Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

I've gone into complete panic mode. Verging on hibernation mode. Please help.

(1000 Posts)
JackieandJudy Sun 15-Jul-12 15:39:00

Dh is ill, and has been since just after we met. Over the years we've had so much to deal with, and I think it would be fair to say that I have dealt with most of it reasonably well (I'm generally ok at coping when things are going wrong, it's usually afterwards I have a bit of a wobble).

The situation is slightly different this time in that, instead of finding ourselves in the middle of an emergency, he has a planned operation coming up for next Monday. And I'm so bloody scared. The odds we have been given are not good. I can't stop thinking about Monday and am constantly doing the "what if ...?" thing. The elder dc know it's serious stuff coming up and are scared themselves, hence are looking to us for guidance and reassurance. I've tried but today I'm all out of trying and have locked myself in the bedroom. Smallest dc knows Dad has to go to hospital but is oblivious of the wider implications.

I'm shaking constantly. I keep crying at random moments (yes, that was me in Sainsbury's who cried when I dropped the apples!), I can't do this for another week. But I have to. I don't want to talk to rl friends as I will cry and I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me anyway.

But I'm happy to listen if any of you lovely ladies have any ways to help me get through this week, and possibly after. sad

JackieandJudy Fri 02-Nov-12 19:38:04

Hi all, how is half-term going? Can't believe it's Friday already.

Oh Homebird, poor you, that sounds incredibly painful. I hope you're doing as instructed and putting, literally, your feet up. And hope Dh hasn't done too much of the "serves you right" type stuff!

laz, thank you so much for offer of Xmas pud, and the answer is "yes please" but only if you will let me pay you. I've just tried to pm you but couldn't do it for some reason. Could you have a go at pm'ing me when you get a chance, and I'll see if I can reply.

Homebird8 Sat 03-Nov-12 02:10:07

Hi there lovely ladies, thanks for your good wishes re my calcaneus mishap heel bone to the uninitiated I'm considering myself very lucky that it doesn't hurt at all unless I misjudge my step with the crutches and make the mistake of putting any weight on it. I'm supposed to be non weight bearing anyway so if I'm good there's no pain to worry about. I see the Prof at the fracture clinic on Wednesday evening so should hear then more about how long I'll have before I'm allowed to start weight bearing (even partially) again.

DH has manned up and is making meals and tea although I am hopping around like a mad thing sorting washing, emptying dishwashers, cleaning toilets etc. rolls eyes despairingly Apparently, the best thing for DH's foot is not to get out of bed whilst i'm at work shock. The DSs are my little angels who have shouldered increased responsibility without a murmur and are destined to to be thoughtful and caring young men. DH does caring ok, but seeing what is in front of his nose, or watching a clock, is not his strong point. Oops - rant over blush

It's so good to hear from you J&J. Has your DS decided what to do about his course? Important to get these things right. What is he thinking of changing to? Still sending my prayers for healing to your DH. Here in NZ sympathy is of the 'take a spoon of concrete, and harden up' variety so I feel a bit culturally out of place to be hoping he can find the patience to give himself time. Hope he is feeling better mentally although pain can really eat up resolve. Is there nothing more he can be offered to help deal with it or is it his reticence where drugs are concerned that is holding him in this difficult position.

I'm hoping Lazarus can make you a yummy Christmas pud. Must be about time to make a start on mine although now I'm reliant on the length of time my good foot wants to stand up! Perhaps, once the school gala is over tomorrow, I can start thinking of making cakes and puds and mince pies against the hunger of ten of us over Christmas when the in laws all descend on the Shaky Isles to join us for the festive season.

DF is coming in Jan or Feb with his fiancée (who we will meet in person for the first time) so no sooner have the hordes of DH's blood-stock gone in mid Jan than I will have to start working on foodstuffs again! Don't know if I can cope with DF and DSMTB if they're here for Valentine's day though. It's like having teenagers around on Skype and that's bad enough. They're all soppy and twinkly and can't make a plan to save their lives! Haven't even booked plane tickets yet! So good to see them happy. Let more of it abound! smile

lazarusb Sat 03-Nov-12 15:03:08

J & J - I got 4 PMs from you and have PMed you back..must have been a glitch at HQ! Half-term has gone very quickly I agree. Would love to have private tutors for the children & keep them home all the time, although they'd hate it! Hope ds is ok at Uni and his room was fairly clean!

Homebird I think your ds's are going to grow into lovely young men. Would love to send you a pud too but don't think it would get there in one piece! Perhaps I can send dh over with it - he'd love to visit NZ and is a domestic god so could give your dh a few lessons at the same time. smile I hope things settle down a bit for you too!

lazarusb Mon 05-Nov-12 16:48:43

Just popping in to say hello and hope that wherever any of you are, you've had reasonable weather. Sunny but cold on the South Coast today smile

1st assignment of the Uni year down...online land law test next Monday evening- panic!!

dondon33 Mon 05-Nov-12 21:59:16

Hey Laz, I'm popping in to check for updates while I have 5 mins to myself.

