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Relationships

Mobile phone oddities - would it make you think 'hmmmm'...?

32 replies

blinkybell · 12/07/2012 13:15

DH recently seems to be attached to his mobile phone.

We have a bowl for stuff on the sideboard in the hallway, usually he would dump keys, phone, wallet, loose change, etc in there, but lately I've noticed the phone stays in his pocket.

He works nightshifts occasionally, and he usually goes to bed when the kids do for a couple of hours before getting up for work, then sleeps for 5 or 6 hours the following day while they're at school. The phone has always been left in the bowl in the hall, but the last few times the phone has been taken upstairs to bed with him.

He worked last night, and took the phone up to bed with him to "charge". I asked him why he was charging it upstairs (we usually charge them in the kitchen) he said it was because he "didn't want the cat to pee on it", now we do have an elderly cat who has occasionally missed the litter tray but she's never shown a preference for peeing on mobile phones before Hmm

This morning he came in, went up to bed, noticed the keys/wallet/etc minus the phone in the bowl and assumed it was strapped in his pocket again

Grabbed a load of washing, including his work stuff, checked pockets as he's notoriously bad at emptying them half expecting to find the phone. It wasn't in there, nor was it laying around our room anywhere so he must have tucked it away - but why?

I'm trying to rack my brains as to whether he could be up to anything, and I just don't think he's got the opportunity

We have had history of texting before, so I don't know if that's clouding my judgement, or I'm just seeing the signs earlier than I did last time iyswim

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blinkybell · 12/07/2012 13:19

Just to add, the last time was about 10 years ago, our youngest child was a baby, we sorted it and moved on

Until now, he's never really done anything to make me question him

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Lueji · 12/07/2012 13:24

Honestly, it does seem odd.

And he has history.
People don't usually do these things once.

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sternface · 12/07/2012 13:29

Yes, I would reach the same conclusions as you, especially if there had been a prior history of this sort of thing. It also depends what you mean by you 'sorted it and moved on'. If that didn't involve him being introspective and looking at his character and personality and instead involved you looking at your relationship and your own part in this, then it was always likely to happen again.

He will know you've got alarm bells ringing because of your questions about the phone being charged. So for now I'd say no more and keep a watching brief, perhaps doing other checks like searching phone bills and PC activity.

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Looksgoodingravy · 12/07/2012 13:31

This is how my partner was last year and he was up to something. Doesn't mean that yours is however but it does by all accounts seem 'off'.

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MadAboutHotChoc · 12/07/2012 13:35

Definitely dodgy behaviour. There are always opportunities (e,g half days).

I would try and access his mobile bill, check internet history, emails etc.

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tribpot · 12/07/2012 13:37

It does seem off. I have my phone with me all the time (use it as an alarm clock/white noise generator at night, for example) but I'm never secretive with it. I would be suspicious.

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AttilaTheMeerkat · 12/07/2012 13:40

How has he acted towards you and around the children?. Is he more or less caring or loving?. How is he day to day?. Have you noticed any other changes to behaviour?.

I would be wondering about this too seeing as he has had form in this area before.

How was this sorted out last time; did you go to Relate for instance and do you feel he took full responsibility for his actions?.

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Kaluki · 12/07/2012 13:41

Oh dear! Doesn't look good!
My ex use to love really silly ringtones and had a different ringtone for each phone contact - it used to drive me mad.
Then suddenly it was set to vibrate only and never left his pocket.
I checked it one day while he was in the shower and found the worst!
He had been cheating.
Sad

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blinkybell · 12/07/2012 13:50

Thanks!

He works from home mostly, with about 2 nightshifts a month. I know he's at work at night when he says he is as he gets an extra shift allowance and it's dated on his payslip. He does do some voluntary work but the people he does it with are our friends and I would have thought they'd say something if he hadn't turned up one week

He's open with the PC, he leaves email and Facebook logged in all the time and there's nothing on there. There's nothing dodgy on the history, but you can clear the history for the last hour, or use private browsing

I've looked on the phonebill but there's not much information, no numbers I don't recognise, but we have unlimited free texts and it doesn't itemise those

I wouldn't think that keeping his phone with him is dodgy, it's just he's always left it laying around, the change has been quite sudden iyswim

The last time it happened, we did sort it out properly, it didn't get shoved under the carpet or anything. It was properly dealt with

I'm honestly beginning to wonder if I'm imagining it, but for the weird cat peeing on my phone/hiding the phone today, it was just a nagging doubt, but now I'm beginning to wonder

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MissFaversam · 12/07/2012 13:50

He's done it before OP and I'd bet he's up to it again, sorry Sad

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KirstyWirsty · 12/07/2012 13:52

Sorry but when my STBX became attached to his phone he was cheating..He used to even sleep with it under his pillow Hmm

The only reason I thought he couldn't be cheating was because he never went anywhere but then on here someone said if he works (particularly for a large organisation) he has time to cheat .. my H worked at the council and between offices so no one kept tabs on where he was - he also went to a 3 day conference which turned out to be a mini break with his girlfriend when it all came out.

Sorry you are going through this x

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KirstyWirsty · 12/07/2012 13:54

And btw .. trust your instincts .. I was being driven mad last year being told I was imagining things .. my gut feeling was bang on!!

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blinkybell · 12/07/2012 13:57

Sorry, crossed posts. He hasn't really changed in anyway at all to be honest.

