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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Emotional affair

12 replies

mopbucket · 26/07/2012 10:11

So i have had a emotional affair with a guy now for 6mths we chat alot but only met each other once for coffee (2wks ago) i know its wrong but i got caught up
Dh knows we met for coffee and i quote him from time to time at first i thought we were friends but i now know its called an emotional affair
Anyway a text from him yesterday floored me as he told me he now has a gf i have been so upset but im also so happy for him
I know and he knew we would never be physical, i have told him im happy for him but sad too but that its the best thing to happen as i need to work on my marriage now, he said we could still chat but i feel i need to lose contact so i can move on

I know i will get flamed but my mh has not been good and my emotions are everywhere i just feel down today

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LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 26/07/2012 10:15

I think he is letting you down - very gently. You won't be able to go back to how it was beforehand. If you still have a relationship, it will be strictly as platonic friends. It may smart for a little while but you know that you need to work on your marriage - and also that this is HIS decision. Either of you could have made the decision to not carry on with this and he has made it.

You'll be fine, you really will. You've been saved from getting in deeper and that's a very good thing. No flaming from me.

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Spice17 · 26/07/2012 10:19

This seems like the most platonic type of EA (if that makes sense) whereby neither of you have caused any hurt so far and it has been nipped in the bud.

You should be grateful this as happened and see it as an opportunity to break the thread keeping you in touch and each focus on your own relationships, good luck. :)

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Houseofplain · 26/07/2012 10:25

Cut contact. From her threads, it did have an impact on her marriage as she wanted to leave her dh at one point to sleep about.

He was clearly only ever after a booty call and saw you as an easy opportunity for a non committal lay. You wanted sex, he knew you were married.

All this stay in contact is nonsense. He wants you on the back burner for sex. Just cut contact.

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Houseofplain · 26/07/2012 10:28

Or he's king manipulator and when you met, despite most people telling you what would happen, he was after sex, as you were having an ea.

You declined, he's now manipulating you, to try and get you to up the ea to physical. Either way cut contact, work on your marriage, or end it. Best of luck.

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mopbucket · 26/07/2012 22:10

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mopbucket · 27/07/2012 08:58

Finding it really hard to cut off from him i am so tempted to talk to him but i know i will end up in square 1, he texted me this morning but i have deleted it even tho it was only to say to me have a good day.
I am due to fly on monday to spain for 11 days with dh and dc's this will be a good op to sort myself out be away from everything and just be with my family and re love my dh again.
Its so hard as nobody in rl knows and dh is not aware of my feelings towards my friend or that my friend has a gf now

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Slugslasher · 27/07/2012 10:03

Have a great holiday Mop! Good luck!

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mashedpotatohead · 27/07/2012 11:26

Mop - Just wanted to say I have been in a similar situation. An ex contacted me on fb & I naively thought it was just a friendly catch up. He had been seperated for several years & I felt a bit sorry for him. Before long he was confessing undying love for me (he hadnt seen me for 25yrs!) which was a bit random! But I did get a bit swept along by the attention. I convinced myself it was fine for a while but felt guilty. I forced myself to think about it from dh's point of view & I knew I'd be gutted if he was doing the same.

My advice to you is delete his no so that you have no choice but to cut contact. As time passes you will think of him less. It has also made me realise that it was actually all a bit of a fantasy. What has helped me to reconnect with dh is what brought us together initially & worked on ways to relight the fire! It's not easy but it is possible ;) Good luck!

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mopbucket · 27/07/2012 13:14

Thank you fantasy is good but i need to grow up its just hard not to say "have a good day" back
Im natually a listener and a good deed person just need to get back to normal life now

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Ormiriathomimus · 27/07/2012 15:25

"he said we could still chat but i feel i need to lose contact so i can move on" yes, you do. It would be all too easy for the 'friendly' chats to become more.

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mopbucket · 27/07/2012 15:40

Reading Dr Glass its really good

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mopbucket · 27/07/2012 19:17

Ok through my tears i have texted him to say goodbye said i needed closure from our friendship