I feel like I've never stopped today, 10 hours at work, straight from there to language class then home to do homework confused which i want to throw from my very high balcony Now to eat and chill for a few hours before bed.
The UK looks freezing from what I've seen on the news, it's cold where I am too but no snow yet although I have -30 to soon look forward to sad
Good luck with your test next week.

I hope everyone is well
Take care all x

lazarusb Tue 06-Nov-12 21:29:33

Hello dondon, thank you! Good luck with the Polish. I was on the 6.20am train this morning and there was a thick ground frost...but I've given in to my old age and bought a thermal vest which has kept me toasty all day and no back spasms because of the cold smile I couldn't cope with -30 I don't think - the average UK winter is bad enough as far as I'm concerned!

dondon33 Wed 07-Nov-12 07:36:10

It certainly is chilly, I was here in January too and the temps were that low and I've honestly never felt cold like it, the cold burns your face iykwim - I'm so glad I wasn't born into an Eskimo family smile
Thank you for the encouragement, I'm just starting to comprehend the 'cases' there's 7 of the buggers to master and for each one the noun ending changes two ways :@ so very difficult but I've been told learning this language is for 'intelligent people' ha ha I shouldn't have started then but I'm quite a stubborn sod so WON'T quit.
Have a good day all x

lazarusb Wed 07-Nov-12 10:01:18

That's the spirit...but instead of stubborn, say 'driven' or 'determined'!! (Not that I've used those in reference to my pig-headed self at any time, oh no...) grin

Homebird8 Wed 07-Nov-12 18:24:03

DH reckons I've got a bee in my bonnet. I reckon I'm quite simply 'focused'!

Well done with the language work. I'm useless at languages!

lazarusb Wed 07-Nov-12 18:36:01

Absolutely Homebird. If more people were focused, there would be less for other 'focused' people to do!

dondon33 Wed 07-Nov-12 21:15:08

It does sound better but I'm definitely stubborn hehe especially when I set my mind on something to learn.
Thanks Homebird, I'm not really too clever with languages myself confused I have a little French and German from School and self taught myself a little Spanish a few years back - nothing special, more holiday essential stuff but this is whole god damn bloody confusing other level.
Hope you all have a good night x

ladyWordy Sat 10-Nov-12 01:54:28

Have been thinking of you and your DH, J&J... I do hope he is feeling even a little better. thanks

lazarusb Sat 10-Nov-12 10:35:43

Hello again. Hope everyone is having or planning a nice weekend. Keep going dondon - I admire your tenacity! J and J, I hope things are improving with you and dh is more comfortable and a bit more active.

I have an online Land Law test at 7pm on Monday evening - keep your fingers crossed for me everyone, I have found it so boring difficult! It's only worth 10% of the final module mark but a 60% mark would be a relief!

dondon33 Sat 10-Nov-12 12:51:40

Thanks Lazarus and fingers will be firmly crossed for you.

JandJ - another hoping that you're all well and that DH is improving x

Have a good weekend all xxx

ForeverAutumnNow Sat 10-Nov-12 14:22:03

Still thinking of you, and hoping that things are a little easier.x.

JackieandJudy Mon 12-Nov-12 17:27:16

Hi, good to drop in and see you all! Laz - good luck for your test tonight, I'll send Land Law vibes your way at 7pm (which will be no use whatsoever, cos I know nothing about it! But I'll get Dh to send some too). Dondon, I'm in awe of you tackling a language, never mind a notoriously difficult one.

Home - you always sound so busy, makes me feel lazy! How did your meeting with the heel doc go? Hope it's good news and you can dispense with the crutches (or alternatively, hope the doc told you to rest completely for two weeks). Your boys sound lovely, I need to borrow them to influence my very undomesticated (despite all my best efforts) dd! It was so lovely seeing ds at half-term, I hadn't seen him since he went away and I swear he's grown! He has sorted his course out now, he's changed from chemistry to zoology and seems much happier (still don't think he's doing all that much work but still ...)

I'm feeling very optimistic just now - Dh really seems to have turned a corner in the last week or so. His pain has lessened dramatically, he's in much better humour and the MRI scan he had last week apparently showed that all was well. I can't begin to tell you how relieved I am, I'm a little bit scared to breathe a sigh of relief just yet, but I'm so pleased. And I'm sure it's all thanks to you lot! (Docs had nothing to do with it obviously!) Off to clinic again on Wednesday.

I feel as if I've got a lot of space in my head suddenly so I can pay proper attention to the dc and Christmas and unfortunately the housework. All I need now is to find some energy to do all that!

Hope everyone has a good week.

ladyWordy Mon 12-Nov-12 19:19:43

Very happy to hear your DH is feeling better!

That really is wonderful news. thanks

Homebird8 Mon 12-Nov-12 22:25:04

All these academic-y people, wow! I did my fair share of that stuff but only to get my PhD and prove everyone wrong. Since then I've maintained my curiosity nosiness in all things but have studiously avoided structured learning especially where it involves exams. Well done all of you for eating the frog and tackling all these difficult things.