He's always been quite secretive and economical/vague with what he tells me, but with really weird stuff - for example, he didn't tell me a friend of ours was pregnant (he'd been out with her DH and he'd told him, but didn't tell me - I knew he was seeing them and asked how they were but he just said they were fine) then got really vague and shifty when I asked why he hadn't mentioned it, but there's no reason for him to be vague and shifty or not tell me. It's odd

The phone ringer/text alert has been set to silent too recently. He'd missed some calls from me when I needed to get hold of him urgently because he'd turned it off so I noticed it. It still vibrates though and I can't say I've heard it vibrate at odd/dodgy times.

He does go out with his friends and stuff, but we live in a close-knit community and his friends are our friends so I'd soon find out if he was somewhere he shouldn't be

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MusicForTheMasses · 12/07/2012 14:11

Trust your instincts. x

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Looksgoodingravy · 12/07/2012 14:16

I agree, trust your instincts, I was also told I was wrong last year when I suspected something was going on but I was right all along.

Dp started leaving his phone screen face down when he was charging it and he'd turn the volumn off, only noticed all of this since having an iphone myself, he also had an app called viber which allowed him and OW to chat, call each other all free of charge and nothing would come up on the phone bill. Dp had facebook too but his mobile number was on his info page and that's when the private texts started. It could be something it could be nothing, it could be something just starting. Can you talk to him? or can you check his phone while he sleeps? sounds awful to think of doing that but I wished I'd have done this last year!

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Lueji · 12/07/2012 14:23

Do the friends he goes out with and does voluntary work with include women?

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Looksgoodingravy · 12/07/2012 14:31

A relationship can start out via text and then progress..

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sternface · 12/07/2012 14:31

Someone who's in the habit of telling lies either of omission or commission and who keeps secrets, is much more likely to give themselves permission to have an affair. The lie of omission you mentioned IRT your friend's pregnancy was a red flag given his previous history. Unless of course he wasn't actually with that friend at all and genuinely didn't know - and was vague and shifty because if he had seen him he would have definitely heard the good news and had to lie thereafter that of course he'd been told but had forgotten to mention it to you.

It might be that his/your friends don't know anything and he's using them as cover stories without their knowledge. Or he's taking time off work that you (and possibly his employers) don't know about. Affairs are rarely conducted at night anyway, especially if the other person is attached herself.

Could you change the bill settings to itemise even free texts?

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MadAboutHotChoc · 12/07/2012 15:11

The history of lying is another red flag. It sounds like he didn't learn anything from his previous affair because if it was properly dealt with, he would have worked on his habit of lying.

Dealing with an affair properly means the cheater having to take full responsibility and work on his or her own issues and personality flaws that led to the affair (e.g lying, selfishness and entitlement).

Could he have met someone via the voluntary work? Or at work? Can you remember him mentioning a female colleague?

The fact that he is usually out of the house a lot for work/voluntary work/meeting friends means there are lots of opportunities for him to have an affair.

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PissyDust · 12/07/2012 16:55

Is it your birthday soon?

Optimistic suprise party.....?

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SucksToBeMe · 12/07/2012 17:03

The good thing is,now you are on high alert and will be able to monitor any new changes/routines.

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blinkybell · 12/07/2012 18:59

Thanks!

No, it isn't my birthday until December!

Last time wasn't a physical affair, it was texting/chatrooms/webcam and it was just some random he'd met in a chatroom. DD1 was a newborn at the time, I kicked him out, we went for counselling and worked at getting back together and he's never done anything to make me doubt him until now

Which is why I'm wondering if the past is clouding my judgement and it's just odd behaviour.

I really can't find any incriminating evidence anywhere else, nothing on the computer, nothing on his phone bill, and I can't get the texts itemised.

He's always been really vague, about the oddest things, the pregnant friend is one example, but even stuff like who bought the chocolate in the cupboard, I didn't so there can only be one other person who did, or whether he saw John in the pub, but he gets really defensive and shifty when there's no reason to be. I don't really behave like a fish wife so it's not like I'm going to bite his head off.

He works from home (an old outhouse in the garden is a converted office and there's only one way out through the house so I'd notice if he wasn't there when he said he was), the only time he's at work-work is the nightshift which I know he's doing.

The voluntary work mainly involves our kids and our friends - he's a school governor and a scout & cub leader. Most of the time our children are there. He goes to meetings and camps and stuff but if the kids aren't there, he's with other people who would question if he wasn't there iyswim

The friends he goes out with are mainly our friends, we moved away from where we grew up so our friendship circle is mainly through school, scouts, neighbours, etc, and I am friends with them too.

I hope they wouldn't hide anything for him

I feel like I'm going mad but I know I'm not imagining the odd mobile phone behaviour and I'm worried the previous texting issues, that I thought I had got over, are making me unduly suspicious

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blinkybell · 12/07/2012 19:09

My instincts are screaming at me that he's up to something.

This is how it all started before.

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AnyFucker · 12/07/2012 19:10

why would the past "cloud your judgement" ??

I would be more likely to think it the measure of the man (going off present behaviour)

but that's just me

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Houseofplain · 12/07/2012 19:17

Where were you all when bitchtastic posted :( she got her thread deleted. I know you are lurking, so post again.

Her dh has been having an "inappropriate" friendship and has now buggered off for 2 days. All she got was the, it's you not him crap, or he wanted you to care for him.

Op listen to you instincts. Sorry to hijack your thread, but that ops last post in hers, was quite distraught sounding as she got no help. It was similar to this...but he'd gone to a hotel.

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