and souldnt be doing.

[VenusStarr]

Have you got a Rethink near you? My local branch runs self-esteem courses that are free to attend

[Twosugarsplease]

Thanks Venus star, I will check for re think too.
Logan he sounded terrible, we're you relieved when he left..amongst the upset ?
I find I just can't explain things well, always gets turned round on to me somehow, that I don't make any sense, that it's not relevant to the argument, to be fair, there is so much on my mind, I suppose it all comes out in mish mash, he doesn't understand pmd, or women's state of mind pre/ post period.
I just wonder sometimes...am I being a dick here, but when I'm at my peak I just feel, anger, loneliness,resentment, when period is here. But it just seems to be the same things on my mind, feeling low, sad, no confidence. Maybe I just feel sensitive to his attitude when I'm like this, or maybe my mind can't take anymore, which is why the same feelings keep coming back. I just feel I'm spoiling our relationship, so I need some strength to carry on, and be heard, and be able to open up more.

[BertieBotts]

I would definitely look at the freedom project or Women's Aid pattern changing course if they run in your area. They're either free or charge a nominal fee to cover room hire, cost of materials etc.

It doesn't matter if you've never experienced physical violence, if you have ever felt controlled in a relationship or feel you need some guidance to help choose healthier relationships it definitely would help.

Something else which might be worth googling is courses in self confidence or assertive training?