J&J, I am so pleased that you and your are on the up. It must be such a relief to DH to be in less pain and it's no wonder his mood has lifted! I knew all those good thoughts we are all sending would pay off obviously nothing to do with the very clever doctors and the miraculous human body wink

Chemistry to zoology is a bit of a jump but my DH was much happier when he did the mech. eng. to geology leap so I'm pleased DS managed to get it sorted. Don't panic about the work. He'll not let a subject he actually wants to do slip through his fingers. What does a zoologist actually do? I knew one at uni who did a masters in equine studies after her first degree but that was always her plan. Does DS have a master plan or like me is he just following his interest in the hope that he ends up with a job that he loves so much he'd do it for nothing?

Please will whomever has swapped my bloods and guts DSs for little angels in mucky shorts live with their decision wink. I only have to ask and they are running to help, no moaning and are therefore spending their little lives bathed in praise. Surely they can't be anything to do with me! I think it may be to do with the introduction of the 'brownie point' as an invisible currency. smile They don't get pocket money (because they don't ask and we forget to give) so the accumulation of unknown quantities of brownie points seems very valuable. Remind me of this when DS(10) gets to be 13 and turns into something with warts and horns!

Prof. Fracture gave me good news a few days ago about the heel. I'm in the moon boot and on crutches for another 3 weeks and then I might be able to manage at home without. A week after that, and all being well, I can start to walk in real shoes again. I think I'm going to get DH to buy me a lovely pair of new summer sandals in return for all the inconvenience that his playful thoughtlessness caused. What do you think? Strappy and gorgeous?

skyebluesapphire Mon 12-Nov-12 23:48:45

Great news JandJ

dondon33 Wed 14-Nov-12 06:40:06

Fab news JandJ - I'm so glad things are finally starting to improve, here's to a fab christmas for you and your's. Also thank you smile I'm still struggling on but hopefully in maybe 10 years I'll have some fluency.

Lazarus - How did it go?

Homebird - Good news about your heel. 1 pair of summer sandals :@ I'd demand a minimum of 2 smile
I'm liking the 'brownie points' grin

lazarusb Wed 14-Nov-12 20:14:46

Homebird - glad to know your heel is improving (and Jand J's h too). I'm a pumps or converse girl but if a strappy glam sandal is your whim, you should go for it! Your ds's do sound lovely! I give mine pocket money but they expect me to hold onto it, then remember every penny they spend! They quite often tell me I owe them £20....even they only get £10 a month! hmm

Thank you all for thinking of me. I lost the plot at the very basic first question & panicked my way through. I was certain I'd either scraped a pass or failed completely. But someone was smiling at me because I passed at a 2:1 - phew! It must of been your dh J and J...I'm very grateful smile I have also bagged my lecturer of choice for my dissertation next year today grin She's like the Mary Beard of law and a Judge to boot. I never thought she'd agree without a meeting but she did, within half an hour via e-mail! grin

I think your ds will work now because it's a subject he's properly interested in. I'm glad he managed to change it, although I expect he's got some catching up to do!

dondon33 Wed 14-Nov-12 20:50:43

Woohoo!! very big huge well done to you Lazarus smile smile
Lecturer sounds fab too so congrats for that as well x

jellibelli Thu 15-Nov-12 01:54:44

Hello all,

I am back on the thread after half term and 'life' and thrilled to see DH has made great progress and is feeling much more comfortable. Huge hurrahs!

I have just skim read the missing part of the thread but will go back and reread, catch up and post more soon. It feels like i am back amongst friends.

I have finished my square if i am not too late. I will pop into the other place to see whats happening.

JB

Homebird8 Thu 15-Nov-12 02:33:37

Lazarus, I'm so pleased for your excellent result, well done! And the supervisor you wanted for your dissertation too! I got the one I wanted for my B.Eng. and it made all the difference. The one I had for my PhD was a lovely man but was a bit scared of me and even more scared of his DW (whom he met when she was his student and didn't trust me as far as she could throw me --despite my being in the midst of planning my own wedding--). It didn't make for a very supportive relationship for my work, so I hope you do better. A judge is very unlikely to be scared of you [grin

Anyone seen SadWidow around? She hasn't been here for a few weeks I think! Perhaps she needs these thanks

Actually, as far as the new shoes go, I'm more of a leather and buttons person but there are loads of scrappy Roman sandals here in the shops at the moment and I'm finding my head turning.

I wish there was a shoe emoticon! It could stand for wishes and dreams!

lazarusb Thu 15-Nov-12 18:56:08

Thank you all. You're very kind and I know exactly what you mean about being among friends Jellibelli.

Homebird - I don't think I'll scare her, but neither will I be running off her either! I think she'll push me until I get a First (at least for my dissertation!).

I sent a message to SW on the other site asking for her address for my square, but haven't heard anything. Hope she is alright. Sending you love & best wishes SW!

Can I confess something to you all? Ok, lean in and keep it to yourself....I am a very grounded, middle aged, happily married woman....but I have developed a bit of a soft spot for one of my tutors blush Please tell me to grow up and snap up out of it. I don't get crushes, dh is the man for me. I feel like I'm 15 again!

(But Lord is he cute!).

This thread is not accepting new messages.